Here's a thread to quote quips found on signage in your local pub, restaurant or bathroom wall (please, no bumper stickers... or I'll YART you )

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"My wife has a drinking problem - ME"

"God made just so many perfect heads
...he covered the rest with hair"

"Avoid hangovers... stay drunk"

"Rehab is for quitters"

...and my favorite...

Wo ich bin ist chaos -
- aber ich kann nicht uberall sein! (I know what it means, but I'll leave the *translation to you pro's)