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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 279
enthusiast
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enthusiast
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 279 |
Speaken of all things aminalistic - what do ya call a septic cat?
puss
Be seein ya
Anon
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819 |
I am reminded of the three most common lies told in Montana: "Yeah, this here's MY ranch," "Of course, my pickup truck's paid for," and "I was just helpin' this here sheep over the fence."
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757 |
a septic cat?
puss in boots?
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605 |
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,692
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,692 |
One more to follow the animal theme, a bit long but worth it:
A farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell.
The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've got this great rooster, named Randy. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem."
Well, Randy the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Randy. The farmer takes Randy home and sets him down in the barnyard, first giving the rooster a pep talk.
"Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said, with a chuckle.
Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer pointed toward the hen house and Randy took off like a shot. - WHAM! - Randy nails every hen in the hen house three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked. After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Randy is in there. Later, the farmer sees Randy after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! He gets all the geese.
By sunset he sees Randy out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day, to find Randy still as the dead, stone cold in the middle of the yard.
Buzzards are circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive bird, shakes his head and says, "Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."
Randy opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, "Shhhh...., asshole, they're getting closer.”
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636 |
I guess that must have been a case of "What the hell?"[scratching head-e] so we just suited ourselves!  wwh - Tell me, how did the shag rug on the floor in the back of the van get into the header? My best guess would be thirty year old tequilla 
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636 |
A transcript of the new answering service recently installed at the
Mental Health Institute:
Hello. And welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalties, press 3, 4, and 5.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which numbers to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press--- no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. all of our operators are too busy to talk to you.
Suicide hot line. Please hold.
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 315
enthusiast
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enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 315 |
Apologies to the Italian's reading it
No,no.. no reason for apologizing... If I only could understand how the ortographic mistakes are referring to a supposed Italian accent, I think that I could then improve my own accent - I think that I understood "asses" for "s's"in Mississippi - but why lasta? and da tar tar?
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661
Carpal Tunnel
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OP
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661 |
... but why lasta? and da tar tar?
One guess. A mispronounced "steak OF THE tar-tar". "OF THE" being used to announce the adjectival nature of tar-tar, which only becomes necessary as one learns *english one word ata time.
The "a" is pronounced like "uh" or "um", which may be a teacher passing their own 'pausing utterance' on to the attentive student. Just another bad guess.
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Dragging this back to shagging, by the ears...
What do you call 500 Indians with no nipples?
The Indian nippless 500
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