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In the morning paper, I read an article regarding a horrendous crime perpetrated by the Maryland police against a young man, 16 years old at the time, who was arrested for the murder of a neighbor. On a tip from a journalist who, while trying to interview him about the murder, saw him with blood on his hands (he had cut himself accidentally in his own basement), he was arrested, held incommunicado for days without a lawyer, lied to by the police, had suggestions put to him until he finally confessed to the crime. He is apparantly not wrapped too tight, having "learning disabilties". He was 6 months in jail when the police finally learned in a routine fashion that there was no blood at the murder scene which matched by DNA testing the blood of the young suspect. They then turned their attention to another suspect, found that his DNA matched blood at the scene; the other suspect confessed, pleaded guilty at his trial and went to prison. The young man was finally set free. He claims he was also stabbed and raped in jail. Now 19, he is suing for $18 million and deserves to get every penny, as there is documentary evidence which tends to show that the police were hell-bent on convicting him with no evidence other than his own confession, while virtually ignoring all other lines of inquiry.
To compound this criminality, and what shows to me the mindset of these nazis, a State Police superintendent, responding to reporters' request for comments, stated that the "incident" was "regretful" and he was "glad [the young man] was excluded from the finality of the case". Shades of George Orwell!
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Ah well, to be expected really. The powers of detection of the US police are rather limited. In the late 1980s/early 1990s a study which was reported in some psychology journal or other I read found that the IQ of the average US police officer was a full 10 points below the mean for the US population.
I don't remember the other details, like what the sample size was, how it was arrived at, what they meant by "US population" and so on, but ...
I suspect that if a similar study were carried here in Zild, the results would also be similar.
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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Dear CK: The problem with the police is not the IQ of the rank and file, but the IQ of the top brass, and the power of the top brass to resist guidance from any civilian oversight.
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Hi,
I fully agree with your view on these occurrences, which are not all that rare, unfortunately.
I wondered about the expression "apparantly not wrapped too tight", which I did not know, but which is very suggestive. Is it in common use?
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>I wondered about the expression "apparantly not wrapped too tight", which I did not know, but which is very suggestive. Is it in common use?
It is very suggestive, but it is one I have never heard before.
One expression I really liked in this vein was in the Stephen King movie of a couple years ago (it starred Tom Hanks but I cannot for the life of me remember the title however). A sheriff commenting on someone who was being hauled of to the asylum said, "His cheese slipped plumb off his cracker."
It is interesting to me number and variations of such expressions which, although one might not have heard before, are immediately understood.
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not wrapped too tight
It's pretty common around here. Of course, there are so many expressions for being a little wanting that you could make a new thread of them (at the risk of committing a YART). Such as, 'one brick shy of a load', 'not having both oars in the water', etc. No doubt there will be lots more contributions in this vein.
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That would be The Green Mile.
Phrases of this sort are fairly common these days.
A couple of cans short of a six pack.
A couple of sandwiches shy of a picnic.
The lights are on but nobody's home.
The list is limited only by your imagination. Feel free to experiment.
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Elvis Costello has a song (title of which eludes me, naturally - Faldage, fill in this blank too?) in which he describes someone as being "a few chips shy of a fish supper." One of my favorites, especially because of the blank looks it gets on this side of the pond.
p.s. To my astonishment, Ænigma had no problems with Elvis or Costello - it's more cultured than I'd thought.
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I've always liked the expression "Out to lunch".
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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Dear CK: a very bright person can function far below his potential because his mind is elsewhere.
I like the one from W.E.B. Griffin, "room temperature IQ"
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"An IQ smaller than his hat size"
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Too tired to contribute. Will do later. Just to let you know I am enjoying this thread.
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a very bright person can function far below his potential because his mind is elsewhere.
