This is literally true. I dreamed this story and was able to retain the dream long enough to waken Peggy to tell her. Darn, though, it's tough to type with one arm in a sling.

Anyway, this is the story.

The press began to question why King Arthur's Round Table was composed entirely of knights who were white, Christian, male, and healthy and hearty. This is the earliest known incident where PCness reared its ugly head, and has been partially chronicled in the story about how Lady Pamela became a full-fledged member of the Round Table. But that story has been told previously.

In this episode King Arthur finds that Lawrence Turnipseed has applied for knighthood only to be rejected because he was a deaf mute. Other than that, mused Arthur, this is a superb candidate. So he knighted him as Sir Lawrence. Big mistake for Sir Lawrence though.

He went out on his initial quest to quell a dragon who was laying waste to the countryside. Unfortunately his lack of hearing allowed the dragon to sneak up behind him. Within moments Sir Lawrence and his armor took up permanent residence in the dragon's stomach. At least it seemed so to the dragon, who complained to her dragon doctor that she was terribly constipated. After much prodding and poking the doctor agreed and admitted her to hospital. There she was given a special diet to help her absorb all of the iron in the armor.

Every morning the doctor would come and inquire, only to be told that there had been no movement, not to put too fine a point on it. The dragon also was unable to sleep because of the abdominal pain. A whole week went by, and the doctor came in to find the dragon sleeping peacefully. The nurse reported that about midnight the crisis had resolved and the dragon was resting comfortably. She concluding her report by saying, "the patient passed a quiet night."


TEd