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stranger
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Q: what kind of truck holds 13 pigs > >  > > A: a 13 squeeler so did i get a laugh maybe an LOL? PikaPooch
PikaPooch
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it might work better if it were an 18-squealer or at least an even number.
-the old curmudgeon
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stranger
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stranger
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oh yeah i forgot it was an 18 squealer that was the joke.
PikaPooch
PikaPooch
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Fascinating. A welcome addition.
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old hand
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old hand
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Completely unable to control herself...Q: What's brown and sticky? A: A stick.Ow!!! My sides!
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addict
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Ask me if I'm a bus driver.
You really don't want to do this
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Carpal Tunnel
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You're right, doc...I really don't want to ask you if I'm a bus driver! 
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Carpal Tunnel
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doc, are you a bus driver? [see-no-evil emoticon]
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addict
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Carpal Tunnel
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please don't hurt meYou'd better be stocked up on bandages...
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Carpal Tunnel
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please don't hurt me, please don't hurt meOuch! Ouch! 
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Carpal Tunnel
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Paperback rider, rider, rider...
I think I missed the bus!
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old hand
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old hand
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An American girl asked me (!of all people!) this question the other day:
What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
Alternative version:
What do you get if you cross a fluffy, horned ruminant mammal with a herbivorous marsupial of Australia, with large hind limbs adapted for leaping?
This is an old one, huh!
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old hand
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old hand
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tsuwm scrutinizingly considers that....
it might work better if it were an 18-squealer or at least an even number.
I started thinking about that, and yes, I too have often heard of an 18 wheeler, but doesn't mean a 12 wheeler truck, with one spare wheel doesn't exist.... right Pooch?
:~)
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Alternative alternative version:
What do you get if you cross a wooly horned ruminant mammal with a herbivorous marsupial of Australia, with large hind limbs adapted for jump(er)ing.
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old hand
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old hand
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That's the one Doc. But that's a proverbial no-brainer for Aussies now isn't it!
Okay, now what's black and white and ...no, that won't work.
..what about this one:
What is greater than God, more evil than the Devil, the poor have it, the rich need it, and if you eat it, you'll die?
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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What is long, green, and has 16 wheels?
Grass, I was lying about the wheels.
What's big, white, and can't climb trees?
A dishwasher
Whats big, red, and eats rocks?
A big, red, rock-eater.
Whats big, red, and eats pebbles?
A big, red, rock-eater on a diet.
Whats big, red, and looks like a bucket?
A big red bucket.
Whats big, yellow, and looks like a bucket?
A big red bucket in disguse.
Whats big, blue, and looks like a bucket?
A big red bucket holding its breath.
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What do you call a blind deer?
no eye deer
What do you call a blind deer with no legs?
still no eye deer
What do you call a blind castrated deer with no legs?
still no f****** eye deer
These are really getting bad. mea (and you others) culpa
Rod
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What's purple, made out of marble and illegal?
Statutory grape
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What is big, and hairy, with black and yellow stripes, and has 16 legs?
i don't know either, but you just ate one, it was crawling on the lettuce leaf in your salad!
What is worse than finding a worm in an apple?
finding half a worm
How do you get down off an elephant?
Down? off an elephant? can't! elephants don't have down-- you get down off a goose!
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enthusiast
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enthusiast
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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?This one makes no sense, but induced paroxysms of laughter when I and my brothers were little: Two penguins were sitting in a bathtub. What did the first penguin say to the second penguin? Please pass me the typwriter. I told you it didn't make any sense.
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Pooh-Bah
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Alive without breath,
As cold as death;
Never thirsty, ever drinking,
All in mail never clinking. . . . . . . . . . . . .Answer: hsif
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enthusiast
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In junior high school, we often told the penguin joke (about the typewriter) to test people's discernment. The joke teller would get to the punchline, and we would all bust up laughing. We tested the new-comer's courage; would he avoid peer pressure by not laughing, or perhaps admit the joke made no sense?
My one-year-old son has a similar problem. If I find something funny, he'll laugh and laugh, even if it is at a blank white wall. Human nature to conform, I guess.
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the penguin joke about the typewriter
I don't understand you all. Have you no sense of the absurd? It's *funny*!!
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and I always liked the one where one hippopotamus says to another in deepest Africa "That's funny - I could have sworn it was Tuesday".
Rod
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enthusiast
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enthusiast
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tsuwm wasks what's the difference between a duck?