I like the one from W.E.B. Griffin, "room temperature IQ"This reminds me of an incident that happened to me many years ago, when I still had my full mental capacity, when I attempted to join Mensa. The person in charge of the local branch asked me if I had ever taken an intelligence test. I assured him that I had, and had scored a 63. He then commented that Mensa was a high IQ society, and that 63 was well below their level. I retorted, "That's 63 Celsius, not Farenheit!" 
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Did i screw up the math?? 171?? [feeling tremendously inferior e] anyone know what mensa's requiring these days? if anyone has exactly 13 minutes (or less) to spare, there's a non-tedious IQ test at http://www.iqtest.com/iqtestfinalinstructions.htmlthey email your score immediately to you, and offer the following scale: Average: 85 - 115 Above average: 116 - 125 Gifted Borderline Genius: 126 - 135 Highly gifted and appearing to be a Genius to most others: 136 - 145 Genius: 146 - 165 High genius: 166 - 180 Highest genius: 181 - 200 Beyond being measurable genius: Over 200 not sure about its accuracy. just for kicks i tried lying at the end and saying i finished the test in 2 minutes, but i still couldn't get it over 170. 
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Thanks Bridget for a fun, ego-stroking link. By guessing wildly at a few of the maths-related qustions, I was able to finish in 6 minutes, which no doubt helped inflate my score, which came out as 9 higher than the last time I sat any sort of IQ test. Not that I feel 7% smarter than I did way back then! 
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"An IQ smaller than his hat size"
Also said with "boot" instead of "hat". [Used to be a criterion for joining the British National Party, though they do wear big boots!]One I like is:
"half a bubble off plumb" (from a spirit level)
On a similar track there are the expressions of the form:
As much use as:
a chocolate poker/fireguard/teapot
an inflatable dartboard
Couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag
Couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery
Like most similes and metaphors, these are best heard fresh or at least infrequently; new ones can be an absolute delight.
Rod
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I was able to finish in 6 minutes,
SIX minutes!!!!!! That's it, Bub--
no more hiding your light under a bushel--EVER again, do
you hear me? And I mean that!! Maybe now you'll believe what I've been trying to tell you all along, Sweetie. Lack
of formal education does not equal unintelligent. I've known for a long time how smart you are.
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Well it did my ego some good-- I had one of the old fashioned 4 + hours test in my teens-- and test at 165-- This test has me at 156-- i know that while i have more knowledge-- i am not as quick as i was as a teen-- so i don't mind a 9 point drop-- in fact-- i am surprized its still that high-- But I am not going to complain!
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When I took the test they wanted payment for the score.
That happen to anyone else?
Or am I missing something? Should I check Email?
Whaas hap'nin'?
(Banging head muttereing Stupid stupid stupid!I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! Had to prove it tho didn't ya')
wow
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When I took the test they wanted payment for the score.
That happen to anyone else?
Or am I missing something? Should I check Email? Oh, did i forget to mention that? You must send payment directly to me. Only teasing. Yes, check the email account that you entered before beginning the test. You will get a raw score without having to pay for anything; evidently they charge you for a more detailed analysis of your strong points, etc.
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Well, I wonder about my score since it took me the length of a post to figure out I should check the Email.
JUST squeaked into the Borderline Genius category. That's my life folks : Borderline!
wow
B96 : the check's in the mail.
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I think this test is going to demonstate a Lake Woebegone effect here at AWAD-- that all the women are strong (well, we are) and the men are good looking (any of you guys what to argue with that? I didn't think so) and we (not just our children) are all above average!
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Measurements of usefulness
Useful as:
- tits on a boar hog
- a rubber crutch
These expressions were current about the same time as facetious questions posed in response to a self-evident statement or question. For instance, if someone asked you if you would like to make $1000 for 10 minutes easy work, you might respond:
Is a bean green?
Is the Pope catholic?
Does a bear shit in the woods?
and, later addition,
Does the Pope shit in the woods?
To reply in the negative,
Has a chicken got lips?
