I'm hot on the trail... here's the scoop so far bzzt tsuwm has been found pfzzzt Museum of Questionable zaatz imposters abound ziitz the secret code word is zuutz over and plonk
Ahem, your attention please, ladies and gentlemen. Breaking news has just come to hand which impacts upon some of us, and upon some of those of us it impacts upon more than some of the others of those of us it also impacts upon. Or doesn't. As the case may be. I trust this is clear to you so far, because I'm already confused...
The Secular Office of Global Incredulity, known world-wide known as SOGI, has just announced the suspected demise of one of its agents-in-someone-else's-place, one Catastrophic - er, what's that? Oh, why didn't you say so in the first place?, um, I mean Anna-and-the-King-and-I ... ah, one moment please ... Listen, is it MY fault if the stupid burks in the newsroom can't string two words together ... it's only a ****ing news release after ... whaddya mean, can I read? I'll get up alongside your head in a min- oh, okay, I'll try. But owe me, prick, big time
Ah, ladies and gentlemen, some person, who may be either a man or a woman, but whose name is definitely virtually ununderstandable and unpronounceable, and who hails from Atlanta, Geor.. I'll have you know that "hails" is a damned sight more PC than "comes" - Rain? What's rain got to do with anything? No, as far as I'm aware it's not raining in Atlanta, Georgia!
Look, this person has gone missing in action somewhere in deepest, darkest Minnesota. Yes, it's Minnesota. No, it's not Wisconsin or North Dakota. Hey, you wrote this drivel ... well, I suppose it could be Montana. Yep, they do have a lot of letters in common. Hell, I dunno, I do the news round here, waddya think I am, Anagram Corner or something?
Ah, sorry folks, it's a SHE. Says so right here in writing, even if its sources are a bit suspect. Okay all, seems as if she's gone missing in action, looking for a friend called - Okay, which pillock in the news room's screwing with my head? You can't say this. I don't care where you copied it from, you can't ... okay then, I damned well will! and I spell, t - s - u - w - m. There. The association between the two is a wad of, ah, sorry, I'll read that again, awad. Awad? No, it must be, sorry, a wad, but you usually have a wad of something, and there's neither an "of" or a "something" after it. This is really all getting too much for ... What is, I mean... ah, one minute please, *sob*
We interrupt this news flash to bring you a news flash. Thirty seconds ago, a long-standing member of the SOGI news reading team committed suicide by forcing the elevator doors open in the basement of SOGI House and then summoning the lift down before stepping into the elevator shaft. The question is, what was wrong with his life? Why did he do it? What drove him to it? He was a word man, wouldn't hurt a fly ... Hello, what's this on his desk? "The Secular Office of Global Incredulity, known world-wide known as SOGI, has just announced the suspected demise of one of its agents-in-someone-else's-place..."
