Now see what you gone and done Julian, you've woke up the big dogs what was sleeping under the porch and they don't cotton to no strange notions. Believe me, compared to ruckus this bunch of egg-sucking hounds can raise the bloody Spanish Inquisition was a mere tea party, a quiet tete a tete between the Parson and the Choir Director having a little chat about whether the word "wretch" should be included in the hymn Amazing Grace.

But mistake it not Julian, this snarling pack of ankle- nipers are not your usual knee-jerks. They are bonded only by their distaste of the innovative and new, and by the fact that they all learned most of what they know about language by playing Beatles records backwards when they were kids.

Now I must enter the fray and I may not come back. Or worse, I could come back as one of them, a zombie, a robot, mindlessly singing Beatles songs backwards and wearing bell-bottom pants. But go I must. I do this for you Julian, and for a thousand Julians yet to come. Together we confront the old ways of the dim dusty past and march bravely into the shining new world that awaits just ahead.


You first Faldage. Didn't you read all that good stuff I wrote about you, you know, about you being the final arbiter of usage and other stuff? Yeah, yeah, I know you didn't say anything bad. Yours is the sin of omission.
Straighten up. You know as well as I do that if you say "directment" over and over and over, pretty soon it begins to sound natural and you'll begin to use it often to impress your friends.
You are on probation.

(Coming Next Post: Milo Makes Mincemeat Out Of Fishonabike - The Nicest Man In England.)