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I thought it was a bit cheap that it had a pounds-and-ounces question. I only recently managed to memorize those conversions (bloody annoying is what I say). There was another question whose answer would be more familiar to US'ns - the white house one. I know there are white houses in all countries, but only a US'n would have immediate recognition of that word pair. Not fair to those of us from elsewhere! [pout]
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Yeah, well i kinda thought the HUT question was unfair; you can certainly make a legible version of HUT with seven toothpicks, if you make the right side of the H serve a double purpose as the left side of the U. then, if you connect the T to the U, it just looks like your letters are mashed together. out of curiousity, i resubmitted my test answering "TRUE" to that question, with this in mind, and my IQ dropped four points.
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my IQ dropped four points
Scary! I'm not taking that test!
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Oh I am not sure about the "white house" being unfair-- if I where to find that you lived on 10 Downing Street-- In Newfoundland-- i would still tease, and ask if you had taken over for Maggie Thatcher as the second female PM..
Not all address are as famous as the 10 Downing or the WhiteHouse or even 221 Baker (it is 221? any irregulars out there?)
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Scary! I'm not taking that test!
aw, Hyla, don't be silly. it's only four points a shot... so you could conceivably take it 30 or 40 times and still be capable (by current indications) of running the good ol' USofA!
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it's only four points a shot... so you could conceivably take it 30 or 40 times and still be capable (by
current indications) of running the good ol' USofA!
Because then I'd be around the -80 mark, where our current fearless leader is? [ducking for cover e]
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SIX minutes!!!!!! That's it, Bub--
no more hiding your light under a bushel--EVER again, do
you hear me? And I mean thatSorry to disappoint you, Jackie, but you should know better than most what a Clayton's IQ test that was. Like I said, I got through in 6 minutes by guessing any question smacking of geometry or the like. The true/false setup meant that I stood a good chance of guessing at least some of them right, which would help inflate my score. While my closest friends at school were all in the 175-185 range, I have never even managed to complete a proper IQ test, my dear MM.
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This is something that was sent to me years ago. It, like most things received via e-mail, is supposedly true. Since I have received in two or three different forms and nationalities, I somewhat doubt it. It is however, very witty and very British.
The British Military writes EPR's (officer fitness reports). The form used for the Royal Navy and Royal Marine reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's "206's"....
-His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
-I would not breed this officer.
-This officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be.
-When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
-He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
-He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
-Technically sound, but socially impossible.
-The officer reminds me of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really getting anywhere.
-The young lady has delusions of adequacy.
-When he joined my ship, this officer was already something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.
-This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
-Since my last report he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
-She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
-He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
-This officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.
-In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
-This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
-The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.
-Works well under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
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actual excerpts taken from people's "206's"....Oh, Rousp.! What howlers! Thank you! "Rock bottom and has started to dig..." Ow, my stomach! Reminds me of the list of insurance company accident excuses that came out some years ago. One of them was, "The pedestrian couldn't make up his mind which way to go, so I hit him." Another said the tree jumped in front of him.
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This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
Is this a criticism or just a comment about a normal naval officer?
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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In reply to:
221 Baker (it is 221? any irregulars out there?)
It's 221B Baker street. The White house thing is a bit unfair. We know 10 Downing street and the White House, but all I know about the Canadian capital is that I could get there fast.
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Well, the white house question stalled me a bit, because the words were "foot, stop, white" and "ball, light, house". My thought process was 1) football - definitely a word, 2) stoplight - definitely a word, 3) whitehouse (pause in confusion) no, not a word. Oohhh...maybe they mean WhiteHouse. Do they? It's probably an American website. Yes, they probably mean WhiteHouse. Okay, I will check true, even though I don't agree with it.
Anyway, all that thinking for that one certainly slowed me down. And our PM lives at 24 Sussex Drive, and the leader of the Opposition lives in Stornoway, I believe. Any Canadians out there want to confirm/deny that?
