Wordsmith.org: the magic of words

Wordsmith Talk

About Us | What's New | Search | Site Map | Contact Us  

Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 50 of 126 1 2 48 49 50 51 52 125 126
Avy #200882 07/01/11 01:30 AM
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 963
old hand
Offline
old hand
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 963
Too busy? No ideas? Not my turn?

Jackie #200883 07/01/11 01:41 AM
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 724
Avy Offline
old hand
Offline
old hand
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 724
How long does it take to do one sentence? IT IS ALREADY THERE! Phew. The wait is too nerve racking. Maybe I shouldn't play.

Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 10,746
Likes: 2
W
Carpal Tunnel
Offline
Carpal Tunnel
W
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 10,746
Likes: 2
Originally Posted By: Avy
Why has no one completed the rhyme?

No imagination, that's why.

Consider, for example:

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who would do anything for a ducat.

... He put lead in a mold
... Which he turned into gold
Because of the lightning that struck it.


It's grey, that's what it is. But not funny. And it scans, and it rhymes, and who cares? No cleverness, no double meanings, no unexpected wordplay, nothing interesting in structure or content, nothing ribald even, goes over like your proverbial gold balloon (once it's been struck by lightning, anyway).

Maybe this isn't the best medium for a limerick; one-line-at-a-time makes it very hard to set up a punchline that pervades the whole oeuvre.

[/whinge]

Thoughts, anybody?

Or maybe let's just try again, see what happens, and figure out the difference:

1) A parachute fell from the sky.

(Here's a thought: this invites/permits don't know why, walk on by, pigs may fly, much too high, cast a die, fish to fry, what a guy, wouldn't lie, me oh my, etc. How many things rhyme with bucket, anyway?)

Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 724
Avy Offline
old hand
Offline
old hand
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 724
>He put lead into mold
I like it. I never thought of this line and was happy with what you got.
Yes there is no fun in the final product. There can't be.
I am intrigued by your change in the game. What you are doing is a kind of choice to the next player. The skill lies in not writing the line but choosing the choices. This way the first player has most control over the rhyme. (We might get a good rhyme out of this. Let's check)
Tried and failed do it. How can we give choices to the b rhyme. The whole dictionary is a choice.
Anyway here goes:

A parachute fell from the sky.
xxxxxxxxxxxa
xxxxxxb
xxxxxxb
Proving indeed that pigs can fly.

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 9,933
Likes: 3
Carpal Tunnel
Offline
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 9,933
Likes: 3
Whew! You guys are at it.


----please, draw me a sheep----
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 724
Avy Offline
old hand
Offline
old hand
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 724
Wofa-s, the last rhyme's quality might have been affected by the fact that you and Trom double posted. I think each line has to emerge from the other. This attempt maybe better.

Joined: May 2010
Posts: 963
old hand
Offline
old hand
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 963
A parachute fell from the sky.
Underneath it a sixty-ton sty.
xxxxxxb
xxxxxxb
Proving indeed that pigs can fly.

I'm not sure it works to do the lines out of sequence. Or the person who starts could specify which position that initial line should occupy.

Edit: I suppose in some cases it would be obvious!

Last edited by Tromboniator; 07/01/11 08:12 AM.
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,706
Pooh-Bah
Offline
Pooh-Bah
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,706
Hows this looking?


A parachute fell from the sky.
Underneath it a sixty-ton sty.
Baked Beans they had eaten was producing gas
Which exploded like gunfire from the swines ass
Proving indeed that pigs can fly.

Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 10,746
Likes: 2
W
Carpal Tunnel
Offline
Carpal Tunnel
W
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 10,746
Likes: 2
First we need to agree that, although it's not the only form of poetry, a Limerick has five lines, and they read

"da BOM ba da BOM ba da A
ba da BOM ba da BOM ba da A
ba da BOM ba da B
ba da BOM ba da B
ba da BOM ba da BOM ba da A"

The first syllable of each line may be present or not, as long as the BOM is in the right place.

Like it or not that we have to follow Roolz, that's what a Limerick is.



Back to the Limerick Workshop:

Quote:
A parachute fell from the sky.
Underneath it a sixty-ton sty.
Baked Beans they had eaten was producing gas
Which exploded like gunfire from the swines ass
Proving indeed that pigs can fly.

OK, that works for rhyme scheme, -a, -a, -b, -b, -a. But it needs to conform to the rhythm scheme, and we're not there yet.

S'pose we change line 2 like this:

A parachute fell from the sky.
Below was a sixty-pig sty.

Baked Beans they had eaten was producing gas
Which exploded like gunfire from the swines ass
Proving indeed that pigs can fly.

Next challenge: shorten lines 3 and 4 to six syllables.

And looking ahead - we're going to want to introduce some sparkle somewhere. Otherwise it's just another juvenile Beavis-and-Butthead bathroom joke, exactly as humorous as "Ooh, ooh, he said fart! He said fart!")

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 9,933
Likes: 3
Carpal Tunnel
Offline
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 9,933
Likes: 3
Oh you guys!


----please, draw me a sheep----
Page 50 of 126 1 2 48 49 50 51 52 125 126

Moderated by  Jackie 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Statistics
Forums16
Topics13,913
Posts229,626
Members9,187
Most Online3,341
Dec 9th, 2011
Newest Members
Karin, JeffMackwood, artguitar, Jim_W, Rdbuffalo
9,187 Registered Users
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 198 guests, and 7 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Top Posters(30 Days)
Top Posters
wwh 13,858
Faldage 13,803
Jackie 11,613
wofahulicodoc 10,746
tsuwm 10,542
LukeJavan8 9,933
AnnaStrophic 6,511
Wordwind 6,296
of troy 5,400
Disclaimer: Wordsmith.org is not responsible for views expressed on this site. Use of this forum is at your own risk and liability - you agree to hold Wordsmith.org and its associates harmless as a condition of using it.

Home | Today's Word | Yesterday's Word | Subscribe | FAQ | Archives | Search | Feedback
Wordsmith Talk | Wordsmith Chat

© 1994-2024 Wordsmith

Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5