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“Southern ladies know everything…
They’re born knowing everything.
They are born unshocked.”
“Senile diabetes – the (American doctors) were somewhat rude about it. ‘Mature onset’ diabetes… hm, they (Brits) always have a name for it!”
A story about Macmillan, strait-laced English Prime Minister, meeting M & Mme Charles de Gaulle…
Mac: “What does madame look forward to in retirement from public life?”
Madame:….“A penis.”
Mac: “Oh. Aah. Yes. Yes, well, I, uh,… yes, suppose….”
The words crumble in his mouth. De Gaulle leans across -
De Gaulle: “She means happiness!”
And one of his Grandma’s sayings:
“You know, you’ve got to be careful not to stir up more snakes than you can kill!”
which I would like to suggest as an aphorism dedicated to fellow awaders
This reminds me of that saying by the inimitable WC Fields:
“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite – furthermore, always carry a small snake.”
New and old hands, bless you all: keep those snakes loose and climbing all sorts of ladders.
I have a friend, a Lancashire man, who does exatly the same. He drops H's from the beginning of words like horse, and adds them before initial vowels. Has nyone heard of that famous literary character, Captain Hay'ab?
All you have to do is drop on in here (Montréal, Québec in Canada) to see that it is true. Drop by the French side of the Island and speak in English - you'll hear Hs poppin up where they shouldn't and missing where they should. If the person knows you, you will be greeted with a friendly, "Jane, ow har you?"
It is a well-known phenomenon in Québec and comedians (French and English) sometimes rag on us a bit for it. Those trying to learn English must really put in the effort to try to correct this tendency.
Jackie, let's leave 'em in suspense on this one.
Unshocked or unshockable?
When I think about it, the ability to be shocked seems to be a learned one. Most children are far less shockable than most adults. At least, that's how it appears to me.
But usually their hair gets much thicker later in life.
TEd
Maybe they learnt their English from Cockney speakers, who tend to do the same.
My favourite story illustrating this habit is as follows:
Family party at London Zoo, at the Aviary designed by Lord Snowden. Big argument in progress - "It's a Howl.", declares Grandma. "No it hain't - it's a Heagle," counters young Bert. This exchange is repeated several times, before Grandma spots a Zoo Keeper. "'Ere, young Bill, go an' ask that there man wot this 'ere bird is." Off goes Billy, and comes back a minute later, slightly out of breath, to confound them all with the information. "Hit ain't neither a Howl nor a Heagle - it's an 'awk!"
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