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Sorry to disappoint you, Jackie, but you should know better than most what a Clayton's IQ test that was. Like I said, I got through in 6 minutes by guessing any question smacking of geometry or the like. The true/false setup meant that I stood a good chance of guessing at least some of them right, which would help inflate my score. While my closest friends at school were all in the 175-185 range, I have never even managed to complete a proper IQ test, my dear MM.
Damn it, Max! (Now see, if I swear, you know I am really upset.) I don't give a bleep about whether you've
"completed" any particular test or not. You're smart, dammit, and don't argue with me about that any more!
To borrow a line from The Secret Garden, if you do, I shall
laugh.
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Rouspeteur: Thanks for that. Copied and sent to son, a Major. Since he has to write efficiency reports I am sure he will get a chuckle or two. I did.
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In reply to:
Elvis Costello has a song (title of which eludes me, naturally - Faldage, fill in this blank too?) in which he describes someone as being "a few chips shy of a fish supper."
I don't know how this connects, so I won't but post the link...
http://www.sincity.com/teller/articles/juliet.html
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Thank you, thank you, thank you, tsuwm.
I tried and tried to remember the song that had those words, and could not - you dredged up the very New Yorker piece from which I gleaned them years ago.
I've always admired your ability to expiscate appropriate oddities from the messy tangle of this here internet thingy, but now you're fishing them out from the even more tightly tangled mess of neurons walled in behind my Neanderthal skull. Cool, but somewhat scary.
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You're smart, dammit, and don't argue with me about that any more!
Yes ma'am. [169 to go emoticon]
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<<Shades of George Orwell!>>
A country where:
we have our second appointed president in less than 30 years;
the police murder a black man when he refuses to buy drugs from them; they are defended by the mayor;
the police murder a black man for taking out his wallet; they are defended by the mayor
a retarded man is executed by the state;
the supreme court, avid in its January defense of due process, just as avidly decrees the right of police to put you in handcuffs for jay walking
And you say shades of George Orwell?
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Thanks for sharing those, Rouspeteur. Like Jackie, i found the rock-bottom-and-digging one particularly funny. I was discussing these with a friend today, and somehow our thoughts evolved to the delights of dilogical statements. He shared this link with me, which some of you may enjoy: http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/career/index.html. (Click on "Performance Review Generator")
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Rouspeteur,
Here are a few more to add to your list.
(Courtesy of my-son-the-Major)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
>"A gross ignoramus - - - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
>"He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."
>"He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
>"I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
>"He's been working with glue too much."
>"He would argue with a signpost."
>"He has a knack for making strangers immediately."
>"He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
>"When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
>"If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
>"A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
>"A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
>"Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
>"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
>"Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
>"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
>"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
>"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
>"It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
>"One neuron short of a synapse."
>"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
>"Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes."
>"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
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Thanks wow, I have appended your son's list to mine.
Another such example, that I know is true, occurred when a friend of mine was on shift at the Newfoundland Weather Centre some years back.
There a relatively new meteorologist who was still in his 2.5 year probationary period noticed the grizzled old shift supervisor busily doing paperwork during a lull in the action. He inquired as to what he was doing. The supervisor responded, "I am doing appraisals. In fact, I'm doing yours right now."
"Can I see it?"
"No. They are confidential until they have been formally approved."
"Ok."
A few minutes later, the supervisor looks up and asks one of the senior met.'s on shift, "Is screw-up hyphenated?"
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Yes ma'am. [169 to go emoticon]
Thank you, Sweet Max. Never mind the 169. You are wonderful!
