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The local newspaper had an article this morning about church signs -- the large, often illuminated, signboards in front of churches on which they post clever sayings. It appears that there are internet sites where you can get these to save the trouble of making them up yourself, if you are the one in charge of the sign, and there is also a book coming out with a collection. Below are some which were quoted, which I thought might be found amusing. I don't offer them for their theological content.
God has not gone on vacation and left you in charge.
Where will you be spending eternity? Smoking or nonsmoking?
Don't give up -- Moses was a basket case too.
Lord, help me be the person my dog thinks I am.
God's last name is not "damn".
I don't doubt your existence. -- God
The newspaper article says that such signs are most commonly seen in the Bible Belt. Jackie, I think you are the only regular from this part of the country. Any contributions?
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Carpal Tunnel
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Oh, mercy, yes, those kinds of things are all over the place! And of course I can't think of a single one, now. Will add as I pass by them and my memory is jogged. But...are you sure about that first one? I could have sworn He said... 
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Carpal Tunnel
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Riding my Raleigh at 40mph down a long hill on my way to Harvard Square out of the corner of my eye in a split second I read a Church message that so succinctly stated one of my most treasured principles that I have never forgotten it, a quotation of a black educator of a hundred years ago whose name I regrettably cannot remember, but think was Booker T. Washington:
"Cheating is a confession of inferiority which I do not choose to make."
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I know that I pass at least a half dozen a day, and like others, cannot recollect a single one this morning. I'll report tomorrow.
Central Alabama is FULL of witty church signs.
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Cheesy sign
"Church is not complete without 'U' in it"
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Carpal Tunnel
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We laughed at all of the crazy church signs while we were travelling through the States, but like Jackie, I can't remember one now. They were all on the intellectually light side. Somewhere, we saw one sign which said, conventionally enough, "God Loves You", followed by one a few hundred yards down the road which said "Because He Has Said So" - or something like that, which neatly answered the snide "Says who?" muttered as you pass the first sign.
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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stranger
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I'm afraid vandals provided the only humour I've heard of on church signs, with two separate amendments to the classic "Jesus saves!" sign.
The first is exceptionally old and cheesy and is included purely for completeness (that, and it makes the second one seem so much better by comparison)
"Jesus saves - he couldn't on my salary."
The second was allegedly spotted on a church near a football stadium...
"Jesus saves, but Maradona knocks it in from the rebound"
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Carpal Tunnel
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One this morning reminded us that:
"The best vitamin for a Christian is B 1."
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Carpal Tunnel
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The best vitamin for a Christian is B 1
Bomber?
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old hand
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> It strayed into that other taboo.
What, Max - you have a recipe for Maradona sauce you'd like to share with us?
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When I was young and in my prime I had a boyfriend attending Cornell University ... one slightly inebriated night one of the campus fraternities snatched a "Jesus Saves" sign from a local church and put it up on the lawn of the Ithica Savings Bank.
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old hand
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>>> It strayed into that other taboo.>> What, Max - you have a recipe for Maradona sauce you'd like to share with us?> Sorry, I meant sports, not recipes.I got the soccer reference, Max - it was just a poorly executed pun on Marinara.  Wa-a-a-ah! Help me TEd?
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What, Max - you have a recipe for Maradona sauce you'd like to share with us?
Oh, I don't know, could be an interesting little concoction. Paraphrasing Mrs Beaton, "First catch your cocaine ..."
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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This morning's offering:
Seven days without prayer makes one weak.
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Some billboards I've seen, all supposedly signed by God: You think it's hot here? Let's meet at my place Sunday before the game. I used to have a list of these in my email. If I find it (and don't forget!  ) I may post it here. I'm going to be pretty busy the next few weeks, so it may be awhile. ( )
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Carpal Tunnel
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All through SW Michigan someone has commissioned a ton of billboards with messages signed God. Do you think I can remember one now?
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Some photos of churches. The captions may or may not amuse. Tsuwm might want to look at Carpal Deum to find out what's in store. http://www.efn.org/~hkrieger/chap1.htm Bingley
Bingley
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Took me a sec to catch some of captions ! Hilarious!
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Bingley, these are great! How'd you find them? But--that one with the caption 'Requiem' just gave me the shivers...
and I don't even know what it is! Just...ooh, creepy.
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bingley, they are wonderful, all of the kreigers photo essays.
the first image, "actors guild and church office"--Casting call i think it is captioned, is "the little church around the corner" a NY landmark.
in the 1870's(? about) an actor died, and when his friends went to arrange a funeral, the church on 5th avenue, (even then a posh address) refused, actors were "disreptable" . the pastor suggested--"try the little church around the corner" the little church around the corner was happy to provide a funeral service, and since then, it has been called that, and has been a haven to all actors and performers. they often have concert series, and several years ago, i went to Vivaldi's four seasons there. I don't work in the area any more, and since i always knew about things going on by reading the church sign, i have lost track. (i think it is the church of the transfiguration, but i could be wrong, and i don't remember what group.)
"mass appeal" is St Bart's. -- i eaten lunch in their garden. St Bart's has also made appearences in a few movies. it is on Park Avenue, and has an important place in NY politics. it sold its "air rights" .
NY zoning has set back requirements, so that the tall buildings don't block too much sun (this is why the WTC site is so large, to have such tall buildings, they had to also have a large Plaza-- unbuilt up) St Barts sold its air rights, and now, the lot it sits on, can never have a building taller than 7 or so stories, the building, next door that bought them, got to build a taller structure than would otherwise be allowed. St barts used the money to build a maintenence fund, since most of its parish population has moved away.
it now serves the business community, and to attract them, it has its little cafe.
St barts had been under great pressure to sell its land, since it was so valuable. by selling the air rights, they have "sold" the valuable part, and have they "wealth" that was tied to the value of the land as income.
does any one else recognize any of the church's pictured? i think "our lady of Hells Angels" is NY too, it looks like a NY style street sign, but i don't recognize the church.
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Bingley, thanks so much for those pics. Enjoyed them greatly.
Helen, the church is an Episcopal church. I wasn't sure of its name, so I googled and confirmed that it is indeed the Church of the Transfiguration. It's located at 1 E. 29th St.
On a timely note, there was a mention in the newspaper this weekend in an article about the Greek festival held in Baltimore that it started with special prayers for the people of St. Nicholas Orthodox Church, a very small church which was located right next to 4 WTC and was totally destroyed in the collapse of that building.
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addict
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Jesus saves, but Maradona knocks it in from the rebound
I'm an US'n who got the soccer reference (at my office, happily, work stops during World Cup games) and who was reminded of a similar riff on this, from a hockey viewpoint:
"Jesus saves! He shoots! He scores!"
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old hand
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Seen today, 14 October, at the Mt. Tabor Presbyterian Church in Portland, Oregon, USA: Services at 9:00 and 11:00. Blood pressure checks after services.
Now that's gotta be one heavy-duty hellfire and brimstone preacher![Quaking in fear- E]
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