A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Alternately, "Because the boss told me, 'You'll have to pull your own chess nuts out of the foyer.'"

"I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
old England epitaph:
Here lies Thomas North, of the parish of Southwell,
A carrier who carried his can to his mouth well.
He carried so much, and he carried so fast,
He could carry no more, and was carried at last.
For the liquor he drank, being too much for one,
He could not carry off, so he's now carrion.