I liked your Grandpa, sweetie. He told my how much he enjoyed your visit. Here are some of the posts I received over the years.

Dear Consuelo: I have lost interest in the Olympics. Which was just intended as a source of ludicrous visual image.
But your mentioning a drugstore reminded me of an ancient joke you may not have heard.
A somewhat timid young man at a summer resort walked into a drugstore run by two middle-aged sisters. When he saw no male pharmacist he started to leave, but one of the sisters, having observed this behaviour before, intercepted him and asked if she might help him. So finally he blurted:"What can you give me for a persistent erection?" Without any pause, she replied: "Would you accept a half interest in the store?" Bill

A young guy gets talked into trying Viagara, only to discover that it worked too well on minimal stimulation, which worried him because he had a date to go dancing. So he taped his penis very securely to his thigh. The first dance had hardly started when the hostess had to dial 911 for an ambulance because there was a man on a the floor with his leg up in the air, unable to get it down. And the ribaldry that has offended some of the ladies on the board is very much like your old greek's. I love all you girls. But at long distance. Bill


My first Christmas letter five years ago:

Dear Consuelo: I have several grandchildren who seem to have forgotten the many hours I spent with them when they were small. At least I have pleasant memories, while theirs have been displaced by adolescent turmoil. But I have a new great grandson now six weeks old up in Toronto, and his mother has a website for him and almost every week posts new pictures. So I don't feel bad about not being equal to travel. I do get e-mail from a few old friends, but it is surprising how many who used to be gadget lovers never got into use of computers. My deafness tends to isolate me here, so the computer is extra important to me. I got a small desk lamp from my brother-in-law in Portage that has solved a problem for me. My macular degeneration has gotten worse, so that just reading glasses no longer suffice. Holding a twoxfour hand lens is tiring and not very satisfactory. I have an 8" circular fluorescent with a 5 inch magnifying glass in center, with a springloaded joint arm supporting it. It was much too bright. I could wear dark plastic insert behind my glasses, but it reduced sharpness of image a bit. But the new small desk lamp gives just the right amount of light, so I use only the magnifying part of fluorescent lamp, with better image. I have been going through a stack of magazines that accumulated while I was having problem with hand held lens. I have found a few words worth posting, such as "maraging steel" and am hunting for more. I had hoped that other board members would try the same tactic. Last Christmas I put on twenty pounds from too much sweets. I must not let that happen again. So all in all I have had some good things that outweigh the disappointments.
I hope you have been even more fortunate. I was reminded of you when one of my presents was choclate "Truffles". I don't know where they were dug up. Love, Bill

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_250
Dear consuelo: The above URL is to Straight Dope. In the Archives the date is 7Sep2001
In medical school I was taught that the candiru was a crustacean, not a fish. The article cited makes it plain that it IS a fish. We were told that problem arose from urinating immersed in water. This account states victim genitals were out of water, and fish leaped out of water and into urethra. Nightmare material for sure.
This message is not intended as a Christmas present!Bill

Reminds me of encounter with a native of Port Deposit, MD, long ago. The artist who had bought a local farm thought natives were overcharging him, and was being insulting to them. With several beers to lubircate the native's tongue, I asked him if the artist were not inviting the natives to cheat him out of a bundle. "Aw, naw. We just takes 'em by the littles."