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Joined: Jul 2000
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Carpal Tunnel
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OP
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . . . .
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks.I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking
about
buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer.I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows.I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer!I need something I can use to write
proposals,track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, lets just say I'm
sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some
straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your
business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I
watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I
do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue "1".
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?
ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows"!
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It
pretty
much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of
Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping?
You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
A FEW DAYS LATER . .
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START"..........
TEd
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511 |
That's great, TEd.  And for the uninitiated, here's the original parodee, complete with sound (if you want it): http://www.baseball-almanac.com/humor4.shtml
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 247
enthusiast
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enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 247 |
Does this sound like a discussion we just had in another thread ["diasphora"] about "Mt Fuji"?OK, lets just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? ABBOTT: Word. COSTELLO: What word? ABBOTT: Word in Office. COSTELLO: The only word in office is office. ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows? Too much! 
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 89
journeyman
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journeyman
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 89 |
Not quite Wordminstrel, the Mt. Fuji routine went more like this...
Abbott: Hey Lou, what's a "word"?
Costello: Don't trick me, Bud, a word is a word.
Abbott: Look Lou, we talk in words, we think in words, why can't we ask "what is a word"?
Costello: Now you've done it! You've made my head hurt. I'm taking all my words and going home. Good-bye!
Abbott: (musing) How does an ignorant man recognize a wise man when he sees him?
______End of Act One________
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 247
enthusiast
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enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 247 |
Costello Returns
COSTELLO: Now I get it: "what's" a word.
ABBOTT: That's what I wanted to know.
COSTELLO: What did you want to know?
ABBOTT: What's a "word"?
COSTELLO: Now don't get started with that again! We already agreed "what's" a word.
ABBOTT: How could we agree! You haven't answered my question.
COSTELLO: What question?
END of ACT II
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 10,542
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 10,542 |
>How does an ignorant man recognize a wise man when he sees him? he durstn't. -ron (cross  threading) o.
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