Things seem to be accelerating, so what my kids face may be a little different than what I faced. In some ways better for them, in some ways worse.
Peer pressure can be good or bad. If one's kids are in with a group of kids with good values (i.e. values *I* agree with), then things can work to one's advantage. Unfortunately, television portrays parents manipulate children's friendships as terrible, judgemental, racist, harmful, irrelevant, etc. A main mission for now is to get my kids ready to deal with peer pressure. This is why I teach them about this junk and introduce them to things like sex, raunchy movies, etc, myself.
A woman I know insists that my kids know way too much about sex and far too soon. I don't think so. When my oldest was 6, she was propositioned for sex by two slightly older boys. She knew how to handle it. Being perfectly innocent, she didn't hesitate to tell me about it. Even my wife says my kids show me no respect. Ever since we watched Austin Powers, they've taken to calling me "fat bastard" in private. This *really* irritates my wife who insists my kids shouldn't get away with being disrespectful to me. Contrary to what she thinks, they idolize me. To be sure, they think I'm a wimp (which is true enough). But, really, they just plain idolize me - and they know very well how far they can push it.
I think one very important thing I do with the kids is watch this stuff with them and we talk about it. I give them my opinion of things. Kids give me theirs. Early on they just repeated whatever I said, but over time they've come to diverge, the oldest moreso, of course. I'm vaguely aware of some study done that shows kids who watch violent video games are much more likely to think violence is okay, but that when an adult talks to them about the violence they are no more likely to be violent than kid's who haven't played the games. I wasn't aware of this when I started out, and came to the conclusion intuitively. I don't claim this is what everyone should do. I don't believe in one-size-fits-all solutions. Parents need to be proactive, understand things, make an active decision one way or the other, pay attention, follow through.
Sad thing. I went to a parent-teacher night with my oldest's teacher. The kids had a test for us. They asked us questions about themselves on a sheet of paper and we answered and graded ourselves. I got the highest "grade" in the class. It was a C. No kidding. We live in a not-too-bad, multicultural, middle class, suburban neighborhood with a few boneheads, but mainly people who have a strong interest in their kids' educations. It seems obvious to me, though, that we have a few things that could use a little work.
In general, though, I think peer pressure is pretty strong for kids. Pressure to have sex. Pressure to slough off in school. Pressure not to perform. Pressure, pressure, pressure. I tutored for several years in a local (pretty famous) high school - little physics, little algebra, mostly geometry. Wasn't able to reach every kid, but a few I think I really touched. One kid in particular started thinking he could go on to college. "Do I need geometry to major in electrical engineering?" (Even worse - you need trig. ouch!) He was asking me questions, getting involved, inching his grades up. Another kid started in on him, "Estupido, blah, blah, blah." Only partly in English, but it was pretty clear his buddy didn't think too much of his intellectual pretensions.
The most obvious problem that every single kid I tutored had was lack of parental oversight. These kids were going out to parties several nights a week, or working at jobs, or playing baseball, or watcing tv. All of this took priority over doing homework. It's not clear exactly how much of the problem was peer pressure, per se, and how much was the natural tendency of anyone to avoid doing hard work. Maybe it was peer pressure reinforcing the natural tendency.
On the good side, I had the same situation over and over. I'd come in. Kids would be kicked back, staring off into space, not paying attention to any word I said. I'd ask them questions. They'd ignore. I'd persist. I'd keep explaining and asking, re-explaining and asking, etc. After maybe 10 mins they'd sorta discreetly look at what I was doing. After 20 they'd be actively involved. By the end of class, everyone or nearly everyone would be paying attention, joking about problems, actively involved. Fortunately, I got to work with small groups (5 max, usually around 3).
One kid was a muslim girl from whom I had to coax and cajole any participation at all. She just wouldn't try. Eventually, after maybe 2nd or 3rd meeting, she came out of the shell, gradually. At a later meeting, she voiced a startling discovery to me, "This is very easy!" No kidding? I think the pressure she got may not have been peer pressure exactly. But still it was pressure. She worked from a D to a B, btw.
All of this is anecdotal, of course. I don't claim to prove anything. I don't claim that my opinions are scientific, only that they seem reasonable based on my own experiences. I think peer pressure, like any other pressure, can be a powerful force, but that it's not insurmountable. I also think the subtle, pervasive pressure is often stronger than blatant pressure.
It just seems a lot easier to me for parents to teach kids how to handle pressure than it is to try to mask the pressure from them. Nevertheless, I support any active decision a parent makes and won't try to circumvent their wishes. This is just what I think. If someone else's kid asks me about sex (which they have), I gently redirect them to their parents. If they ask about god (which they have), I send them to their parents. If they curse in my house, I ask them "Do your parents allow that?" I don't watch rated R movies when other kids are at the house. I don't let my kids curse when other's kids are at the house. (I did offer to let a group of kids watch Shrek in my house recently, not having any idea that some parents don't want their kids watching it. It just didn't occur to me. Fortunately, a little girl spoke up. I wasn't being manipulative, though, just thoughtless.)
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