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Previous Thread Next Thread Print Thread Another Completed Composition Assignment #169423 08/03/07 02:57 PM Joined: Sep 2004 Posts: 91 C callithump OP journeyman OP callithump journeyman C Joined: Sep 2004 Posts: 91 This is a completed composition by my peer. He just saw the comments on the composition I submitted. and enjoined me to post this one here. Feel free to give your suggestions. ============================ Write an article in memory of one of your late family members. Miss My Grandfather 2007-8-3 I often miss my grandfather, thinking of his smilings, thinking of his tall and thin figure, thinking of his eyes looking to the far places and thinking of his gaze at us full of expectations and love. He was a man who had experienced many tribulations in the neoteric age of this country. He died before he could enjoy the happiness he worked hard for the whole life. He was happy when he knew that I excelled in school. He expected this way I would have a better life and wouldn't suffer the pain he had suffered. He was confined to bed in his final years. No dutiful sons before a long-illed old man. He invited me to his bed and gave me the plums, which he begrudged to eat but saved for his grandchildren. In the beginning, I came to see him. But by and by, thinking that the plums are dirty and I had no fun with him, I just turned my back on him and ran away, leaving him cursing behind, but unable to vent his anger because he couldn't get up from the bed. He once was a very stern patriarch, and under such situation, he would have given all a severe punishment. I seldom went to see him later for my parents later didn't endorse so. They thought I'was wasting my time there. I alwasy think I hurt my grandfather very much in his last days, especially when he thought of me as his pride. I was young that time and didn't realize that I would never have any more oppotunities to bring him happiness and show my respect for him, for soon he died. Last edited by callithump; 08/03/07 03:00 PM. Do inform me if you see any corrections needed in my written English. Copy Link to Clipboard Share Post on Facebook Share Post on Twitter Re: Another Completed Composition Assignment callithump #169465 08/07/07 06:36 PM Joined: Oct 2005 Posts: 557 Dallas, TX M Myridon addict Myridon addict M Joined: Oct 2005 Posts: 557 Dallas, TX Just taking a quick pass through it, here's what I would change: Missing My Grandfather 2007-8-3 I often miss my grandfather, thinking of his smiles, his tall thin figure, his eyes looking to far places and his gaze full of expectations and love. He was a man who had experienced many tribulations in the neoteric (this is a very uncommon word for "recent" and I doubt that's what is meant) age of this country. He died before he could enjoy the happiness he worked hard for his whole life. He was happy when he knew I excelled in school. He expected this way I would have a better life and wouldn't suffer the pain he had suffered. (Change of topics here so making it into more paragraphs.) He was confined to bed in his final years. No dutiful sons before a long-illed (not a word) old man. (This last bit is not a complete sentence) He invited me to his bedside (not 'to his bed') and gave me some plums, which he begrudged (look this word up, I think you mean the opposite) to eat but saved for his grandchildren. In the beginning (of what?), I came to see him. But by and by, thinking the plums were dirty and having no fun with him, I just turned my back on him and ran away, leaving him cursing behind, but unable to vent his anger because he couldn't get up from the bed. He once was a very stern patriarch, and under such a situation, he would have given all a severe punishment. I seldom went to see him later for my parents didn't approve because they thought I was wasting my time. I always think I hurt my grandfather very much in his last days, especially when he thought of me as his pride and joy ('his pride' by itself is not idiomatic). I was young then and didn't realize that I would never have any more opportunities to bring him happiness and show my respect for him before he died. Copy Link to Clipboard Share Post on Facebook Share Post on Twitter Moderated by  Jackie  Hop To General Topics ------  Information and announcements  Q&A about words  Wordplay and fun  Words and languages in schools  Miscellany  Weekly Themes  Looking for (writers, speakers,... (Old) Weekly themes. 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