#60759
03/17/2002 6:08 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661 |
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.......A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male.........A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 5 minutes ...and the explaination is: Men are smart enough to know there is nothing good on anyway, but too dumb to pick the best of what is there and stick to it... whereas Women are smart enough to have tennacity but don't know that they made the wrong choice. I know I'm in trouble now but I don't know with whom! 
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#60760
03/17/2002 6:45 PM
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,526
veteran
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veteran
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,526 |
Hmmm. I thought you lived on the east coast, not in San Francisco!
Hehehe. cute.
k
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#60761
03/17/2002 11:07 PM
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 2,891
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 2,891 |
Oh, all right, I’ll do it ladies. It is evident somebody is shaking the hive to anger the bees. It’s like a kiddy throwing a tantrum to attract mom’s attention. _________________________________________________________________ but I also know that only one lady in one million could whip me in a fair fight. Poor, poor Raymond. Still under the erroneous ( look it up dear) impression that brawn is the overall measure of a man. I’m sure most men can beat up most women but that doesn’t make them any smarter. A little look in your biology books ( oops, I’m assuming you managed to get to grade 10 in high-school here, please excuse me if you haven’t) will tell you that your physical strength is in no way indicative ( do you have a dictionary dear?) of your level of intelligence. _________________________________________________________________ That said, welcome Raymond  .
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#60762
03/17/2002 11:27 PM
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 477
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Posts: 477 |
Men do indeed use maps; women have no idea what a map is
Sorry, BYB, stales et al, but I gotta add my voice to the protest on this one. I am *very good at both navigating naturally and reading maps, have great spatial awareness, can park a car like a pro and drive better than a lot of blokes I know (and am occasionally courteous to boot). I don't ask for directions either, except as a last resort - because most of the time with my sense of direction and maps to use, I can find my way on my own.
Times have changed boys... ya can't keep these stereotypes going, no matter how much you'd like to. [mock  -e] Nice try, though... [bring it on!!-e]
Hev
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#60763
03/17/2002 11:55 PM
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 2,605 |
the erroneous impression that brawn is the overall measure of a man
Well rung, bel!
About 15 years ago I handled legal work for an office building my company had bought in Houston. After I'd gotten to know the leasing agent we'd hired there, business eventually brought me down to Houston, and we met in person.
Now the agent, Carolyn, was 6'0" tall (1.83 meters), strikingly good looking, and a flamboyant dresser. The moment we met she looked down on me and drawled, friendly Texas-style, "Yuh know, Ken, Ah didn't know thut they grew thar attorneys so small up thar in Chicahgo." I replied with a wink, "Well Carolyn dahlin', I don't know how you measure down here in Texas, but where I come from we measure our attorneys from the neck up."
Carolyn and I were great friends from that moment on.
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#60764
03/18/2002 2:12 AM
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 872
old hand
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old hand
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Posts: 872 |
Poor poor Raymond. A little look in your biology books (oops, I’m assuming you managed to get to grade 10 in high-school here, please excuse me if you haven’t) will tell you that your physical strength is in no way indicative (do you have a dictionary dear?) of your level of intelligence. -belMarduk. Bel, please. Let me apologize. It's my fault for not keeping Raymond away from my computer. Raymond, you see, is a poor motherless child that lives- if you can call it that- with his drunken father in a single-wide trailer across the tracts, down the street. He is eighteen years old and still in the ninth grade and has no friends. Except me. Sometimes I give him a hot meal and let him play on my computer. I think that his intemperate remarks were but a cry for attention from a mother he never knew. I scolded him soundly and he has promised not to annoy you people of the board ever again. Milum. _________________________________________________________________
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#60765
03/18/2002 4:40 AM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,289
veteran
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veteran
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,289 |
Well, Hev, you antipodean sheilas (if that's not a tautology) are, I suppose, different from the run of the mill female in this country. And of course, WOW and Helen, being AWADers, are several cuts above the norm. I guess I have to allow that there will be exceptions, so I can't keep on arguing that no woman knows about maps; obviously there are a few (damn few), just like you may occasionally find a man who has no hesitancy in asking all and sundry for directions, but then there are men who like to wear their wives' or girlfriends' panties.
