Thank you, my Michigan 'manuensis. Glad to know that the mary jane from another thread hasn't completely addled my wits and destroyed my memory.
Talking about urban legends:
When the Brits decided to run high speed trains (HAH!, I hear you all say, WHAT high speed trains?) and I would have to agree with you but, somewhere back in the dim dark ages of the 1970s a decision was indeed taken to have them. The fact that now they're here they usually derail at anything over 30 miles an hour is neither here nor there. That is, of course, when they move at all. And the RMT (one of the two unions that compete for strike votes from railway workers) is trying to ensure that none do, or at least not very often.
High speed trains, yes. But not just
any high speed trains, but
homegrown ones. What's more the major decisions taken early on in their life cycle were (a) they would be known as HSTs [guess what
that stands for], and (b) their development would be government-funded. The kiss of death you might say, and, looking at that other - and much more famous - HST, the Concorde, it's hard to escape the conclusion that you would be right.
It was realised pretty much from the start that if these trains were to hypothetically travel at 125 miles per hour (they were HS125s, after all), then bird strike could become a real problem, and that this would potentially cause more knock-on strikes when the drivers decided to have a couple of days off to recover from the hangover after the funeral.
So the geniuses who were developing the engine decided that they needed to test the trains' front windshields for resistance to things that fly. They settled for testing for birds, although subsequent events have proven that they should also have tested for human-falling-from-bridge strike and Landrover-falling-from-motorway-with-sleeping-driver strike. To accomplish the necessary testing, however, they needed a suitable mechanism to reproduce the phenomenon. One budding genius realised that British Aerospace, that wholly-government funded (although no one is supposed to know) aircraft development company, might have something along those lines. A phone call quickly elicited the joyous news that, yes, British Aerospace did indeed have such a marvellous mechanism and that, yes, provided they paid the transport costs, the railway engine designers could borrow it. Which action was duly put in train, so to speak.
The first tests were disappointing, to say the least. The supply of chickens (which are the only birds they could get which wouldn't get the RSPB up alongside their heads) quickly dwindled as they were catapulted at high speed against various grades of windscreen material. In each test the chicken penetrated the windscreen with ridiculous ease, making a nasty mess against the steel plate which was being used to represent the back wall of the driver's compartment. Much to the engineers' dismay, I might add. Even these limited geniuses realised that if a driver's head were to interpose itself between 125-mile-an-hour flying chicken, a shower of shattered high-velocity glass and that stationary steel wall, the consequences might not be exactly conducive to the driver's long-term health.
Finally, they had to admit defeat. It was suggested that since British Aerospace built the machine and their windshields weren't noted for being easily broken, it might be a smart move to ask the higher-flying company for help. This was finally done, and the appropriately qualified and experienced bod turned up at the appointed time.
"Show me your testing technique," he suggested. Obligingly, the test was set up for the umpteenth time, the chicken placed in the catapault and the windshield material lodged securely in its frame. The release button was pressed, the chicken accelerated to the appropriate velocity, and once again the testers were rewarded with a shower of broken glass and another mess to clean up.
"And that's the way it goes every time," the chief tester said to the pro from Dover in a disgusted tone of voice. "We just don't seem to get it right. What aren't we doing that you did?"
"Well," said the British Aerospace engineer dreamily, "for a start, when we did the testing we usually defrosted the chickens first ..."
