#63632
04/03/2002 8:37 PM
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Another member has challenged me to make a post about euphemisms. I mostly dislike them, but have hear a few worth repeating. I posted this one before, but haven't a large repertoire.
Please, AWADtalkers, contribute some examples, both clever and annoying.
A very likeable unmarried middle-aged lady who could be truthfully described as "an unclaimed blessing" excused the nastiness of a disagreeable old maid by saying: "Her problem is she has never been awakened."
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#63633
04/03/2002 10:16 PM
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old hand
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A very likeable unmarried middle-aged lady who could be truthfully described as "an unclaimed blessing" excused the nastiness of a disagreeable old maid by saying: "Her problem is she has never been awakened."Say wwh, your example above is an example of excellent and colorful prose, but I'm not sure that this allusion is a euphemism. To me the idea of Awakened, even if the phrase, by a man, is implied, doesn't necessarily represent a bounce in the bed, a roll in the hay, and so forth, ad nauseum. The act of Being awakened, like an unclaimed blessing, seems better understood as a larger, more significant, event than a mere euphemistic bang in bed. Of course I don't speak for the board. 
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#63634
04/03/2002 11:11 PM
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Dear milum: thanks for your contribution. In another thread the phrase "fall pregnant" was discussed. I have seen a euphemism for this "an interesting condition". That's more la-di-da than clever.
A very ancient one" There once was an Indian maid
' ' ' Who was ever and ever so afraid
The some buckaroo
Would slip it up her flue
And reach her promised land.
So she had an idea grand
She'd stuff it up with sand..........(fine beach sand.......)
I wouldn't have posted this, except that our refined ladies have not contributed.
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#63635
04/04/2002 12:05 AM
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I wouldn't have posted this, except that our refined ladies have not contributed. (emphasis mine)
Well, I don't know about the refined ladies, but I'm here. Your discussion prompted me to look up euphemism - just to clarify exactly what I was commenting on.
From the Cambridge International Dictionary of English:
euphemism
noun
(the use of) a word or phrase used to avoid saying another word or phrase that is more forceful and honest but also more unpleasant or offensive eg. 'Senior citizen' is a euphemism for 'old person'. [C]
How about euphemism as a euphemism for propaganda? Then there's the "[insert appropriate type here] challenged" eg. vertically challenged for people who are short. How about in real estate (property) ads where they talk about something being a "rare find" generally - upon inspection -found to mean that you won't find anything like it, because all the others have been bulldozed? Is that a euphemism, or am I getting the wrong idea here... not claiming to be any kind of expert, I'm here to learn.
Just found a site with a few fun ones - here's the link: http://makeashorterlink.com/?Z168120A
Hev
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#63636
04/04/2002 12:40 AM
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I was going to highlight the relevant sections, but the '[', 'b' and ']' keys died from overuse...
In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree:
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.
So twice five miles of fertile ground
With walls and towers were girdled round:
And here were gardens bright with sinuous rills
Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree;
And here were forests ancient as the hills,
Enfolding sunny spots of greenery.
But oh! that deep romantic chasm which slanted
Down the green hill athwart a cedarn cover!
A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
And from this chasm, with ceaseless turmoil seething,
As if this earth in fast thick pants were breathing,
A mighty fountain momently was forced;
Amid whose swift half-intermitted burst
Huge fragments vaulted like rebounding hail,
Or chaffy grain beneath the thresher's flail:
And 'mid these dancing rocks at once and ever
It flung up momently the sacred river.
Five miles meandering with a mazy motion
Through wood and dale the sacred river ran,
Then reached the caverns measureless to man,
And sank in tumult to a lifeless ocean:
And 'mid this tumult Kubla heard from far
Ancestral voices prophesying war!
The shadow of the dome of pleasure
Floated midway on the waves:
Where was heard the mingled measure
From the fountain and the caves.
It was a miracle of rare device,
A sunny pleasure-dome with caves of ice!
A damsel with a dulcimer
In a vision once I saw:
It was an Abyssinian maid,
And on her dulcimer she played,
Singing of Mount Abora.
