I shall give up; my head hurts.
There, there, Dear. Lie back with a warm compress on your head. I shall give you just one simple fact:
the offense is the team that is trying to get the ball to the goal. The defense is trying to keep them from reaching that goal: 'defending' it.


(Uh oh--one more sneaking in: that's OFF-fense, not of-FENSE, in this usage). And, at least in the south, it's DEE-fense.)