This particular research program is known as "growing up a redneck." One day in particular, I was walking up this creek in Taylorsville, KY. 'They' called it a river, but it looked a bit puny to deserve such a title. They had damned up the river to form a new lake. We were walking straight up the middle of the creek and snatching water snakes and I think it was garters out of the water. The garters (or whatever they were) didn't bite and were just trying to get away, but the water snakes were ferocious (not that I blamed them). They'd latch on and try to rip - repeatedly. My buddies and I had fistfulls of the squiggly boogers and they were not happy at being manhandled. Most were about 2 - 2.5 feet long. For days later, we each had little brown-red, scabby marks all over our arms. Hundreds of 'em.

One of my buddies was a herpetologist, otherwise we would have been more careful. We let 'em go at the end - all except one garter I kept for a few years. I called him sneaky and fed him worms. He was fat and happy when I let him go. He was pretty small at first. I don't recall, maybe 8 or 9 inches. When he would eat a worm, he'd roll over on his side like he needed an alka-selzer.

On this particular trip, I was already in college. But we have been creek walkers nearly as far back as I can remember. Usually, we would just go for crawdads or fish or what have you. Sometimes we'd try to make damns in the creek ourselves, or build a fort inside a briar patch, or any number of other stupid and sometimes dangerous activities. Sometimes it was just to see who could pee the farthest. There are a lot of ways to keep yourself amused in the woods.

One time in Alaska, my brother found a human foot in the woods, which I promptly wrapped up and took in to school for a teacher to look at. He called the MPs and the CID showed up and wanted to know where I got it. I wasn't that familiar with the particular area and I refused to tell them at first, because I thought their heavy-handed ways might scare the crap out of my little brother. I told 'em eventually after they toned it down a little and he took 'em out to where he found it. No idea how it turned out.

Ah, yeah ... research. I guess that's as good a name as any for it. I should have thought to get an NSF grant.


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