#96302
02/19/2003 9:51 PM
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725 |
Let's try a Tom Swifty thread.
Tom Swiftys are named after the Tom Swift American adventure novels. The author Victor Appleton (Edward L. Stratemeyer or Howard Garis in Stratemeyer's employ) would always describe every action with an adverb: Tom never just said anything, he said it carefully, excitedly, eagerly, etc. A Tom Swifty is a particular type of pun centering on the adverb in the following formula:
"You should go clean the lawn," Tom said rakishly.
"I hate being on welfare," Tom said dolefully.
"Those knives are dangerous," Tom said pointedly.
- from www.wikipedia.org
As stated above, a Tom Swifty contains a pun. Good ones may contain two or three puns! As always, brevity is the soul of wit.
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#96303
02/19/2003 10:02 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 618
addict
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addict
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Posts: 618 |
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#96304
02/19/2003 10:27 PM
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725 |
"I like Garfield, but not the dog," Tom said odiously.
"You'll never get me to a proctologist!" Tom said testily.
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#96305
02/20/2003 12:59 AM
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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 180
member
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member
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Posts: 180 |
"I have cramps," she said periodically.
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#96306
02/20/2003 2:02 AM
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 833
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 833 |
Here's a few:
which put me in mind of Shona. Where is he these days?
Shoooooooonnnnaaaaaaa, where aaaaaaaaarrrre yoooooooouuu?
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#96307
02/20/2003 12:38 PM
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11,062 Likes: 2
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11,062 Likes: 2 |
"You'll never get me to a proctologist!" Tom said testily.
Ummm, you _did_ mean a urologist?
Unless perhaps you wanted "...never get me to a proctologist, he said acidly."
Which brings to mind the old saying, "Don't start vast projects with half-vast ideas..."
Pa-da-bam.
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#96308
02/20/2003 12:52 PM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 6,511 |
Pa-da-bam.
And a tip o' the *rimshot* to ya, good doctor.
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#96309
02/20/2003 12:54 PM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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"I prefer French roast myself," Coffeebean said darkly.
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#96310
02/20/2003 1:01 PM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 11,613 |
"I prefer French roast myself," Coffeebean said darkly. HA! That was GREAT!  C-bean, welcome aBoard, if I haven't already. "I am roasting, she said hotly".
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#96311
02/20/2003 1:06 PM
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,210
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 7,210 |
"I am hot", he said sunnily. 
formerly known as etaoin...
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#96312
02/20/2003 1:10 PM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 6,511 |
"I know the six most-used letters in the English language," etaoin said commonly.
"Cardinals go for corn, while woodpeckers prefer suet," birdfeed said seedily.
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#96313
02/20/2003 1:29 PM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 11,613 |
"I am hot" You sure are, she said pantingly. 
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#96315
02/20/2003 2:11 PM
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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 180
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member
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Posts: 180 |
My words I like to rearrange, Betsy said anastrophically.
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#96316
02/20/2003 2:41 PM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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"I think I look a little pale," WO'N said juanly.
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#96317
02/20/2003 2:58 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,156
old hand
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old hand
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Posts: 1,156 |
"What's the matter with ewe?" asked Faldage sheepishly.
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#96318
02/20/2003 3:29 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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I don't like talking about these things, wow said, disgustedly.
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#96319
02/20/2003 3:35 PM
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 10,542
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Apr 2000
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>I don't like talking about these things, wow said, disgustedly. "That's the spirit," Tom said gravely.
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#96320
02/20/2003 4:14 PM
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725
old hand
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old hand
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Posts: 725 |
"Ummm, you _did_ mean a urologist?"
Doc, I stand corrected -- it is not my general practice to make such errors.
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#96321
02/20/2003 4:30 PM
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725
old hand
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old hand
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Posts: 725 |
"I've been such a cad," said Tom ruefully.
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#96322
02/21/2003 3:05 AM
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 833
old hand
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old hand
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Posts: 833 |
"I couldn't run faster than the car," Tom said tiredly.
"I couldn't catch up with the car," Tom said exhaustedly.
(or, to make the above a bit plainer: Confucious say man who run in front of car get tired. Confucious say man who run behind car get exhausted.)
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#96323
02/21/2003 4:29 AM
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,189
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 4,189 |
"What's the matter with ewe?" asked Faldage sheepishly.
Must resist temptation, WO'N said beastily.
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#96324
02/21/2003 4:57 AM
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,189
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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I live at the top of the world, sjm said topsy-turvily.
I don't like Cleopatra, ASp said hissingly.
What flavor would you like, Bean asked vanillishly?
