#6945
10/03/2000 10:38 AM
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757 |
silent P, as in poolFor more intricacies of how and how not to introduce unwelcome p into your language, try: http://reality.sgi.com/relph/humor/chaos.htmlAnd now I come to look back again, Jo, I cannot help but notice the general drift of your phonetics: Jay, Lay, High... Ah, a child of the sixties 
|
|
|
#6946
10/03/2000 11:21 AM
|
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
I have seen signs you can buy that say:
Welcome to our ool: you'll notice there's no p in it,
and we'd like to keep it that way.
|
|
|
#6947
10/04/2000 12:34 AM
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 347
enthusiast
|
|
enthusiast
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 347 |
..And a belated thanks, Maverick, for your explanation of JCBs. You learn something every day. I'll pay more attention to bulldozer-like thingies than I used to.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757 |
Back to thread, bear: I was reminded last night of the large sign on the grass approach to Newport Boat Club, where I go every week to play bridge: Keep Dogs on Leads - No Bicycleswhich presumably lets the fishes off the hook
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
|
|
Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
Back to thread, bear
Reminds me of my ancient and tattered Teddy, who is called Fred.
I received a large envelope through my small letter-box yesterday, which the postman had used to demonstrate the falsity of the legend that it bore:-
PHOTOGRAPHS DO NOT BEND
|
|
|
#6950
10/05/2000 10:16 AM
|
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 1,981
Pooh-Bah
|
|
Pooh-Bah
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 1,981 |
>PHOTOGRAPHS DO NOT BEND
On front of envelope: PHOTOGRAPHS DO NOT BEND
Scrawled note from postal worker: Oh yes they do!
|
|
|
#6951
10/10/2000 10:46 AM
|
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 444
addict
|
|
addict
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 444 |
A little off-track, but we recently received an 'Induction Manual' at work. Quite apart from the fact that I am not sure I really want to induce new employees, I was confused by the instruction to:
'Establish work-station and explain stationary system.'
|
|
|
#6952
10/10/2000 10:50 AM
|
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 444
addict
|
|
addict
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 444 |
(I am at last going to succumb and knowingly post separate posts to get my count up there...  ) Noticed in the Post Office the other day: 'Shop stealing is a crime. Offenders will be prosecuted.' Has anyone ever seen someone trying to steal a shop?
|
|
|
#6953
10/10/2000 10:52 AM
|
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 444
addict
|
|
addict
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 444 |
...and why do banks, buidling societies, phone companies and other corporate robbers never heed the common exhortation to 'Post no bills'??? (I suppose if they did there would never be anything in my letterbox  )
|
|
|
#6954
10/10/2000 12:34 PM
|
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 1,981
Pooh-Bah
|
|
Pooh-Bah
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 1,981 |
I suppose they got fed up of looking for Bill Posters. I never knew why they were always so keen to prosecute him, he's probably a really nice chap and awfully hurt when he sees the sign:
Bill Posters Will Be Prosecuted
|
|
|
#6955
10/10/2000 12:53 PM
|
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 1,027
old hand
|
|
old hand
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 1,027 |
Which one do you mean, the grand-father, the father or the son?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757 |
explain stationary system
Lovely, Bridget!
And if each gem takes a separate post…
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 444
addict
|
|
addict
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 444 |
Mav, I hope you're ashamed of yourself!!! That was a truly Olympian distortion of ideals - and you got us both into trouble too. S'pose now you'll say I started it???  (BTW isn't marking 'I' up into italics a great combination of keystrokes. If anything coudl give me dyslexia....)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 1,981
Pooh-Bah
|
|
Pooh-Bah
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 1,981 |
>and you got us both into trouble too
The problem is, on this subject, whois able to throw the first stone?!!!!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
|
|
Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
Whoever doesn't live in the glass-house?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 444
addict
|
|
addict
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 444 |
>Whoever doesn't live in the glass-house?<
Reminds me of the African chief (I forget his full name), who fell in love with not only numerous African women but also Western style furniture. So he bought each of his numerous wives an imposing chair to sit in on state occasions. And an even more imposing one for himself, of course - a vertiable monument of carved and inlaid wood.
All went well until his love for his numerous wives led to numerous children, so many that there was no room in the house! The chieftain sadly decided that he would have to move some of the furniture out, but he couldn't bear the thought of parting with it. He puzzled and puzzled over this, then at last struck on another Western idea - an attic to store the chairs in until his youngsters were grown.
Unfortunately his knowledge of architectural priciples was limited - no one had ever told him that people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
|
|
|
#6964
10/18/2000 10:13 AM
|
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
Bridget--
As soon as I read your first six words, I thought, "Oh,
goody!" And I was right! That was a good one!
