Maybe the best proof that the language is patriarchal is that it oversimplifies feeling.

Wow! That's a provocative thought. The author invites us to take the language to a new level of subtlety, a new level of complexity and nuance and coloration approaching art or even music. An OED II sort of challenge.

The first word that springs to my mind, Marianna, is the word "bittersweet" -- which I thought was 2 words until I looked it up. Please see definition below.

"Bittersweet" is a conflicted word with mixed emotions like the mixed emotions described in your extract, the most paradoxical of which is "the happiness which attends disaster".

I assume Eugenide is thinking of something like the aftermath of 911 where the citizens of New York became a community as never before, where the worst brought out the best in perfect strangers, where evil inspired heroism and self-sacrifice.

Would evilgrace - grace in the face of evil - be a train-car construction for the emotions of 911, I wonder?

P.S. It occurs to me, Marianna, as an afterthought, that it is only in the crucible of disaster, in the harrowing pit of crisis, that true virtue is born.

This, I believe, is the symbolism of the phoenix rising from the ashes, of Christ's arms outstretched, as though rising in flight, on the cross.

Which reminds me that "crucible" and "cross" originate in the same root.*

bit·ter·sweet ( P ) Pronunciation Key (btr-swt) n.
A woody vine of the genus Celastrus, especially the North American species C. scandens and the eastern Asian species C. orbiculata, having small, round, yellow-orange fruits that open at maturity to expose red seeds. Also called staff tree.

See bittersweet nightshade.
A dark to deep reddish orange.

adj.
Bitter and sweet at the same time: bittersweet chocolate.

Producing or expressing a mixture of pain and pleasure: a movie with a bittersweet ending.

Dark to deep reddish-orange.

[After its roots, which are said to taste bitter, then sweet when chewed.]

* Edit: Oops, maybe not.

MW - Main Entry: crux
Pronunciation: 'kr&ks, 'kruks
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural crux·es also cru·ces /'krü-"sEz/
Etymology: Latin cruc-, crux cross, torture
1 : a puzzling or difficult problem : an unsolved question
2 : an essential point requiring resolution or resolving an outcome <the crux of the problem>

Dictionary.com - cru·ci·ble ( P ) Pronunciation Key (krs-bl) n.
A vessel made of a refractory substance such as graphite or porcelain, used for melting and calcining materials at high temperatures.
A severe test, as of patience or belief; a trial. See Synonyms at trial.
A place, time, or situation characterized by the confluence of powerful intellectual, social, economic, or political forces: “Macroeconomics... was cast in the crucible of the Depression” (Peter Passell).

Metaphorically, at least, the meaning is identical. Perhaps that suggests a deeper association between "cross" and "crucible" than the Dictionaries recognize. Perhaps?