On the subject of one-handed keyboards:
There's something called the Twiddler, which works something like a Braille-writer or a legal transcription machine (the official term fails me... Sparteye? Help?). It's dependent upon the learning of correct combinations of buttons to designate characters... fully programmable as well, and kinda cool. If you'd like to see it, because I'm just not describing it very well, go to http://www.handykey.com

And back to Hairy Mastiffs, forgive me if you've heard this one:
There was once an influential farmer in a remote part of China. His chickens were losing their feathers and dying. He sought the counsel of the two wise men in town, Hing, a scientist, and Ming, a sorcerer.

Hing, who had many advanced course hours in poultry science, consulted Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Diseases of Chickens, But Were Afraid to Ask. He found a reference to a study showing that feeding the chickens with an infusion of gum-tree leaves is often a remedy for chickens losing their feathers.

Meanwhile, Ming read obscure writings of ancient wise men, meditated, used tarot cards, and examined pig entrails. Uninspired, he tried his old standby, reading tea leaves. It suddenly came to him: An infusion of gum-tree leaves was the cure.

So the two wise men reported back to the Chinese farmer. Ming said, "As gum sticks to tables and chairs, so shall an infusion of gum-tree leaves make feathers stick to chickens." Hing agreed: "Studies show that infusions of gum-tree leaves alleviate feather loss in chickens." The Chinese farmer was ecstatic, for the two wisest men in town are of a single mind. He decided to follow their recommendation. It didn't work.

Moral of the story: "All of Hing's courses and all of Ming's ken couldn't get gum tea to feather a hen."