But I checked anyway--hoping against hope that perhaps it had transmuted to the point that we could have a 'cryptic.' And we still can't..

make that can't anymore

B. n. A secret or occult method (of communicating knowledge). Obs.
1605 Bacon Adv. Learn. ii. xvii. 64 There be also other Diuersities of Methodes.. as that.. of Concealement, or Cryptique, etc., which I do allowe well of.