yes, Jackie, one gives up some autonomy to be IN --but gains social security (not the cash kind!)

there is an ongoing conflict between being IN (and less autonomous) and not being IN (more autonomus, and perhaps more lonely--or at least more alone!)

by joining, (even something as simple as being a sports fan) you let some of your happiness be somebodies elses job.. most fan's don't resent baseball players salary--that is until the team loses! Players are supposed to be the winners, and fans, they pay (and 'belong' to the team, too, so they too can be winners, by extention.

(did anyone see the Nightline episode about HS football players taking steroids (or any of the TV or Print articles about the same?) the story breaks, because one parent objects. they stand up and say, NO, i am not willing to sacrifice my son, my son's health, (his gonads) so the team can win.. but its not just the team--the whole town is behind the team, and the expectation is, when the team wins, we win, and yes, sacrifices have to me made. You should be proud your son is one of the chosen ones, one of the elite. boys are expected to offer up their personal lives (their autonomy) for the greater glory of the winning team--for the home town team to end up as the state champions. the price for belonging (for being IN) is high, but so are the rewards..the whistle blower parent finds themselves total cut out of town life.. ignored by all and sundry for the 'crime' of refusing to go along with the sacrifice.

(and yet, we wonder how it was that the aztecs had young men who willingly became human sacrifices and offered themselves up to the gods--and are shocked by stories likeThe Lottery)


my other obsession