I got a smile out this. --A.W.
Michael Holden's
All Ears The Guardian, Saturday August 25 2007
I was having the by-now-obligatory "all this no smoking will be the death of us" chat outside a pub in the rain when the conversation turned to the misfortunes of others.
Man 1 "It's been a bad week all round."
Man 2 "What do you mean?"
Man 1 "Well, you know Susie got burgled?"
Man 2 "No, what happened?"
Man 1 "Well, you know, she got burgled. But that's less interesting than what happened after."
Man 2 "What was that?"
Man 1 "Well, she goes to see her neighbour when she realises what's happened and she's in tears. And the bloke goes, 'Well, I didn't hear anything and I've been in all day.' So she goes to him, 'Look mate, my head's in bits, I'm gonna have to go up the shop for some fags and that. Will you watch the gaff for us?' And the bloke goes, 'Oh, you off up the shops? Can you get me a couple of cans of Grolsch?'
Man 2 (Amazed) "Cheeky bastard!"
Man 1 "Aye, just gives her a couple of quid an' expects her to get some tins in right after she been burgled!"
Man 2 "Did she do it?"
Man 1 "'Course she did, she had no choice, did she, if she wanted the fags?"
Man 2 (As though realising something of great importance) "Does the bloke drink a lot?"
Man 1 "Yeah, he's an alcoholic."
Man 2 "Well, that's fair enough, then. He needs booze all the time... her getting burgled's more of a one-off thing."
Man 1 "So that makes it alright?"
Man 2 "Sort of, yeah. Unless it was him who robbed her."