I love a good rhubarb, Rhuby said commandingly!
I'm a fabulous cook, Consuelo said tamalishly!
I feel totally worthless, tsuwm said wordily.
The surreal is sublime, musick said, loosely.
We've been adopted by a friend, ASp and Faldage said squirrelingly.
"I don't care if you're sick, you don't have an appointment!" Dr. Bill said curmudgeoningly.
My metamorphosis is more than just a transformation, Pfranz said Capfkaesquely.
I don't like moonlight swims, Hev said sharkingly!
I've crept through many caverns, Milo said spelunkeringly.
I've maxed out, WO'N said quordlepleeningly.
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#96325
02/21/2003 10:14 AM
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 872
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 872 |
"Which puts me in mind of Shona. Where is he these days?"
Mod~god said mindlessly.
"Maybe he happy lives without us" Milo answered adverblessly.
"Milo! You left out the (...ily)!" WO'N said faldagingly.
"Well WO'N," Answered Milo dimly, "Never did I say that I was the brightest bulb in the marquee.
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#96326
02/21/2003 10:19 AM
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,210
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 7,210 |
"vanillishly?", he asked creamily.
formerly known as etaoin...
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#96327
02/21/2003 12:40 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,819
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,819 |
"We've beaten the Cardinals!" the Memphis players crowed.
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#96328
02/21/2003 3:27 PM
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400 |
slightly different, but in the same flavor, when others are telling jokes. you can slip these in.
do you know the joke about the rope?
Oh, never mind, skip it.
have you heard the joke about the wall?
Forget it, its over your head anyway..
Did you hear the joke about LA? (or the city of your choice)
Its a riot!
I know a lot of blonde* jokes (*or ethic group of choice).
They are all beauts, but simple minded.
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#96329
02/21/2003 4:39 PM
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725
old hand
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old hand
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Posts: 725 |
The spell is broken, said Tom disenchantedly.
"Coffee's ready!" said Tom perkily.
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#96330
02/21/2003 5:29 PM
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,210
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 7,210 |
"cream in mine, please", he lowed.
formerly known as etaoin...
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#96331
02/21/2003 7:12 PM
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,189
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 4,189 |
You can let the horse in, Helen said troyishly.
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#96332
02/22/2003 3:17 AM
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 833
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 833 |
slightly different, but in the same flavor, when others are telling jokes. you can slip these in.
did you hear about the cannibal who passed his father in the jungle?
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#96333
02/22/2003 3:54 AM
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 171
member
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member
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Posts: 171 |
abnpr cv bhru lprnj, he said cryptically.
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#96334
02/22/2003 4:58 AM
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725 |
"Guess where the body's buried," Tom said cryptically.
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#96335
02/22/2003 8:14 AM
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 555
addict
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addict
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Posts: 555 |
'To your health!', he cheered spiritedly
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#96336
02/22/2003 11:27 AM
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 2,636 |
".....and then I woke up." she said dreamily.
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#96337
02/22/2003 9:09 PM
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 833
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 833 |
Again, trolling through some old papers, I found the Tom Swify exercise my Grade 11/13 English teacher gave us, so without further ado, I inflict 'em all on you (I'm a poet, an' I know it!):
"I just turned a back hand-spring," said Tom flippantly.
"I disapprove of prostitutes," said Tom tartly.
"I like the 25th letter of the alphabet best," said Tom wisely.
"I can't help it if I'm only four feet six inches," said Tom shortly.
"I must learn to swim this summer," said Tom buoyantly.
"We saw a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta last night," said Tom patiently.
"I must sharpen my pencil," said Tom pointedly.
"Brown eyes are hereditary," said Tom genially.
"Never!" said Tom, knowingly.
"That woman has no bust to speak of," said Tom flatly.
"I'm a homosexual," said Tom gaily.
"Go to the back of the boat," Tom said sternly.
"I'd give anything for a drink of water," Tom said drily.
"I just dumped my girlfriend," Tom said ruthlessly.
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#96338
02/23/2003 12:32 AM
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725
old hand
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old hand
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Posts: 725 |
"Go to the back of the boat," Tom said sternly.
I love it!
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#96339
02/24/2003 1:28 AM
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 171
member
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member
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 171 |
"I prefer the light mesh racing bra," she said fastidiously.
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#96340
02/24/2003 3:13 AM
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 2,636 |
ĦAy Chichihuahua!
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#96341
02/24/2003 8:30 PM
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 725
old hand
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old hand
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Posts: 725 |
"Don't give kitty anymore Nyquil," said Tom catatonically.
"Hand over the money!" said Tom tenderly.
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