#97273
02/28/2003 9:44 PM
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296 |
Here's an e-mail paste a friend sent:
A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN REWORD
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
What's the definition of a will? (Come on, It's a dead giveaway!)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.
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#97274
02/28/2003 10:36 PM
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11,093 Likes: 2
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11,093 Likes: 2 |
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
...When Mother gave birth to twins, she named them Amahl and Juan. Father was overseas, and Mother brought Juan to show him.
"What about the other one?" said Father.
"Oh, they're identical," said Mom, "when you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl..."
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#97275
03/01/2003 2:12 AM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. I hadn't heard that one before--ha! Wofa, just for the halibut: [blowing you a kiss e] I'm so glad you're here! 
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#97276
03/01/2003 2:10 PM
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
Halibut reminds me of the man who went into business by hinmself, selling fish. He was a sole trader.
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#97277
03/01/2003 2:55 PM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
I'd halibut you, too, if I could...
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#97278
03/03/2003 2:31 PM
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
You'll just have to find the right thyme and plaice.
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#97279
03/03/2003 4:08 PM
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,210
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,210 |
formerly known as etaoin...
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#97280
03/06/2003 8:57 PM
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
But we're assuming he worked to scale.
TEd
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#97281
03/06/2003 9:30 PM
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,210
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,210 |
undoubtedly he was Finnish...
formerly known as etaoin...
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#97282
03/07/2003 12:52 AM
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296 |
Is that why the album was called "Hooked on Bach"?
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#97283
03/12/2003 3:51 PM
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725 |
I'm floundering for a clever reply . . .
Did you hear about the dizzy Swede who did not know vertigo?
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#97284
03/12/2003 4:27 PM
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 679
addict
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addict
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 679 |
Or the Mexican fireman who called his sons Jose and Hose B?
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#97285
03/14/2003 9:11 AM
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
I didn't tell you the whole story about the fishmonger, though. Eventually, he joined with five other fishmongers in a joint business, so that they could achieve economies of scale.
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#97286
03/27/2003 11:18 PM
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725 |
There's a down side to every duck.
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#97287
03/29/2003 11:05 AM
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
That's true if you look at it eider way.
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#97288
03/29/2003 11:08 AM
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
-- and how about the man who fed the seagulls with cannabis?
He left no tern unstoned.
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#97289
03/29/2003 1:00 PM
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 3,065
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 3,065 |
.. and the physical fitness trainer who left no stern untoned.
Bingley
Bingley
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#97290
03/29/2003 2:08 PM
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296 |
In reply to:
...left no stern untoned.
~Bingley
And for anyone who thinks, "You cain't tone bones," well, just consider a xylophone made of toned bones--a bonophone!
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#97291
03/31/2003 7:58 AM
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
-- or one *made of stones - an essential instrument for any rock band.
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#97292
03/31/2003 2:21 PM
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725 |
There is a stop on the organ called Tibia.
perhaps I should bone up on the etymology . . .
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#97293
03/31/2003 3:46 PM
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
Oh, ho! very humerus
Well - someone had to say it!
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#97294
03/31/2003 10:45 PM
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636 |
Tibia means lukewarm in Spanish.
-Mi trabajo es informar
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#97295
04/01/2003 1:07 AM
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725 |
Tibia means lukewarm in Spanish.
Gracias, consuelo. Now I feel I have a leg up on this. Definitely not the stop to choose for hot jazz licks, eh?
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#97296
04/01/2003 3:29 AM
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636 |
I didn't think there would be any stops in hot jazz licks  
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