Could I revive within me
Her symphony and song,
To such a deep delight 't would win me
That with music loud and long,
I would build that dome in air,
That sunny dome! those caves of ice!
And all who heard should see them there,
And all should cry, Beware! Beware!
His flashing eyes, his floating hair!
Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For he on honey-dew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise.
Kubla Khan - Samuel Taylor Coleridge, 1798
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#63637
04/04/2002 12:55 AM
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highlight the relevant sections, but the '[', 'b' and ']' keys died from overuse
Oh, please, Doc_C can you find some other highlighting mechanism? I'd love to see all the euphemisms in Kubla Khan (cos I'd probably miss them unless someone pointed them out). If someone had pointed them out to me in high school, I might have enjoyed it even more.
Hev
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#63638
04/04/2002 1:02 AM
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[open invitation]I think I'll leave that the others. You know who you are[/open invitation]
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#63639
04/04/2002 1:13 AM
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Carpal Tunnel
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Dear doc_comfort: I'm baffled. I read the poem twice, and was unable to spot any euphemisms, in the sense of a chaste word for a vulgar subject.
Sometimes ironic phrases can be euphemisms. The New Yorker used to have a column named "In love with sound of own voice" dedicated to mocking pretentious writers.
There are many cutesy ways of referring to biological processes not considered suitable for explicit mention. The word "explicit" is now standard alert that something objectionable is about to appear.
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#63640
04/04/2002 1:21 AM
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But oh! that deep romantic chasm... is probably the most obvious.
Don't know if this will clear things up, but think of the whole poem as a euphamism (or am I mixing this with metaphor) for a one-night stand.
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#63641
04/04/2002 1:51 AM
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Dear doc_comfort: I looked at that phrase which taken out of context could be used to hide a sexual fantasy. But the following lines are too violent for such fantasy, it seems to me. I have heard of female ejaculation, but nothing like that!
Keiva sent me a PM mentioning "numbers", which reminded me of euphemism in grade school, where kids asked permission to go to toilet by holding up fingers, one meaning need to urinate, two meaning need to defecate. This is frequently used in sports stories with one coach bragging that his team "will do a number" on the opposition.
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#63642
04/04/2002 2:14 AM
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Maybe I'm missing the point here, but the things I find objectionable and have always considered euphemisms include:
Pre-owned
Custodial Engineer
Sanitation Engineer
And anything challenged...foliclely, mentally, motivationally, horizontally, economically, to name a few.
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#63643
04/04/2002 2:23 AM
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Realestate salesmen can be quite clever in avoiding charges of false advertising. I wouldn't be surprised to see an ad for a Chick Sale mansion. Chick Sale being a long ago comedian who had a monopoly on jokes about the little house behind the big house. (There's another old-time euphemism).
The byproducts were removed by a "honey wagon". That's one more.
In WWII in martial arts training, the male gonads were chastely referred to as "the family jewels."
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#63644
04/04/2002 3:14 AM
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Oh my gosh, I LOVE that poem!! PLEASE don't tell me it's just...it's just...about sex!?!? Oh, the joy and delight will be gone forever, for me...
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#63645
04/04/2002 1:32 PM
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veteran
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Damnation! It's like I just read it for the first time.
k
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#63646
04/04/2002 3:48 PM
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Pooh-Bah
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the rock band from Minneapolis called The Replacements had a funny song about airline stewardesses called "Waitress in the sky"
Sanitation expert and a maintenance engineer
Garbage man, a janitor and you, my dear
I find some euphemisms for death to be pretty annoying. "He passed" has to be the worst. And yet some of them are funny, such as "He joined the majority."
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#63647
04/04/2002 3:58 PM
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horses sweat
gentlemen perspire
ladies glow
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#63648
04/04/2002 4:34 PM
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Don't know if this will clear things up, but think of the whole poem as a euphamism (or am I mixing this with metaphor) for a one-night stand.
Coleridge claimed that the visions in the poem actually occurred to him in a dream -- must we apply Freudian analysis?
(metaphor)
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#63649
04/04/2002 4:47 PM
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tsuwm, I'm trying to recall whether that was a drug-induced dream (opium?).
