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journeyman
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OP
journeyman
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 91 |
Take this as a completed composition assignment and feel free to give your suggestions.  ===================================== I just watched the movie "the Legend of 1900". It's a very moving story. The story of the dramatis personae is so sad and music, with the voice of the sea, fully takes him, letting him forget everything, including the pain( and fucking the regulations), so brings him the happiness. When you know what music brings to him, you begin to appreciate what the music means to us. So you begin to close your eyes and attempt to taste what's in it. You find it so touching, so open up your heart and let it sink down to the bottom of your body. He doesn't want to get onto the land for he just doesn't like it and fears it so much so that he sinks with the ship which is scrapped by being exploded. The music he has every played, which has moved the hearts of everybody who has listenned to it and who loves the sea, disappears too, except one record, which he has refused to give to the publisher and thrown into the trash can but later has been recovered by one of his pal. With the record, we could sink ourselfs into music, and travel to the sea. Maybe when you listen to the sea, you can hear the voice of the sea, in which is mixed his music drifted from the ship wreckage at the bottom of the sea.
Do inform me if you see any corrections needed in my written English. 
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 3,290
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 3,290 |
The story of the dramatis personae is so sad and music, with the voice of the sea, fully takes him, letting him forget everything, including the pain( and fucking the regulations), so brings him the happiness.
I'm still trying to sort this sentence out. I suppose that him refers to a particular character in the film, say the pianist. Here's my attempt:
The story of main character is a sad and musical one. The sound of the ocean engages him fully, letting him forget everything, including his pain and his damn the rules attitude, and makes him happy.
I may have misunderstood what you were trying to say.
When you know what music brings to him, you begin to appreciate what the music means to us. So you begin to close your eyes and attempt to taste what's in it. You find it so touching, so open up your heart and let it sink down to the bottom of your body.
When you realize what music brings to him, you begin to appreciate what it means to us. You begin by closing your eyes and attempting to savor its ingredients. You find it so touching that you open up your heart and let it sink down to the bottom of your soul.
He doesn't want to get onto the land for he just doesn't like it and fears it so much so that he sinks with the ship which is scrapped by being exploded.
The pianist does want to go back on land because he just does not like it, and he fears it so that that he goes down with the ship when it is scuttled.
The music he has every played, which has moved the hearts of everybody who has listenned to it and who loves the sea, disappears too, except one record, which he has refused to give to the publisher and thrown into the trash can but later has been recovered by one of his pal.
The music, which he has always played and which has moved the hearts of those who have listened to it and who have loved the sea, disappears with him, except one recording which he has refused to give to his publisher and thrown into the trash where it is later recovered by one of his pals.
With the record, we could sink ourselfs into music, and travel to the sea. Maybe when you listen to the sea, you can hear the voice of the sea, in which is mixed his music drifted from the ship wreckage at the bottom of the sea.
With this record, we can immerse ourselves in his music and travel to the ocean. Maybe when you listen to the sea, you will hear its voice in which is mixed his music drifting up from the wreckage at the bottom of the ocean.
Hope this helps, and maybe others will have suggestions, too.
Ceci n'est pas un seing.
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511 |
Don't use the word "fucking" in this context. It is very rude and I assume you're doing a school assignment.
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 456
addict
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addict
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Posts: 456 |
With nice girlies visiting the board, and none who seem to be jien huo, would agree with the suggestion of 'ixnay on the wearingsay'. 
ÅΓª╥┐↕§
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Joined: Oct 2003
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enthusiast
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enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 389 |
The pianist does not want to go back on land because he just does not like it, and he fears it so, that that he goes down with the ship when it is scuttled.
Peace,
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addict
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addict
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Who is he/him?
The dramatis personae is the list of all the characters/actors such as appears at the beginning of a printed play. As a rather pretentious conceit, you can use it to mean all the characters themselves rather than the list of them, but I don't think you mean that every character's story is sad. Perhaps you meant to say "the main character" or "the protagonist"? That would at least give a clue as to who "he" is, otherwise there's no mention of who he can be.
You keep telling me what I'm going to feel and do when I see the movie. You don't know that. Tell me what you think about the movie - don't guess what I'm going to think.
You're trying to be very stylistic, but you start with two conversational and unnecessary direct sentences telling us that this is a movie review of a movie you've seen. If you're reviewing it, I'll assume you've seen it - don't bother telling me that you have. Start more like "I found the story of the trumpet player in "The Legend of 1900" to be very sad."
Last edited by Myridon; 07/31/07 08:16 PM.
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Posts: 91
journeyman
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OP
journeyman
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 91 |
Thank you very very much. It helps a lot.
Do inform me if you see any corrections needed in my written English.
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 91
journeyman
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OP
journeyman
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 91 |
I use it as quoted from what the main character says in the film. Could I use it by enclosing it with quotation marks in this context? Or should I better not use it at all (Maybe use F***ing instead)?
Thans for your suggestions.
Do inform me if you see any corrections needed in my written English.
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 91
journeyman
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OP
journeyman
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 91 |
Thanks very much. By chewing your post, I begin to realize some of our inappropriate wordings. We do mean the main character, not all the characters. I refer to the dictionary again and find that the word means just what you explains to us, and it's not the word we want. And yes. I myself don't like others speak for me, asserting they can stand for me while having no my consent in advance. When we write the composition, because we are moved by the movie and we are eager to tell others how we fell and share our feelings, unconsciously, we are asserting the tone and assume others fell the way we are. There is a good chance that others might feel totaly different, so this tone will make them uncomfortable. Everyone is free to speak of their own feelings, and we should expectg that. This point is important to us and we will avoid such kind of wriing ways. I'm weak in stylistic writings and not very familiar with many words which could be powerful and accurate to experss right what you think (we are more familiar with everyday or business english). So I tried to practice it and sometimes intentionly use some strange words. It might be wrong, but once corrected, I might be abel to use it righter the next time. I should thank you all very much for your patience in reading my posts and generosity to share your opions. It really helps a lot.
Do inform me if you see any corrections needed in my written English.
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Joined: Sep 2004
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journeyman
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OP
journeyman
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 91 |
After viewing your post, I looked up in the dictionary. The record and recording both mean the disc used to store music. Are they interchangeable here? I noticed you are using both the words in your post.
Do inform me if you see any corrections needed in my written English.
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