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#60160 03/08/02 11:59 AM
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
Carpal Tunnel
OP Offline
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
I know some of these have been put up before, but some haven't. Anyway, enjoy:

Subject: How minds work in Court

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court. These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Some of these are excellent - don't miss the last one.
====
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
====

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
====

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
====

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
====

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
====

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
====

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
====

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
====

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
====

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
====

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
====

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
====

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
====

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
====

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition noice that I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
====

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
====

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
====

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
====

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
====

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.




The idiot also known as Capfka ...
#60161 03/08/02 01:01 PM
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
Offline
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
I've seen these before, but I laughed all over again. I esp. like "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy." Thank you for starting my day off right, Sweetie!



#60162 03/08/02 01:11 PM
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 322
B
enthusiast
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enthusiast
B
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 322
yup - good for a chuckle

my only quibble: I'm guessing that the 5th one includes a mondegreen, and that the answer was really 'four to five years', misheard by the court reporter



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