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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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when I saw the title of this thread I thought it had something to do with acolt.No, no, Sweetie, that's over in the voodoo thread... 
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OP
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something to do with acolt
Speaking of the "acolt", did you hear that saying that came out of the Old West: "The Lord made some men large and some men small, but Colonel Colt made all men equal." Dirty Harry lugs a Smith & Wesson and his fans believe some gunslingers are more equal than others.
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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The optimist fell ten stories.
As he passed each window bar
He shouted to his friends,
"All right so far!"
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A dark and angry man has controlled me for the last ten years (yes i'm a slow learner.) And just in the last year have I learned this lesson. Every time I faced him was with fear and anger. My friends encouraged me to stand up for myself. But anger and displays of force were not the answer. My whole life had become a reflection of the fear and anger I felt. Now when I see him it's with love in my heart. The way he treated me was wrong and I will not subject myself to it again but when I reflected his anger I wasn't choosing, I was letting him control me. When I don't let the fear and anger control me, it's amazing the difference in our interaction, and by consequence the rest of my life. While I'm not sure I'd like to test my changing attitude by falling out of a large building, I can certainly say I agree with "Michael".
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OP
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I will not subject myself to it again
Sounds like you learned some kind of emotional judo, Ladymoon, flipping your partner's anger and aggression right over you? If I am not being too inquisitive, can you explain how this works? How does your new attitude neutralize his habit of aggression and control?
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Joined: Mar 2000
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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ladymoon, blessings upon you, and "Oh, yeah!"...
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addict
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addict
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ladymoon, here, here! or did we decide it's hear, hear! ? Been there, done that, girlfriend! [solemn-e]
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I figured out my fear and anger were feeding his aggression. When I went back with love in my heart I thought it would be a shield against his anger. But instead it seems to have unhorsed him.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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You make it sound easy (and in some ways it is..) its like floating.. alive human bodies do want to float.. but if we are tense, or fight, or just try, we can easily slip under the water. we shouldn't have to learn how to float. but most of do!
learning to keep with in ourselves, and not take on other anger is hard (especially if you are emotionally involved..) we tend, to mirror the ones we love (watch a couple in love, they will almost always mirror each other, how they sit, where their hand are.. sometimes even clothes!)
it is a hard trick, to be able to be emotionally involved, and not to mirror.. to stay with in our selves.. especially where emotions are involved!
good customer service skills require you to remain in your self, no matter how angry (or annoying!) the customer is..
and there are people who are adept at "Passing off emotions"
(being angry is requires more effort than being calm... if they teach you to get angry for them, they can save their energy for other stuff..) if you let your self be manipulated that way, you spend all your time and energy being mad!--
classic is a kid, who tells her mother how horrid the her husband is.. the mother get angry, and hostile to son in law, the daughter defends hubby, and get closer to him.. and at the same time defends mommy.-- "problem" is always the mother in law.. reality is its a three way triangle. daughter is using Mother to get angry at husband..
an other classic, parents are fighting.. it scares a kid. Kid does something stupid (totals car) Parent are now in agreement--Kid is stupid! (kid is happy, parent are no longer fighting.. Kid would rather be labeled stupid, than listen to parent fight. )
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