My dad stumped us kids years ago with "What's the difference between a duck and/or ride a bike, true or false?"
(I thought I posted this long ago, but my search didn't yield it. Hmmm)
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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And the eternal riddle : "What are Yonkers?"
For the non-US'ns, Yonkers is a town outside New York City and the answer is NOT "residents of Yonkers" There is no answer.
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Carpal Tunnel
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I've notice over the years, there are old style riddles-- like Alex's
Alive without breath,
As cold as death;
Never thirsty, ever drinking,
All in mail never clinking. . . . . .
and the only one i remember--
Riddle me this, riddle me that--
What's over your head, and under your hat?
and newer (American ?) that simply pose a question--no rhyme, no form, just a question and answer.
okay i admit it.. i am dumb-- what is the answer-- hsif isn't a big enough hint.
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hsif isn't a big enough hintoh, helen; I'm sorry, but that's just too funny, coming from you. how about fhis?
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Carpal Tunnel
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excuse me while i scrape the egg off my face-- or should i say roe?
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Thanks, Rodward. I was also reminded of that Punch cartoon, although my memory of the caption was "I keep thinking it's Thursday."
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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What do you get if you cross an Italian?
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member
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A Spanish one:
What is black outside and green inside?
A catholic priest full of lettuce
An English one:
When a door is not a door?
when it’s ajar
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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<<When a door is not a door?>>
And when is adore not ajar?
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Why didn't the cannibals eat the clown? He tasted funny!Here, now, from a book in my 19th Century schoolhouse published in 1829, "The Boy's Own Book' -- out of a chapter therein entitled "The Riddler" which features charades, conundrums, enigmas, rebusses, anagrams, and logogriphs are the following selections (I'll come back and edit in the answers in white in a day or so, 'cause I think you'll want a real shot at solving these...good luck!): Enigma 1. "Twas whispered in heaven, 'twas muttered in hell, And echo caught faintly the sound as it fell; On the confines of earth 'twas permitted to rest, And the depths of the ocean its presence confess'd; Twill be found in the sphere, when 'tis riven asunder; 'Tis seen in the lightening, and heard in the thunder; 'Twas alloted to man from his earliest breath, It assists at his birth, and attends him in death; Presides o'er his happiness, honor, and health, Is the prop of his house, and the end of his wealth; In the heap of the miser 'tis hoarded with care, But is sure to be lost in his prodigal heir; It begins every hope, every wish it must bound; It prays with the hermit, with monarchs is crown'd; Without it the soldier and seaman may roam, But wo to the wretch that expels it from home; In the whispers of conscience 'tis sure to be found, Nor e'en in the whirlwind of passion is drown'd; 'Twill soften the heart, though deaf to the ear, 'Twill make it acutely and constantly hear; But, in short, let it rest; like a beautiful flower, (O! breathe on it softly,) it dies in an hour. --Lord Byron (referred to in the chapter's introduction as "the late Lord Byron." Gads!) Answer: And I thought this next might be fun for a certain well-known presence of the Board! Conundrum: Why is the statute book like the Grecian army before Troy? Helen?Answer: And here's a classic Wordsmith conundrum: (actually there's a few of these that look like direct-to-Anu for AWADmail consideration material, but I have to get at least one out first, I can't wait!) Conundrum: What word of ten letters can be spelled with five? Answer: Enigma: A word of four syllables seek till you find, That has in it the twenty-four letters combin'd. Answer: Have fun! There's plenty more where these came from...
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And when is adore not ajar?
I'll think about it and meanwhile, what has four wheels and flies?
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Carpal Tunnel
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what has four wheels and flies?
(Waving hand madly in air -e to signify) : "I know! I know!"
A garbage wagon!
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A garbage wagon!You won! But only the second prize. I'll send to Of Troy her wagon and to you the assorted flies. Don't worry, no Spanish fly there.
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I won-- and i get the garbage truck(wagon)-- and second prize is the flies? I think this is contest i should have lost!
(reminds me of the old saw about Philadelphia-- First prize in a contest was one week vacation in Phili, second prize was a two week vacation...) Poor Phili-- a much maligned city...(any one on here to defend the city?)
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old hand
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old hand
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(any one on here to defend the city?)
They make good cheese steaks and they have a nice bell.
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Carpal Tunnel
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And they gots some great street names.
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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and there is a wonderful art museum, and the place is just full of great examples of federalist architecture.
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The Mummers!...need I say more!? "O! 'Dem Golden Slippers!"
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