I think the sentence is over-punctuated and that there are some optional maneuvers that make it easier to read, which is the point!

Here's the original:

"Yesterday afternoon, a book arrived in the mail: Robert A. Hall, Jr.’s, Leave Your Language Alone! in its first, hard-cover, vanity press (Linguistica–Ithaca, NY) edition."

Here's how I would change it to make it easier to read:

Yesterday afternoon a book arrived in the mail: Robert A. Hall Jr.'s Leave Your Language Alone! in its first hardcover, vanity press edition (Linguistica-Ithaca, NY).

I am taking the vanity press to be the generic term since it wasn't capitalized in the original rather than an actual company that goes by the name Vanity Press, although there could be. I also got rid of the hyphenation in hardcover, which is fine according to Webster's, again to help the poor reader with the heavily punctuated original. I changed word order, too, to make the reading easier.

I can even imagine taking the ultimate leap and leaving out one more comma that I don't think detracts from the sense of the sentence. Call me a renegade, but I think Nancy will agree:

Yesterday afternoon a book arrived in the mail: Robert A. Hall Jr.'s Leave Your Language Alone! in its first hardcover vanity press edition (Linguistica-Ithaca, NY). Edit: I put my final choice in bold because I think it's the best form.

In other words, the commas clutter up this sentence unnecessarily, and I can easily read it aloud without feeling any necessity for comma placement. The "Jr." offset with commas is something that is optional, and here the sentence reads better and easier on the eyes without those commas.

Please do disagree!