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#34496 07/05/01 11:48 AM
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>Anyone care to share their "go away" answers to telemarketing calls?

A linguistics class in college had us test the limits of speech act theory by answering the often close-ended questions with off-the-wall quips and questions. Surely the callers thought we were insane.

Caller: May I speak with Brandon?

Me: This is Brandon.

Caller: Brandon, you have been pre-approved for a blah blah blah. All we need to do to get this right out to you is to confirm your name and address.

Me: Oh, I've been looking for Aunt Marge. Glad you found her. It's tricky when she gets out from the crawl-space. Note to AWAD folks: Don't do this if you actually have people in your crawl-spaces, basements, cellars, or dungeons)


#34497 07/05/01 12:15 PM
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the rappers and such scum who enjoy perverting things slyly, were probably responsible for inveigling unaware Americans into call themselves an obscenity

Wow! Lyndon Johnson was a *rapper?!? Gots ta add *that 'un to my storecase of musical knowledge!


#34498 07/05/01 12:20 PM
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What professions fill this role in your country?

In this part of the US, at least, it'd be vinyl siding.


In my area it's generally storm windows. The caller usually begins with "How old are your windows?", not even bothering to say hello!



#34499 07/05/01 01:40 PM
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>Anyone care to share their "go away" answers to telemarketing calls?

My mother-in-law has the best response ever. When called by people asking her to change her long-distance telephone service she responds, "I'm sorry, we don't have a phone" and hangs up. I bet most of the callers don't even get the joke.


#34500 07/05/01 01:53 PM
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>Anyone care to share their "go away" answers to telemarketing calls?

I was engaged for a while to a guy whose tactic was this: when a sales call was made regarding magazine subcriptions, he listened through the full sales pitch, feigning interest. When asked if he'd be interested, he claimed "No, I'm blind."

Clever, but cruel. Not kitten-eating cruel, but I suspect he made someone feel really awful ~


#34501 07/05/01 02:50 PM
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Several years ago, the NYTimes Magazine had a whole article about lightbulb jokes..

I know a count down..

How many (ethnic group of choice, ) does it take to change a light bulb?

4– one to hold the light bulb, 3 to turn the ladder.

How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

3-- 1 to change the light bulb, 1to file environmental impact statement, and 1 other to share the experience.

How many WASP's does it take to change a light bulb?

(See AnnaS' answer)

How many psychiatrist does it take to change a light bulb?

Only 1 but the lightbulb really has to want to change.

How many jewish mother's does it take to change a light bulb?

(Softely with a sigh,) "None, I'll sit here in the dark its not a problem.."

How many New Yorker's does it take to change a light bulb?

(Beligerently) "Who the f*** want to know?"


How many MicroSoft programers does it take to change a light bulb?

Programmers don't change lightbulbs, its an engineering problem

How many MS engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

No need to change the light bulb– Darkness is a new feature!



#34502 07/05/01 07:15 PM
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A linguistics class in college had us test the limits of speech act theory by answering the often close-ended questions with off-the-wall quips and questions.

Yes, the only way to get rid quickly, without being rude or hanging up, of those telemarketers is answering them the most absurd answer you can make up.
As you can imagine those persons aren’t as nimble witted as it seems, they are usually helped by a powerful software.
This software manages a dynamic script which contemplates almost every logic answer historically given to the operators, this way they always know the most appropriate retort, you cannot get them tired as long as is a machine which does the actual thinking.
And while they’re talking with you they are watching an extract of all the information that their system keeps about you so they know about your tastes, your incomes, if you like travelling or the car you’ve got. Scary.
I know this kind of call-center management software because my company distributes it. I’d like to apologize for the harm done. Sorry.



#34503 07/05/01 07:23 PM
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My pet telemarketing peeve is the computerized call...arrrgh. Does anyone actually listen once it's clear that the person on the other end isn't one?


#34504 07/05/01 08:17 PM
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I am very glad that you have put this in, Max.
I also get very annoted by the untimeliness of most telephone sales calls, but I am acutely aware that the person on the other end of the line is almost certainly doing the work because it is the only work available to him/her at that partu=icular time and place, and that they do not (as a rule) particularly enjoy it.
It is very easy to be nasty to them, especially if they have interrupted your favourite programme, and even more so if they are "not so nimble witted" as we are. I find that the kindest and easiest way to deal with unwanted sales calls is to say, firmly but without heat or rancour, "No, thank you, I am not interested." Over here, thank goodness, that is usually enough for them to say good-bye, but if they try to persist, I then just replace the phone on the hook. End of problem.
I just feel that nothing is gained by being gratuitously rude or even to take the rise out of people who are trying to earn a living in this grossly capitalist society. If you don't like the system, come and join me on the barricades!!

(BTW - How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
5 - one to change the bulb, four to sing about the old one.)


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