When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Sign In Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
A saleswoman is driving toward home in Northern Arizona when she sees an
Indian woman hitchhiking.
Since the trip had been long and quiet, she stops the car and the Indian
woman gets in. After a bit of small talk, the Indian woman notices a brown
bag on the front seat.
"What's in the bag?", she asks.
"It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband", says the saleswoman.
The Indian woman is silent for a while and then she says, "Good trade."
Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry", said the first one.
"Me, too", said the second. "Let's fly down and find some lunch."
They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of
worms. They ate and ate and ate 'til they could eat no more. "I'm so full I
don't think I can fly back up to the tree," said the first one.
"Me neither, let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun", said the second.
"OK", said the first.
They plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen
asleep, a big fat tomcat snuck up and gobbled them up. As he sat washing his
face after his meal, he thought, "I love baskin' robins."
BLONDE HONEYMOON
On the first day of their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy
but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to
find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he
replied, "Because it's Lent."
Almost in tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I
have ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?"