It's like these females who I've been seeing lately on the home-remodeling shows on the cable channels -- they dress up in overalls and hard hats and have these tool belts and they get out their power drills and electric screwdrivers and attempt to convince the viewers that even though they are women they are competent carpenters, builders, etc. Well, a thumb to the nose to them. First, I don't believe they really know what they're doing, and secondly, I wouldn't marry one of them if they were the only women on earth. [/chauvinist pig rant]
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#60766
03/18/2002 5:37 AM
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 477
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you antipodean sheilas (if that's not a tautology) are, I suppose, different from the run of the mill female in this country. And of course, WOW and Helen, being AWADers, are several cuts above the norm.
Thanks. I think... Fearless... come back and help me out with this one. She'll bring the Tim-Tams, and we'll make you a nice cup of coffee and have a bit of a chat. Gotta sort you out somehow BYB.
In the meantime, I'm not sure how to take Antipodean sheilas as tautology... Unless, of course, you are insulting stales, doc_comfort, paulb, MaxQ, and CapK as well. Or was I just not quite map-readingly-intelligent enough to get your drift? [cheeky-e]
I'm gonna leave that other bit alone... don't have the inclination to debate that right now. I'm SO glad I didn't take up the job offer for that lifestyle show though...
Hev
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#60767
03/18/2002 1:15 PM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511 |
Raymond... lives across the tracts
Would those be the Bible tracts?
He is eighteen years old and still in the ninth grade
Sure is an articulate guy for a left-back ninth-grader! [impressed]
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#60768
03/18/2002 1:30 PM
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 6,296 |
Navigation has a lot to do with how you look at time. When I have to travel a long distance over an unknown terrain, I just give myself two hours longer than the trip would take the average driver. I expect to get turned around a lot, expect to get lost, but I keep my eyes and ears open for the things I get to see that the average driver, following the straight and narrow, would have missed. In other words, I relish being lost. I have one friend on this earth who is the same as I--and we have a great time traveling together and seeing all those things we do see when we realize we're lost. In fact, our perception goes up a level just realizing that we're lost.
I have been lost driving a straight interstate route. Honest. I somehow got off the interstate to get a cup of coffee or something, and, when I pulled out of the restaurant parking lot, I somehow pulled out on the wrong side and went up a different interstate. Didn't realize it either for a few miles.
About screwdrivers: I always think in terms of what to use other than a screwdriver--what's handier, closer, just as efficient, etc. This is called creative thinking, and it's much more fun than going out to the garage and pulling out that smelly old toolbox.
Best regards,
WordWoman
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#60769
03/18/2002 4:01 PM
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 2,891
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 2,891 |
But, but milum, you're missing something; a bum leg, or a lazy eye or something. Everybody knows that a kid from the wrong side 'o the tracks who's Mom-orphaned and drunk-Dadded, with no friends and hardly any education has to have a bum leg or lazy eye. OH, that or a dream...they gotta have a dream like a) becoming Pretty In Pink (oops no, that one's taken by Molly Ringwald) b) becoming a ninja (oops no, Karate kid got that one and mom's there but not dad) c) becoming a dancer (oops no, Keven Bacon got that one in Footloose - again mom's there, pop's not) All right, they're all taken, Raymond has got to have a bum leg or lazy eye. Oooo, wait, you could skip the whole bum leg, lazy eye imperative if you are the wise and all knowing teacher that'll set the kid on the straight path in life, teach him to have confidence in himself and believe in the strength within. Ah Dag nabbit, Yoda, I think that is.
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#60770
03/18/2002 7:23 PM
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
I know that all stereotypes are flawed, but they do tend to show a trend. Mrs Rhubarb was employed for many years as a cartographical draughtsperson (actually, for so many years that when she started she was a draughtswoman!  ) I, for many years, was a professional driver. She and I drove in car rallies (yes - in a MG!) at one pint in our life, as did many of our friends. Typically, the male spouse held the steering wheel, the female one, the map. Mrs R and I often won the rallies and were always highly placed. Now, you would have thought that having a woman who drew maps for a living as navigator would give us a decided edge on that side of things whilst having an ex-professional driver at the wheel might help in the car handling bit. But it were her what drove an' me what navigated - always! 
