In reply to:

a little slow in the head, without sounding believably southern

Heh heh. I'd be offended by this if I wasn't so tickled.

But I digress from the topic... There are several older books out there that, if you have never read them, you are in for a treat:

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee (speaking of the South)
Day of the Jackal by Frederick Forsyth
The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco
A Prayer For Owen Meany by John Irving
Catch-22 by Jospeh Heller

All very readable books and quite exciting. At least that's what I've heard. I aim to go buy some books one day once I git me some shoes.