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rereading the questions at leisure gives several opportunities for reinterpretation of the questions: Q."perfume" is spelled from the first letters of "Pigs eat..." - Depends what you mean by "first letters" Q.The letters of "spoon feed" are in reverse alphabetical order. And the double letters are ? Q. John's grandfather's daughter could be John's son's sister. Assuming the same John and apart from Alabama, you require half-relations. I do regularly sing (not a melodious treat) the song "I'm my own Grandpa" (and google found it at http://www.clinton.net/~sammy/grandpa.htm amongst others) so you just figure it out. Singing that to myself slowed me down at question 28 and that's my excuse for being in the measurable grades! Rod
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A couple more: She has a lovely gilded cage, but her canary's croaked. He is a frequent nominee for a Darwin award. BTW, B96, the 63 Celsius was pure hyperbole - just for laughs. I just barely qualified even when I had full neural connectivity. Nowadays I'm the AWAD village idiot. Mine's NOT bigger than yours! 
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Nowadays I'm the AWAD village idiot.Well, frog feathers. You mean that I can't even claim that distinction? I'll fight ya for it, Geoff.  
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Nowadays I'm the AWAD village idiot.
MyGeoff, you do fine, Sweetie--trust me on that.
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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Notice how Jackie does not demur to my claim to village idiocy. [laughing duncecap emoticon]
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Joined: Dec 2000
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addict
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addict
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Wow's list reminds me of another one (and this is a nearly verbatim YART, I'll tell ya straight out).
Jim Hightower has said of our illustrious President W (long before he got that particular office, probably when he had his sights set on his real goal, Commissioner of Baseball): "If ignorance ever hits $50 a barrel, I want drilling rights on that man's head."
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Joined: Jan 2001
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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It sounds as though Jim Hightower was so lacking in talent for devising insults that he wanted to increase his own intracranial deposit of ignorance.I've heard some stupid insults but this one tops them all.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Notice how Jackie does not demur to my claim to village idiocy.
Now, don't haul me over the forearm/yardarm/forehead/forehand/whatever-it-is, Sparteye--
you had conceded that the spot didn't belong to you.
To which I will add that I have been admiring your very quick wit in your posts, esp. here lately: for ex.,
the yodeling comment--super! [blessings and thanksgiving e]
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Joined: Jan 2001
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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The witticisms said to have been written into efficiency reports make for good chuckles. However, I wonder how often such efforts at humor may hurt the perpetrator as much as the victim. The superior who reads the evaluations needs facts on which to base a personnel action, and may be seriously annoyed by humor.
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old hand
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old hand
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Nowadays I'm the AWAD village idiot.
Well, frog feathers. You mean that I can't even claim that distinction? I'll fight ya for it, Geoff.Oh, boy, I sure do get myself in a lot of trouble on this board! Two weeks ago I had to fight a duel with AnnaStrophic, (overcooked okra at twenty paces) and now I gotta go up against a Yankee lawyer? Groannnnn! So what's it gonna be? Another food fignt, perhaps? Strawberry torts at ten paces?
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Carpal Tunnel
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Bill, I think most of the "fitness report" comments were apocryphal, somehow. The military are not normally noted for their wit, although I concede some members of the military may have some! Funny as, some of those expressions, though. I think "I would not breed this officer", if actually said, is one of the most damning put-downs I've ever seen! BTW, I'm measurable, and I'm sure that others on the Board have one bigger than mine!
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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Joined: Mar 2000
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Geoff--strawberry 'torts'--good one! I'm sure our Sparteye is armed to the teeth. ========================================================== I'm measurable, and I'm sure that others on the Board have one bigger than mine! Oh, you did NOT say that! Yipes!
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Joined: Jan 2001
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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I recently read a biography of US Grant. A junior lieutenant asked him why he had not had a promotion in two years. Grant pointed to a donkey, and said:" He's been here three years, and he's still a jackass!"
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Joined: Nov 2000
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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I'm measurable, and I'm sure that others on the Board have one bigger than mine!
Oh, you did NOT say that! Yipes! Yes I did, but I was too dumb to put a complete reference in ... 
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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I sure do get myself in a lot of trouble on this board! Got yourself into another jam, eh Geoff?
Strawberry torts at ten paces?Torts, and retorts! Just blow me a raspberry and we'll call it a draw.
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