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#63650
04/04/2002 4:54 PM
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vertically challenged
Then there was the woman who wrote a newspaper column on issues affecting the disabled who once referred to them as the severely euphemized.
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#63651
04/04/2002 5:55 PM
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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"The severely euphemized" -- ah, brevity is the soul of wit.
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#63652
04/04/2002 6:26 PM
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old hand
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Like Coleridge I'm trying to remember where this phrase came from...a dream?...from a book?...on this board? To wit... Almost everything in nature is either concave or convex, apply Freud at will if you must appease your wanton lust.(uh I might have embellished it a bit)Kubla Kahn- a 54 line poem of sexual allusions to certain aspects of the female anatomy ? Come on, Coleridge was good, but not that good.
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#63653
04/04/2002 6:44 PM
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Carpal Tunnel
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but not that good. unlike us [we are Kahn-do guys here  ]
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#63654
04/04/2002 8:24 PM
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Carpal Tunnel
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#63655
04/04/2002 9:57 PM
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Just out of interest, what did you think it was about before I opened my big mouth? Question directed to all and sundry.
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#63656
04/04/2002 11:54 PM
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OK, Doc Comfort, it is time for you to reach a new day. The poem, bless your heart, is a mystical dream of the 19th century mind towards a land of the exotic, a romantic desire to escape the confines of a overly constructed puritan culture, but Coleridge, even subliminally, would never have stooped to the thoughts that you feel free to assign. Re-read The Ancient Mariner, A project begun by the more-or-less straight-laced Wordsworth, then finished by Coleridge. Could this moralist be the lewdist you imagine? I, Milum, challenge you, young Mr. Comfort, to a line-by -line duel. The only thing you have to lose in a contest like this is your virginity.
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#63657
04/05/2002 1:07 AM
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I, Milum, challenge you, young Mr. Comfort, to a line-by -line duel.
Oh goody! A fight!
prophesying war! Beware! Beware!
His flashing eyes, his floating hair!
And close your eyes with holy dread!
"Get your tickets here!!!!! Programs -- popcorn -- peanuts -- sooveneers -- ice cold beer!!!!"
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#63658
04/05/2002 1:34 AM
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Carpal Tunnel
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Dear Milum: I'm glad you are challenging doc_comfort, and not me. I re-read the Ancient Mariner a couple months ago, and the only sex I can remember was the wedding to which the guests were going.
Incidentally, I did not know until recently that good old wordsworth abandoned a daughter born without benefit of clergy.. Not sure of details, but it made him a bastard in my book. I like his poetry just the same.
"without benefit of clergy" a euphemism of sorts, but hardly a compliment
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#63659
04/05/2002 2:01 AM
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Hey Dr Bill, here's some scientific euphemisms I found: 10. It is well known: " A few others share my wild idea."
9. As you well know: "No one knows."
8. As you remember: "No one remembers."
7. As you can see: "This slide is so confused I can't explain it myself."
6. The average value: " A composite of the experiments that worked."
5. A typical example: "The best I could find."
4. It is obvious: "I can't see it and neither can you."
3. Early experiments were inconclusive: "I completely goofed up for six months."
2. The material is slightly toxic: "All the injected animals died."
1. Additional study is needed: "I need all the grant money I can get." copied from http://www.cranlucas.com/euph.htm
A couple of friends of mine are scientists, and I'm going to re-think some of the things they've told me now! 
Hev
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#63660
04/05/2002 3:15 AM
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old hand
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I LOVE that poem!! PLEASE don't tell me it's just...it's just...about sex!?!? Oh, the joy and delight will be gone forever, for me...
"just" about sex?
I dunno about anybody else, but if that ther pome really is about sex, it sounds like the most mind-blowingly excellent sex, and I wanna get me some. How sad to dis it for being about sex like that. Wooohoooooo!
Maybe it's "just" about lovemaking. Even better!
Poems - like novels and other creative works - are about what each of us reads in them. No written work is complete until it is read; by the same token, one written work on the page is almost-limitless written works in the minds of its readers.
