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Joined: Jul 2000
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
I don't know if anyone else has posted these, but I got them a few minutes ago and laughed uproariously.
GRAVE REMARKS
(from "The Globe & Mail" Newspaper - Canadian)
Spin Doctor: I’m dead. I’m biologically impaired.
Pharmacist: Taken at bedtime.
Detective: Finally, an airtight case.
Canadian Alliance Politician: With his beloved grassroots at last.
Jockey: Sailed over the bounding mane.
Séance: Medium: Let’s talk.
Podiatrist: Pied-á-terre
Plumber: The minimum charge to read this is $50 plus travel time.
Australian Travel Specialist: G’day from down under.
Crossword Puzzle Creator: I’m filling in my last crypt, I see.
Hairdresser: First I parted, then I dyed.
Pro Golfer: The final hole - one under.
Mining Engineer: Out of site, out of mine.
Computer Salesman: rip.com
Gravedigger: At least I didn’t dig my own.
Appellate Judge: Life lost its appeal.
Astronaut: Departed from this world, again.
Telemarketer: Dead ringer.
.French Ichthyologist: Fin.
Librarian: No longer in circulation.
Magistrate: He was a fine fellow.
Entomologist: He caught the ultimate bug.
Office Worker: Just another day in the cubicle.
Newscaster: This just in . . . I’m dead.
Radiologist: He saw right through everybody.
Electrician: His death was a shock to everyone, including him.
Baker: She’ll rise no more.
Southern Sheriff: Not dead, just a’restin’.
Spelunker: This looks interesting.
Pharmacist: He was a pillar of society.
Food Critic: The pork tartar was seasoned delicately.
Mobile-Phone User: cu L8r
Mime: He didn’t even say good-bye.
Children's Author: You hopped on Pop till he dropped.
Now he’s in a hole like a mole or vole.
French Teacher: Correct usage of grave. Trés bien
Temp: Finally someone filled in for me.
Auctioneer: Going, going, gone at 87, to the gentleman with the scythe.
TEd
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803 |
French Teacher: Correct usage of grave. Trés bien
Died of the ague, eh?
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 157
member
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 157 |
Loved these, especially the telemarketer!! Some others, or variations of yours:
Crossword fan: six down.
Hairdresser: curled up and dyed.
Lawyer: Deep down, he really is a good person.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858 |
For his notoriously nagging wife, a guy in my home town put up a huge stone with foot high letters that read :"PEACE, BY JESUS CHRIST" All the old biddies were scandalized.
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605 |
Lawyer: Deep down, he really is a good person.
Lawyer: The Defense Rests. (I believe this one actually exists)
Lawyer: Here I Lie, Still.
"Here lies a lawyer and an honest man" provoked the inquiry, "How did they fit two guys in one grave?"
Dentist:
Stranger, approach this spot with gravity:
John Brown is filling his last cavity.
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511 |
French Teacher: Correct usage of grave. Trés bien
Died of the ague, eh?
Faldage, one of your enduring qualities is your sharp yet circumflex mind.
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,439
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,439 |
In newspaper parlance years ago -30- was the way stories ended. When an editor saw -30- he/she knew their was no more information coming in. "30" means The End. I understand there actually exists the grave of a newspaper editor with the epitaph "-30-"
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803 |
There are just jokes, which require no special knowledge to appreciate and inside jokes which *do require special knowledge, but are there any *outside jokes, which would require that there be something one *doesn't know for them to be considered funny?
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Joined: Nov 2000
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
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Joined: Aug 2001
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605 |
but are there any *outside jokes, which would require that there be something one *doesn't know for them to be considered funny?
Yes. One category: Any tasteless, offense joke is funny if, but only if, so you're ignorant as to be unaware that it's offensive.
But obviously that's not what Faldage means.
Second category: of course, many a joke is only funny the first time you hear it; once you know the punch line, there's nothing else in it to hold your attention.
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