Some old, some new, all borrowed, none blue:

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead
raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two boll weevils grew up in Mississippi. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed
behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.
The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of
two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they
lit a fire in the craft, it sank proving once again that you
can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

4. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager
came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said,
"I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of
them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The
other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband
responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
Amal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since
everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a
rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. We all know who Gandhi was, right? He was a spiritual man
who fasted regularly. Some may not realize that fasting,
when practiced regularly and for extended periods, leads
not only to weight loss, but can also cause bad breath. No matter, his interests were higher. This great leader
hardly ever wore shoes. One might say he was ... a
super-calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different
puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns
would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.