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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858 |
How about the guy whose face looked so much like his aqq that his bowels did not know which way to run.
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,526
veteran
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veteran
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,526 |
I was walking with a younger colleague when glimpsing a female whose facial features he thought more appropriate in a stable he muttered, "Whoa! Tough helmet!"
Frankly, I found her quite attractive and naturally assumed his tenebrous remark was complimentary. "Yea, she *IS* very pretty in a bookish way," I said, "but let's pretend we're civilized and try not to be obvious while we're staring." With a scrunched forehead, and one raised brow, he eyed me suspisciously and said "Geez! Have you no taste in women? *What* do you consider a good-lookin' woman?"
"Well, I kinda go in for the school-marm look, a woman in a long dress down to her ankles, hair in a bun, a ruler in one hand that she slaps smartly in the other, and a gleam in her bespectacled eye that says she just might use it."
Complete silence for a few moments and finally in a tone of utter disgust, "God ... You're a perve!"
In any case, "tough helmet" which I assume translates as "a face like a sea-hag."
k
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661 |
Moe: [gasps] Am I really that ugly?
Carl: Moe, it's all relative. Is Lenny really that dumb? [Lenny looks grief-stricken] Is Barney that drunk? [Barney is saddened] Is Homer really that lazy, bald, and fat? [Homer also looks stricken]
Moe: Oh, my God, it's worse than I thought! [Moe and all the bar patrons except Carl literally cry in their beers]
Carl:[to the camera] See, this is why I don't talk much.
- The guys try to console Moe by pointing out he's not as ugly as the people at White Castle.
Moe: Aw, c'mon, look at me, I'm a gargoyle. What with the cauliflower ear there, and the lizard lips ...
Carl: ... little rat eyes ...
Homer: ... caveman brow ...
Lenny: ... don't forget that fish mouth.
Moe: Okay, I get it. I ain't pleasant to look at.
Lenny: Or listen to.
Carl: Or be with.
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... and if that ain't funny enough...
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[the scene flashes back to many years ago. Moe has his old face, an afro-like hairstyle and big sideburns]
Moe: It all goes back to my acting days. I was auditioning for the role of Dr. Tad Winslow on the hit soap, "It Never Ends."
[reading from a script] Angela, I'm afraid I --
Producer: [interrupting] Thank you; next!
[dejected, Moe leaves]
[to Casting producer] What were you thinking?
Casting: Well, you said you wanted gritty. In other words, ugly.
Producer: I wanted Mary Ann on "Gilligan's Island" ugly, not Cornelius on "Planet of the Apes" ugly. TV-ugly, not ... ugly-ugly.
[Moe is behind one of the sets, eavesdropping with a stethoscope. Naturally, he is shattered by what he hears]
[flash back to the present]
Moe: I've been called ugly, pug-ugly, fugly, pug-fugly, but never ugly-ugly.
Homer: Well, it's time to get some closure ... extreme closure.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,773
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,773 |
-- a face which could stop a clock
-- a face made for radio
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400 |
Crossing thread-- one of my favorite limericks As a beauty I’m not a great star.
Others are handsomer far;
But my face—I don’t mind it
Because I’m behind it;
It’s the folks out in front that I jar.
ATTRIBUTION: A.H. Euwer (1877–?), U.S. author, illustrator. Limeratomy.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,156
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,156 |
A face only a mother could love. (But that always struck me as excessively mean.  )
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400 |
For those who found Rhu post about Rhubard and dung bad, don't read this bit--
a traditional american folk song (from the south!) has this to say about NY gals --not their looks, but their cooking!
New York girls blow their nose in corn bread, and call it pumpkin pie!
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661 |
A face that looks like it got hit by a Mack truck.
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,439
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,439 |
A face that would stop a clock.
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605 |
My face looks like a wedding-cake left out in the rain. -- W. H. Auden
But let us not forget to honor the converse, our face that launched a thousand ships.
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