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This morning, in between the alarm going off and being fully awake, it occurred to me that I have never heard the word ‘daughter’ used in the same affectionate, term of endearment sense when directly addressing a young female as the word ‘son’ is used when directly addressing a young male. The affectionate, term of endearment (AToE) words I’ve heard applied by both by men and women to young females are: ‘sweetie’, ‘sweetheart’, ‘princess’, and the like, but never ‘daughter’.
It further occurred to me that I have heard men use the word ‘son’ in its AToE sense more than I’ve heard women use it in its AToE sense. More often than not, when I’ve heard women use the word ‘son’ to directly address a young male, it is in connection with an attempt to correct the young male’s behavior. Otherwise, I’ve observed that women directly address the young male using his name, or a variant thereof, the majority of the time. When I have heard women use AToE words when addressing a young male, they usually use the words ‘sweetie’ and ‘sweetheart’. Less frequently, I have heard them use the AToE word ‘son’.
I’ve also heard men use the AToE word ‘son’ when addressing young males that are of no relation to them, whereas I’ve not heard men or women use the word ‘daughter’ when addressing a young, unrelated female.
Finally, it also occurred to me that the word ‘son’ can be used in a demeaning, pejorative sense when addressing a man, but that I’ve never heard the word ‘daughter’ used with same disparaging intent when addressing a woman.
Has anyone else observed the divergent uses of these essentially equal terms, i.e. they both primarily refer to offspring?
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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Hmmm, I didn't notice until you pointed it out but my experience has been the same as yours. Any theories as to why? What about other languages?
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addict
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Thanks for the food for thought, Dgeigh! I, too, never thought about it until you pointed it out. The only time I can recall Daughter used as a term of direct address, affectionate or otherwise, is in period dramas. As for the reason, I'll have to mull it a bit. 
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journeyman
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journeyman
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... and, as we all know, that attempt to correct a young man's behavior usually uses all of his names...CAPITALIZED.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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the old saw-- Your son is your son, till he takes a wife, but your daughter is your daughter all her life. come to mind..
i think sons and daughters often have very different relationships with parents (and in laws) --but that said, women do often call other women daughters (she is like a daughter to me! is one of the best compliments a woman can pay to another woman) but its a rare thing.
it is true that son can be any child (listen to me, son (or sonny boy!) or natural child.. and it can be a ToE too...
daughter is used less frequently (more often, sister is used--but since biologically sisters are closer related than daughters,--it might be woman have several relationship words to express affection..
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Any theories as to why? – Zed
…it might be woman have several relationship words to express affection – of troy
I think Helen is on the right track. On the other side of the coin, due to the constrictions our society traditionally attempts to impose on the role of men, men may have fewer words of affection that are traditionally acceptable for them to use. Consider: if men were to call their sons – at least sons above the age of three or four – ‘sweetie’ or ‘sweetheart’, many of those within earshot would probably think it a bit odd. Occasionally, I’ve heard men address their sons as ‘partner’ or ‘hot rod’, or something along those lines, but ‘sweetie’ and ‘sweetheart’, almost never. ‘Partner’ and ‘hot rod’ have more masculine connotations, whereas ‘sweetie’ and ‘sweetheart’ are decidedly less masculine. It seems, when a male addresses a male, the most masculine words are traditionally preferred. Hence, the word ‘son’ is used by men, more often than not. Perhaps, due to the traditional limitation of terms, coupled with a father’s affection for his son, the word ‘son’, when used for direct address, has taken on double duty, so to speak, and assumed a more affectionate connotation than the word ‘daughter’.
Women, being less limited by traditional social constrictions in the words they may use to express affection, can use ‘sweetie’ and ‘sweetheart’ when addressing their sons and not raise any eyebrows. Nevertheless, perhaps out of a conscious, or maybe subconscious adherence to the traditional social ideal of a man, as imposed upon the young male (in this case her son) by society, a woman may be more inclined to use the word ‘son’ when addressing him in public so as not to embarrass him. It may also be that, due to his nature, the young male presents fewer opportunities for the mother to feel an outpouring of, and thus express, affection.
Perhaps the word ‘daughter’ has not taken on the same affectionate connotation, when used in direct address, because it has not been forced into double duty. If a male or female wants to express affection to a young female, ‘sweetie’ and ‘sweetheart’ work just fine. Why use the word ‘daughter’ when one can use a more expressive word and has no traditional social constrictions not to?
As far as the word ‘son’ having a demeaning connotation is concerned, perhaps the traditional social ideal of a man plays a role here too. For a man to address another man as ‘son’ is really to call into question the addressee’s masculinity. Since that specific condition of masculinity does not exist within the traditional social ideal of a woman, the cognate of a man addressing another man as ‘son’ with demeaning intent, i.e. a woman addressing another woman as ‘daughter’ with demeaning intent, does not exist and would be nonsensical.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Interesting. You're right as far as English goes. In (Mexican, at least)Spanish, however, hijo(son) and hija(daughter)are both used frequently by both sexes, both as terms of affection and as calling (negative) attention to progeny. They are also used to refer to unrelated youngsters and spouses but never to ones elders. I'll have to mull over other uses. Variations: hijito (little son), hijita (little daughter), mijo (my son), mija (my daughter), mijito (my little son), mijita (my little daughter) BTW, welcome aBoard, Dgeigh
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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and, as we all know, that attempt to correct a young man's behavior usually uses all of his names...CAPITALIZED. HA! That is SO true amnow. I remember the first time I scolded my son with his full name. You could hear the <<capitals>>. I heard myself saying it and a "slow motion" thought insinuated itself in my mind..."oooo, I've become my Mother."
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Hmmm. The examples you mention are quite common here in English Québec, Dgeigh.
Your post made me realize though, that in French Québec, we don't use the words son or daughter in the same manner. They are usually used only as identification. I'm not saying we wouldn't say, "this is my son" or "this is my daughter" with pride but we don’t use it as a term of affectionate when addressing them.
The term “fille” (meaning “girl” not daughter) is often used as is “gars” (boy) is often used as a terse beaconing to a young person, related or not.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Out here in the woodsy farmlands, I've never heard anyone refer to her daughter directly as 'daughter,' and yet the term 'son' is frequently used in the manner all of you mention above.
I don't have a thing to add other than to reaffirm what Nancy wrote above: I've heard the term 'Daughter' used on stage by the parents of characters--and it does have an other-worldly quality to it when spoken.
Once when I was telling someone about my daughter, I slipped in tongue and said, "My Loftan..." In other words, I yielded to preference of her name over the term 'daughter.' However, it came out sounding so stupidly quaint that I made a mental note never to speak that again.
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