Personally I think it's all about cricket. [kidding-e]
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#63661
04/05/2002 3:45 AM
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Hubby and I were looking at some real estate ads and this one jumped out at us:
Step saver ranch
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#63662
04/05/2002 3:58 AM
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Another popular real estate euphemism: "a fixer-upper" There are endless euphemisms for genitalia and for the sexual act, too (I notice most posting here have been too delicate to bring these up - of course I feel no such scruples, but y'all knew that already and I might as well go ahead, being in hot water already as I am, an' all, an' all). My fave listing of the male genitalia's euphemisms (and yet, only some of them - there are LOTS) is Monty Python's The Penis Song (Not the Noel Coward Song): Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong It's swell to have a stiffy It's divine to own a dick From the tiniest little tadger To the world's biggest prick! So three cheers for your willy or John Thomas Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend Your Percy or your cock You can wrap it up in ribbons You can slip it in your sock But don't take it out in public Or they will stick you in the dock And you won't come back. (thank you very much) (Personally, if I had one of my own, that's what I'd do with it - wrap it up in ribbons and slip it in my sock. Man, I'd just stay home and play with it all day. How do men ever get anything done?!) Female-genitalia-wise, I just have a li'l story: I was in the "comfort station" (this is, after all, a thread about euphemisms!) of a campground in Broome, Western Australia, when I met a fellow Canuck who was on tour with the same company I was travelling with, but going in the opposite direction. We got chatting about the people on our buses and how congenial they were, and she told me they had a young Korean girl on their bus who got drunk very quickly and easily and always got loud and amusing when inebriated. "The other day," she said, "she was asking us to tell her all the English slang for vagina....We came up with quite a list." I said, "I hope you remembered the good ol' Canadian one," and she said, "Yes, the c-word came up." I said, "No, I meant BEAVER!" and she was extremely aghast to realise that she had missed that one. Huh. And she called herself a Canadian. As far as euphemisms for sex go, my personal favourite is good ol' Shakes's contribution: making the beast with two backs.
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#63663
04/05/2002 4:13 AM
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Step saver ranch
Er, um, pardon my ... whatever ... but, what is this a euphemism for? We don't got no ranches in Oz...
Hev
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#63664
04/05/2002 4:20 AM
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old hand
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I'm guessing "step-saver" means "small" - but I'm not guessing about "ranch" - I know for sure you would know it as a "station." (I am going to change my handle to globalmodestgoddess )
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#63665
04/05/2002 4:20 AM
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Step saver ranch
Er, um, pardon my ... whatever ... but, what is this a euphemism for? We don't got no ranches in Oz...
A ranch is simply a one-floor house...no upstairs. The step saver part is the euphemism for small!
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#63666
04/05/2002 4:22 AM
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parm me - posted same time as Angel....! and just realised, as I clicked "continue," that "ranch" also refers to what she said.  slightlylessthanworldlymodestgoddess
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#63667
04/05/2002 4:34 AM
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I am going to change my handle to globalmodestgoddess )
Oh no, modestgoddess, I think that may be a little too much responsibility for one goddess. Besides, we got our own goddesses in Oz! Ahem...
Hev
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#63668
04/05/2002 4:39 AM
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Hey I've been paying special attention at work today (err, well, special attention to words, not to work per se ). I've noticed there's a hell of a lot of euphemisms here: Job title: Relationship Capture (translation: sales) Re-deployment (translation: move an unwanted person to another department rather than have to go through the process of three-warnings-sacking) Any other business ones? (I know there's lots...) Hev
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#63669
04/05/2002 11:17 AM
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Carpal Tunnel
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I would think that step saver ranch would be drawing attention to the fact that you wouldn't have to run up and down stairs to "water the grass". [legs weary from two flights of stairs at work and one at home-e]
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#63670
04/05/2002 2:56 PM
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Carpal Tunnel
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Dear connie: Anybody who minds stairs is not hearing a health alert - they need more exercise. If you don't have time for sports, make yourself use the stairs.
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#63671
04/05/2002 3:49 PM
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Carpal Tunnel
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the male genitalia's euphemisms modgod, that is (again ) a game that two can play -- sauce for the gander is sauce for the saucy goose. Since you've been listing we masculinisms, how about a list of [*rimshot*] you-feminisms?
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