The Gnu Song
A year ago last thursday, I was strolling in the zoo
When I met a man who thought he knew the lot
He was laying down the law about the habits of baboons
And the number of quills a porcupine has got
So I asked him "What's that creature's name?" and he answered
"That's a helk!"
And I'd have gone on thinking that was true
If the animal in question hadn't put that chap to shame,
And remarked-"I ain't a helk-I'm a gnu!
I'm a gnu-I'm a gnu
The g-nicest work of g-nature in the zoo
I'm a gnu-how do you do?
You really oughtta g-know w-who's w-who
I'm a gnu-spelt G - N - U
I'm not a camel or a kangaroo
So let me introduce, I'm neither man nor moose
Oh, g-no, g-no, g-no, I'm a gnu!"
I had taken furnished lodgings down at Rustington-on-sea
Whence I travelled on to Aston-under-lyne
On the second night I stayed there I was wakened from a dream
Which I'll tell you all about some other time
Among the hunting trophies on the wall above my bed
Stuffed and mounted was a face I thought I knew
A bison? An oakpi? Could it be a hearty beast?
Then I seem to hear a voice-"I'm a gnu!
I'm a gnu-a-g-nother gnu
I wish I could g-nash my teeth at you
I'm a gnu-how do you do?
You really oughtta g-know w-who's w-who
I'm a gnu-spelt G - N - U
Call me bison or okapi and I'll sue
Nor am I in the least like that dreadful hearty beast
Oh, g-no, g-no, g-no, I'm a gnu!
G-no, g-no, g-no, I'm a gnu!
G-no, g-no, g-no, I'm a gnu!"
- Flanders and Swann!
