Why do they call baby powder baby powder? Grannies use the bulk of this magically scented dust. They're bigger, magnitudes bigger, especially in the buttocks. They can go through a shake-can or two per-week. Probably could use more in one "sprinkling" than flour used to bake a cake. Takes at least one scoop to fill those cracks where the sun don't shine.

So... You take a kid...already having a bad day...who almost had his face ripped off by a Nun's ham-hock of a hand. Her fingers and thumb could remove a rusted lug-nut as easily as a pair of vise-grips. Helping him "see the light," telling him the reason God created him. "BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU!"
Well call him Nancy, screw-um and turn-um loose cause he got it. Just like he loved ice cream before he ever heard of the stuff, much less tasted any...right....He praises Jesus cause his face is still attached.

Later than afternoon, feeling that sore cheek and having survived another day in Catholic school, his granny comes waddling past. She cuts a monstrous granny fart. The kind that sounds like rolling thunder cause butt-cheeks aren't just-a-flapping, they're pounding like a bass drum as cubic-feet of gas get blown out.

He can also see the dust cloud blowing in the breeze. The fart's self-generated breeze, giving him time to get away and he says a Hail Mary for already being upwind. And the sisters' lesson of days-past return, there might just be something to religion: "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust." Yep..His Irish granny is showing er age.

Betcha didn't know that a lit mule fart blows a blue flame about four-feet straight back. Kinda embarrassing going to school with singed hair and no eyebrows. Almost as painful as running around beating the crap outa your flaming noggin. Or so the kid said. Hell... He claimed to be an innocent bystander...Said he didn't even light the gall-dern thing.

But didn't hold a candle to this one time... This kid was exercising and cuttin eye-burners. Heard tell farts could burn... so he lit one. Sure nough... blue flame ran outside his blue jean cut-off shorts and ignited that frayed material like gasoline.

Now what would you guess to be more painful: That smooth inner-thigh hairless skin burning or making mashed potatoes outa your own man-marbles. I guessed marbles and guessed wrong. It's being on fire and that's saying something.

Kid said he almost had to wake up his granny an hour later but got to feeling better with just the joy of fresh second-degree burn sensations. Woulda been some kind of embarrassment showing up in the ER on a slow week-night at midnight with ruptured testicles, burns in a fairly private place....Not to mention... your granny drove you to the hospital.