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#220926 - 04/23/15 07:35 PM AND THEIR OFF!  
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 47
Cowboy_Monkey Offline
newbie
Cowboy_Monkey  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 47
Ladies and gentlemen! Racing continues here at Ad-Nausem Muttville Frowns.

AND THEIR OFF....Semi Colon takes an early lead; Hyphen and EM are close behind in second. Comma, Period, Quotation and... WHOA NELLY! Exclamation wipes out in the first turn! I see broken bones and blood....Ellipsis and Question swing wide... falling back. They appear madder-n-hell with each other.

ONNNN, the far-side now and bunch-up like a slew of English twits. EM—first time ever on this track—still neck-n-neck with Hyphen. Semi Colon looks backs; arrogant prick trips Quotation and gives the pack "the finger." Not the first time Semi Colon has done this; that testosterone is outa control, "if you know what I mean."

GOING INTO the third turn and....WHAT THE HELL? Ellipsis and Question have stopped. muzzles are off... fur is flying... the horror... absolute horror...

AND! The final turn—thank God! Ladies and gentlemen, I haven't announce a race this drunk since... well... since last time I was drunk. HOLY SHEIT! Semi Colon has left the track; the prize stud is after a French Poodle with one sexy hair-cut. Serves her right... showing-up... looking that way.

COMING DOWN the straight-a-way. EM and Hyphen are neck-n-neck! EM! HYPHEN! HYPHEN! EM! GONNA BE A PHOTO FIN-WHOAAAAA! HEY! Sheit-for-brains! You pour beer on me...? YEAH! CAVE WOMAN, I'M TALKING TO YOU!

WHAT NOW? The pervert with the camera took off to film Semi Colon and his new love. Rednecks holding bet slips are pouring outa the stands like World War Z!

SOMEBODY CALL 911! HELP ME JESUS! Get this knuckle-dragging creature off-a me before I haff to puke in self-defense!

I gotta go cut the grass.

#220927 - 04/23/15 08:15 PM Re: AND THEIR OFF! [Re: Cowboy_Monkey]  
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 10,538
tsuwm Offline
Carpal Tunnel
tsuwm  Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 10,538
this too shall pass
>THEIR OFF.. I gotta go cut the grass.

and while you're at it, gather yourself some apostrophes!

#220933 - 04/24/15 03:59 AM Re: AND THEIR OFF! [Re: tsuwm]  
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 47
Cowboy_Monkey Offline
newbie
Cowboy_Monkey  Offline
newbie

Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 47
SUM BEACH! Always missing something!

I shoulda gone with hunting dogs chasing an electric coon. All local entries and two owners named Bubba. Have to call um Big Bubba and Little Bubba to avoid confusion. Coming to you over AM radio that can reach a 10 mile radius, clear down to Frog Holler and back to Peggy Sue's Trailer.

Make about 95 degrees and it's dollar beer Saturday Night. Maybe have the Super Dog Roscoe catch the thing, chewing wires and shorting it out. Now, having a dog tangled in wires getting shocked, and running around dragging a burning coon. ACTION BABY!

All hell oughta break loose. Kinda like a Carrie Prom Night only no fatalities, just second-degree burns. Lotta folks running around with their hair on fire. Burning wigs get chunked. Dominoes commence to falling.

A few broken bones caused by the stampede. Gonna need the volunteer fire department. And wouldn't you know it... they're all here... drunk (more broken bones, getting run over by a pick-up they call fire truck). Might as well throw a good ole boy Sheriff with a shotgun into the mix.

I did crack myself up with Semi Colon after the French Poodle. But an ole coon dog getting after her... now that just ain't right. Close to crossing that species line if you know what I mean.

"Write drunk... edit sober."
Hemingway


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