Wordsmith.org: the magic of words

Wordsmith Talk

About Us | What's New | Search | Site Map | Contact Us  

Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 5 1 2 3 4 5
#58216 02/22/02 03:01 PM
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
W
wwh Offline
Carpal Tunnel
Offline
Carpal Tunnel
W
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
How about the guy whose face looked so much like his aqq that his bowels did not know which way to run.


#58217 02/22/02 03:37 PM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,526
veteran
Offline
veteran
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,526


I was walking with a younger colleague when glimpsing a female whose facial features he thought more appropriate in a stable he muttered, "Whoa! Tough helmet!"

Frankly, I found her quite attractive and naturally assumed his tenebrous remark was complimentary. "Yea, she *IS* very pretty in a bookish way," I said, "but let's pretend we're civilized and try not to be obvious while we're staring." With a scrunched forehead, and one raised brow, he eyed me suspisciously and said "Geez! Have you no taste in women? *What* do you consider a good-lookin' woman?"

"Well, I kinda go in for the school-marm look, a woman in a long dress down to her ankles, hair in a bun, a ruler in one hand that she slaps smartly in the other, and a gleam in her bespectacled eye that says she just might use it."

Complete silence for a few moments and finally in a tone of utter disgust, "God ... You're a perve!"

In any case, "tough helmet" which I assume translates as "a face like a sea-hag."

k



#58218 02/22/02 04:06 PM
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661
Carpal Tunnel
Offline
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661
Moe: [gasps] Am I really that ugly?
Carl: Moe, it's all relative. Is Lenny really that dumb? [Lenny looks grief-stricken] Is Barney that drunk? [Barney is saddened] Is Homer really that lazy, bald, and fat? [Homer also looks stricken]
Moe: Oh, my God, it's worse than I thought! [Moe and all the bar patrons except Carl literally cry in their beers]
Carl:[to the camera] See, this is why I don't talk much.

- The guys try to console Moe by pointing out he's not as ugly as the people at White Castle.

Moe: Aw, c'mon, look at me, I'm a gargoyle. What with the cauliflower ear there, and the lizard lips ...
Carl: ... little rat eyes ...
Homer: ... caveman brow ...
Lenny: ... don't forget that fish mouth.
Moe: Okay, I get it. I ain't pleasant to look at.
Lenny: Or listen to.
Carl: Or be with.

---------------------------

... and if that ain't funny enough...

---------------------------

[the scene flashes back to many years ago. Moe has his old face, an afro-like hairstyle and big sideburns]
Moe: It all goes back to my acting days. I was auditioning for the role of Dr. Tad Winslow on the hit soap, "It Never Ends."
[reading from a script] Angela, I'm afraid I --
Producer: [interrupting] Thank you; next!
[dejected, Moe leaves]
[to Casting producer] What were you thinking?
Casting: Well, you said you wanted gritty. In other words, ugly.
Producer: I wanted Mary Ann on "Gilligan's Island" ugly, not Cornelius on "Planet of the Apes" ugly. TV-ugly, not ... ugly-ugly.
[Moe is behind one of the sets, eavesdropping with a stethoscope. Naturally, he is shattered by what he hears]
[flash back to the present]
Moe: I've been called ugly, pug-ugly, fugly, pug-fugly, but never ugly-ugly.
Homer: Well, it's time to get some closure ... extreme closure.


#58219 02/22/02 04:12 PM
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,773
Pooh-Bah
Offline
Pooh-Bah
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,773
-- a face which could stop a clock

-- a face made for radio


#58220 02/22/02 04:17 PM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400
Carpal Tunnel
Offline
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400
Crossing thread-- one of my favorite limericks
As a beauty Iím not a great star.
Others are handsomer far;
But my faceóI donít mind it
Because Iím behind it;
Itís the folks out in front that I jar.
ATTRIBUTION: A.H. Euwer (1877Ė?), U.S. author, illustrator. Limeratomy.


#58221 02/22/02 04:33 PM
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,156
B
old hand
Offline
old hand
B
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,156
A face only a mother could love.

(But that always struck me as excessively mean. )


#58222 02/22/02 06:21 PM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400
Carpal Tunnel
Offline
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400
For those who found Rhu post about Rhubard and dung bad, don't read this bit--
a traditional american folk song (from the south!) has this to say about NY gals --not their looks, but their cooking!

New York girls blow their nose in corn bread, and call it pumpkin pie!




Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661
Carpal Tunnel
Offline
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661
A face that looks like it got hit by a Mack truck.


#58224 02/22/02 09:13 PM
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,439
W
wow Offline
Carpal Tunnel
Offline
Carpal Tunnel
W
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,439
A face that would stop a clock.




#58225 02/23/02 02:05 AM
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605
K
Carpal Tunnel
Offline
Carpal Tunnel
K
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605
My face looks like a wedding-cake left out in the rain. -- W. H. Auden

But let us not forget to honor the converse, our face that launched a thousand ships.


Page 2 of 5 1 2 3 4 5

Moderated by  Jackie 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Statistics
Forums16
Topics13,910
Posts228,882
Members9,174
Most Online3,341
Dec 9th, 2011
Newest Members
Teytonon, jgronk71, gronk1964, MiscPractice, Ladydusk
9,174 Registered Users
Who's Online Now
1 members (wofahulicodoc), 366 guests, and 3 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Top Posters(30 Days)
Top Posters
wwh 13,858
Faldage 13,803
Jackie 11,613
tsuwm 10,542
wofahulicodoc 10,239
LukeJavan8 9,895
AnnaStrophic 6,511
Wordwind 6,296
of troy 5,400
Disclaimer: Wordsmith.org is not responsible for views expressed on this site. Use of this forum is at your own risk and liability - you agree to hold Wordsmith.org and its associates harmless as a condition of using it.

Home | Today's Word | Yesterday's Word | Subscribe | FAQ | Archives | Search | Feedback
Wordsmith Talk | Wordsmith Chat

© 1994-2023 Wordsmith

Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5