Dear Keiva: I have seen cowrie shells. They do indeed look very much like a vulva, porcine or human.

When the troopship I was on stopped at Funafuti, now called Tuvalu and worrying about sea level rising, there came out an outrigger propelled by a wizened up wimpy elderly male, and in command a middle aged virago so fat her buttocks hung over both sides of the craft. She wanted to trade, but was indifferent to money, only mildly interested in fish hooks and cigarette lighters. She would give one cowrie shell for ten bucks. But when I put a vial of highly perfumed Pinaud aftershave lotion on a line lowered it down to her, she got so excited I thought she was going to swamp the outrigger. I got a whole necklace of cowrie shells. Alas, my wife thought it indecent and threw it away when I was not home to protest.