Now I'll wait and see if Ted comes on and tries to better it! Hmm--think I'll send him a personal challenge. Man,
you-all crack me up with these!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
|
|
Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
Well, Bridget, that seems in principle to be similar to the troupe of acrobats from Northern Spain who developed a spectacular display that involved them all appearing from (apparently) the same spot at the same moment and instantaneously forming a human pyramid. To create this illusaion they had to be crammed into one small space to start off, and the only suitable hidy-hole was the Way Out. Unfortunately, as the waited for their cue, a large vehicle, out of control, crashed into that bit of the Big Top, crushing them all. Which served them right for putting all their Basques in one Exit. 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757 |
From The New Scientist (27 April 02) Each separate 21-day blister pack of the contraceptive pill Marvelon comes in an individual foiled wrapper with the wording "Child resistant pack"
|
|
|
#6967
03/27/2005 12:29 AM
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757 |
Barry Cryer today on Radio 4: "There was a packet of sausages with a picture of Antony Worrall Thompson, and the legend underneath said: Prick With a Fork!"http://www.awtonline.co.uk/welcome.asp
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
Hmmm. Never heard of one with more than a single shaft.
TEd
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
By the way, this was a real blast from long ago. Did anyone except me notice there was an unexpurgated Max Quordlepleen post or two?
TEd
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 96
journeyman
|
|
journeyman
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 96 |
There are directions and instructions. Combine them : Destructions!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 96
journeyman
|
|
journeyman
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 96 |
Sign at a quick oil change shop: we supply wipers,mufflers, cat coverters, etc. I have a cat because I WANT a cat!
|
|
|
#6972
03/30/2005 11:10 PM
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757 |
That reminds me of the sign frequently seen this side of the pond, in the rest rooms area of public buildings:
Baby changing facility
yeah, swop 'em for something useful, mom, they smell :)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 500
addict
|
|
addict
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 500 |
My sister took a photograph of a sign she saw in Ireland. It was a homemade sign, posted beside the road, and it warned: Powerful slow ducks Maybe they were JCB ducks?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,692
Pooh-Bah
|
|
Pooh-Bah
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,692 |
Years ago there was a pub in a Sussex village called Sompting and the sign to it read "Standon Inn Sompting". Unfortunately the inn is no more - it was converted from a public into a private house.
A road on the Isle of Wight climbs up a steep hill to form the stem of a T juction. The signpost on the road forming the crosspiece of the T carries two notices pointing in diametrically opposite directions. One reads "Way to Station", the other reads "Easier Way to Station". For some reason this has always struck me as highly funny.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
Here's my contribution. Many of the others at this web site are pretty funny or odd as well. http://signsoflife.goose24.org/?sign=24
TEd
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 500
addict
|
|
addict
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 500 |
Once when I made a visit to Ottawa, the friend with whom I was staying took me on a little drive to Parliament Hill. On the road by the Parliament buildings there is a stop sign. Right next to it is one of those parking-rules signs that says "No stopping at any time".
Of course, this IS Ottawa......
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 96
journeyman
|
|
journeyman
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 96 |
In a northside Chicago park; Dogs riding bicycles and skateboarding forbidden. Too bad, I'd like to have seen that.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 2,379
Pooh-Bah
|
|
Pooh-Bah
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 2,379 |
Pinned to the derrier of the passenger on a Harley Davidson driving up the NY Throughway, a store-bought sign reading "Baby On Board"
|
|
|
#6980
04/01/2005 10:49 PM
|
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 2,379
Pooh-Bah
|
|
Pooh-Bah
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 2,379 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
For how much?
It may be rice beer to you, but it's sake to me.
SPLASH!!
It may be a wall plug to you, but it's a socket to me.
SPLASH.
It may be a bike gear to you, but it's a sprocket to me.
SPLASH!
It may be HH Munro to you, but it's Saki to me.
SPLASH!
He may be a heavy-weight boxing champ to you, but he's a Sharkey to me.
SPLASH!
Gosh, I miss Laugh-in. Even after all these years.
TEd
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 500
addict
|
|
addict
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 500 |
It may be Expo 70 to you, but it's Osaka to me!
Splash!
Laugh-In was the first indication of a generation gap between me and my husband. He remembers the half-hour truncated reruns - I was around for the first season, and actually ALLOWED to stay up to watch it!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 2,379
Pooh-Bah
|
|
Pooh-Bah
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 2,379 |
I remember laugh in well enough, but not this routine.
They tried a rerun several years ago and, although we used to laugh hysterically, it just didn't work anymore for me. Ah well.
|
|
|
#6984
04/02/2005 12:50 PM
|
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803 |
My favorite "sock it to me" line from Laugh-In was when Nixon came back on and said "Ok, you can stop now."
|
|
|
|
|
