I still love the legendary wordplay that went on in the commentary box. No other sport commentators come anywhere close.
A bowler named Mann knocked off the stumps of a batsman named Mann in an England - South Africa Test. Arlott's comment: "Mann's inhumanity to Mann."
John Arlott's description of a Pakistani bowler's runup (was it Salim Altaf?) in the 60's: "Funny run up that. Reminds me of Groucho Marx chasing a waitress"
How about the poor commentator during an Australian tour of India referring to Alan Conolly as "Anal Colony"?
A Correspondant from the Telegraph on Bob Cunis, the NZ bowler "His bowling, like his name, is neither one thing nor the other." ("On the edge of my seat" by Henry Blofeld)
Sunil Gavaskar in Sharjah to Charles Colville (TWI commentator), "Why do wicket keepers make good lovers?" Colville, "No Idea"
Gavaskar, " Because they get up at the slightest opportunity."
Fred Trueman of Bomber Wells, " When he shouts "yes" for a run, it is merely the basis for further negotiations!"
(quoted in Dickie Bird's collection of anecdotes)
Harsha Bhogle on Narendra Hirwani, " If you make a team of all the number eleven batsmen in the world, Hirwani would still bat at number eleven!"
Brian Johnston on the Beeb "We welcome listeners with the news that Warr's declared" This made an old lady call up the BBC and ask "Against whom?"
Glen Turner getting hit in the fuse box on the 5th ball.
BJ :"Looks like he will carry on. One ball left."
England vs WI Trent Bridge 1950. Major partnership in progress
BJ : " I wonder what Norman Yardley is going to do to end this partnership."
Camera pans to Yardley who is scratching an embarassing place.
BJ :" Obviously, a very ticklish problem!"
BJ once meant to say," Henry Horton has got a funny sort of stance - it looks as if he's sitting on a shooting stick." He said it the other way around!
BJ : "Goodbye to Northampton and over to Edgbaston for some more balls from Rex Alston."
BJ : " Ken Barrington was dropped when two." He got a letter from a lady talking about the carelessness of mothers.
BJ's legendary gaffe immediately after proceedings began a break with Michael Holding (WI) bowling to Peter Willey (England). "Welcome back. The bowler's Holding the batsman's Willey".
Rex Alston : " Over now to *Old* John Arlott at *Trafford*."
England vs Australia, Headingly 1961
BJ : " There's Neil Harvey standing at leg slip, legs spread wide apart waiting for a tickle."
Rex Alston : " No runs from that over by Jack Young which means that he has now had four maidens on the trot."
Camera pans to John Warr sitting with his fiancee' Valerie
BJ : " Ah, Warr and piece."
Gatting to Gower during the 84-85 Eng Vs India series
Gatt:" Should I get wider at cover, David?"
Chris Cowdrey: "No mate, if you get any wider, you'll burst"
(quoted in Gower - An autobiography and in
Leading from the Front - by Mike Gatting.)
The following gems are from Fred Truman quoted in ,"FRED, Potrait of a fast bowler." by John Arlott (1971),
Hodder and Stoughton.Great Britain. I had posted them on the usenet newsgroup rec.sport.cricket in 1992 :-)
Pg 83
Tyson, coming back in the afternoon bowled Illingworth, which let in Wardle who was, in the words of Jim Sims 'not frightened, but somewhat apprehensive' When Tyson eventually managed to get at him he gave him the Trueman treatment, first a bouncer and then a straight half-volley which bowled him on the retreat. Trueman was the next batsman, and as he passed Wardle on the way to the wicket he remarked acidly,"What a bloody stroke". Within a minute he was on his way back - bowled Tyson 0 - and when he reached the dressing room, Wardle was waiting with 'What a bloody stroke". "Ay" he said,"I slipped on that heap of shit you dropped in the crease." This piece of repartee was
admired in the dressing-rooms for months.
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Pg 92
.....when, after a batsman who had already twice unconciously deflected him between pad and leg stump, made an on-side push and scored four to third man off the outside. Fred finished his follow through, stood hands
on hips and said in a tone of loathing and contempt, "You got more bloody edges than a broken pisspot."
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Pg 96
May went to Trueman soon after taking him off and asked him to bowl another flat-out spell while there was still time to win. As his bedraggled and sweating fast bowler wearily put out his hand for the ball he said cheerfully
"Come on, Fred - England expects, you know". "Oh, does she, skipper,is that why they call her the mother country?"
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pg 128
...and Fred to a delight he could not conceal, was appointed senior professional. It is convincingly related that when he was informed of this elevation, his first comment was, "Then t'first thing these buggers'll have
to do is cut out t'bloody swearing."
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pg99
..That did not prevent Trueman from cracking three of Evans' ribs with a beamer and apologising with, "Sorry about your ribs Godders- really I meant to skull you - anyway, why didn't you put your bloody bat there?"
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Pg150-151
Three remarks from this tour have gone down in the Trueman annals. In the two days while the party flown out to Aden, waited for their boat to Australia - the Canberra - they were generously entertained. At one party a local Sheikh ws present and one of the hosts pointed him out and said,
"He's got a hundred and ninety six wives". "Has he?" said Fred."Does he know that with another four he could have a new ball?"
David Sheppard who had interrupted a clerical career to make the tour, scored an important century at Melbourne but otherwise did not distinguish himself and after, a long absence from the first class game, he not unexpectedly dropped a number of catches. After one such miss Fred, the
injured bowler, said, "Kid yourself it's Sunday, Rev., and keep your hands together".
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Pg 155
As time grew short, Peter Sainsbury tossed his slow left-arm higher and higher in an attempt to persuade him (Trueman) into an injudicious stroke. Fred, resolutely abjuring his big swing, pushed forward with puritanical
rectitude. Sainsbury raised the curve even more alluringly; Trueman continued with his defensive prod. Eventually he turned to Leo Harrison, the wicket
keeper, with "My word he chucks it up, this cock, doesn't he? I'm all right when his bloody arm comes over, but I'm out of form by the time the bloody ball gets here". Later Sainsbury, unsuccessful, went off for Shackleton and
Ingleby-Mackenzie pushed the close fieldsmen up around the bat. Fred surveyed them with asperity and the words, "Stand back, go on, stand back - or I'll appeal against the light".
Cheers
Arun
