Wordsmith.org: the magic of words

Wordsmith Talk

About Us | What's New | Search | Site Map | Contact Us  

Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 5 1 2 3 4 5
#58635 02/26/02 03:37 AM
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
Carpal Tunnel
OP Offline
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
Received by email yesterday:

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sear's hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how ...?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But its "just" a suggestion)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." ( Step 3: Fly Delta.)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? My God!)



The idiot also known as Capfka ...
#58636 02/26/02 04:01 AM
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,189
Carpal Tunnel
Offline
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,189
Hey, CapK!...just got back. My niece happened to show me this yesterday. From http://DarwinAwards.com, which "celebrates" acts of utter stupidity which lead to self-demise:

Thirst for Death
2001 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin

(18 January 2001, New Zealand) The west coast of New Zealand
is threaded with narrow, windy roads that climb and descend the
hills at improbable angles. A Christchurch driver with little
patience for those dangerous curves was preparing a hot cup of
tea in her car when she learned one last lesson about respect for
the road.

Nothing, but nothing, could keep her from her afternoon tea that
day. Well all right, one thing could keep her from her tea. Karma.
While she was trying to brew a cuppa, her car plunged over a
precipice and into a creek. The woman was found dead three
days later, still holding a box of teabags, with a mug wedged
against the steering wheel and a thermos of hot water beneath
her feet.

There were no brake marks on the road.

DarwinAwards.com 1994-2002



"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity." --Robert A. Heinlein


#58637 02/26/02 10:44 AM
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
Carpal Tunnel
OP Offline
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
Yes, indeedy, but this woman earned hers and got hers some time back. The website http://www.darwinawards.com has more up-to-date stupid ways to die ...



The idiot also known as Capfka ...
#58638 02/26/02 11:31 AM
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
R
Pooh-Bah
Offline
Pooh-Bah
R
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."

One wonders if there is a connection ... ?

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."


#58639 02/26/02 12:42 PM
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,156
B
old hand
Offline
old hand
B
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,156
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .)

This is a standard conversation in my house:

Child burns self on hot food at the beginning of meal. "Whoa, mom, this is hot!". Mother, dryly: "Well, it did just come out of a 450 degree oven." She likes it so much she has even learned to say it in Turkish, when she discovered that my friend's mom said the exact same thing to her: "Ateste pisti * !" which literally translates as "It was on the flame!".

* I actually need characters unavailable in Arial to type that properly.


#58640 02/26/02 01:41 PM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,523
veteran
Offline
veteran
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,523

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."


Wiping tears from eyes


Now I'm dying to know whether this is a common problem in Sweden.

k



#58641 02/26/02 02:04 PM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400
Carpal Tunnel
Offline
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400
My car has a power sun roof. In the car manual, there are instructions
Warning! Do not open sun roof when there is snow on roof of the car.

I am sure glad they told me that!


#58642 02/26/02 03:09 PM
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
W
wwh Offline
Carpal Tunnel
Offline
Carpal Tunnel
W
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Dear of troy: I suspect warning about not opening sunroof when snow was on it had a very good reason. The rim of sunroof could be locked by ice, and activating it could burn out motor.


#58643 02/26/02 08:30 PM
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
Carpal Tunnel
OP Offline
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
You do like to be a killjoy at times, Bill! Why bring physics into a perfectly good manual slagging?



The idiot also known as Capfka ...
#58644 02/26/02 08:46 PM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400
Carpal Tunnel
Offline
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400
I dunno, CK-- there might be something to be learned from gravity if i slide my sun roof open... and the glass is no longer holding up the snow... where's it going to go?


Page 1 of 5 1 2 3 4 5

Moderated by  Jackie 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Statistics
Forums16
Topics13,904
Posts228,044
Members9,148
Most Online3,341
Dec 9th, 2011
Newest Members
gonekrazzzy, accCngrssMRA, rexdee, gypsydancer, Astrostu
9,148 Registered Users
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 73 guests, and 3 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Top Posters(30 Days)
Top Posters
wwh 13,858
Faldage 13,803
Jackie 11,613
tsuwm 10,542
LukeJavan8 9,806
AnnaStrophic 6,511
Wordwind 6,296
of troy 5,400
Disclaimer: Wordsmith.org is not responsible for views expressed on this site. Use of this forum is at your own risk and liability - you agree to hold Wordsmith.org and its associates harmless as a condition of using it.

Home | Today's Word | Yesterday's Word | Subscribe | FAQ | Archives | Search | Feedback
Wordsmith Talk | Wordsmith Chat

© 1994-2021 Wordsmith

Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5
(Release build 20201027)
Responsive Width:

PHP: 7.4.26 Page Time: 0.016s Queries: 34 (0.006s) Memory: 2.9398 MB (Peak: 3.2483 MB) Data Comp: Off Server Time: 2021-12-03 07:45:00 UTC
Valid HTML 5 and Valid CSS