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#60771
03/18/2002 11:00 PM
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 3,409 |
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#60772
03/18/2002 11:03 PM
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 477
addict
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addict
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 477 |
I know that all stereotypes are flawed, but they do tend to show a trend.
And so long as you'll admit the trends are changing, I'm with ya!
She and I drove in car rallies (yes - in a MG!) at one pint in our life, (emphasis mine)
Rhub!  Surely, you weren't drinking and driving... but jokes aside: You were in rallies? Right, off to PM you now.
But it were her what drove an' me what navigated - always!
Interesting, that at a professional level (well, Australian Rally Championship) there are none of your combination. In the recent Harbour City Rally, there were at least 5 teams (that I saw) who had female navigators and male drivers.
Hev
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#60773
03/19/2002 4:46 AM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819 |
She and I drove in car rallies (yes - in a MG!) at one pint in our life,
Do slips come much more Freudian than this?
Awww, Max, that's no Freudian slip, they used pubs as checkpoints. Guiness sponsored 'em.
Now, a Brit trivia question: What's "MOWOG" stand for on MG bits and pieces? (Don't tell 'em, Rheuby!)
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#60774
03/19/2002 5:12 AM
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409 |
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#60775
03/19/2002 11:21 AM
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 872
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 872 |
...lives across the tracts Would those be the Bible tracts? -AnnaStrophic Dear Missus Mean Asp, Yes, I have a speech impediment. How indelicate of you to notice. I can't pronounce my ca...ca... K es. Missus belMardut noticed but she tempered her wit with kindness. You see, when I was none-years-old my mother left town. Her name was cu...cu...Kate. Oh stop it. Cry no tears for me. I have turned my handicap into a blessing. I help others. Do you know what I would do if I was lucky enough to live down the hallway from a rhematic maven such as Faldage? I would submit all my writings to him for perusal. Then, only after his edit and approval would I post them to a larger world. Uh oh...here comes Mister Milum. If he catches me fooling around with his computer he will hit me with a boo...boo...Book. Raymond RITFSmilling.
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#60776
03/19/2002 3:41 PM
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 679
addict
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addict
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 679 |
women use landmarks
No, no. Both men and women use them - just different landmarks!
Ask any woman in Ireland for directions and she will use churches as landmarks. Ask any man and he will use pubs. 'struth!
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#60777
03/20/2002 12:58 AM
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
byb:
I think we all do what we have to do. We had a terrible cold snap here recently, and Peggy's car died an ugly death in the parking garage where she works. We couldn't get it towed out because the ceilings were too low to allow a wrecker in.
Peggy took a half day off from work, went to the auto parts store, bought a battery, and installed it in the car with nothing more than a nail file and an adjustable wrench (IN THE DARK!)
And as she put it quite proudly, "without even breaking a nail, though I did have to repair the polish on my left thumb. Used the nail as a screwdriver."
I'm still waiting for the wrecker! BTW the car started fine.
TEd
TEd
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#60778
03/20/2002 12:08 PM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511 |
You go, girl! It's not for nothin we say "Necessity is the mother of invention."
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#60779
03/21/2002 4:54 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,156
old hand
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old hand
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Posts: 1,156 |
TEd, This reminds me of an incident in my own life from a couple of weeks ago, which Dag was bragging about to all his (male) friends at the factory. I think I will cut and paste from the email I wrote to my Mom about it. I was going to tell this story when it happened but I couldn't find a way to fit it in anywhere...Here is the excerpt from the email.
BTW, you need to know that our basement is unfinished, and you get into it by going in a little door set into the side of the house, rather than just going down stairs like in a normal house.
********
So my excitement today (and boy, was it exciting) was that I managed to
accidentally lock myself in the basement when I was painting the shelves
this morning. See, the basement door is kept locked in two ways: the
handle locks, and we also have a padlock on a hasp on the outside of the
door. I bring the padlock into the basement with me when I work in there,
so some joker doesn't go past and lock me in. But. It didn't occur to me
that the hasp could get blown shut while the door was closed. I was
working this morning, and I was nearly finished. I had to go to the
bathroom but thought I could hold it a few minutes longer, rather than
running upstairs, taking my shoes off, etc., etc., then coming back
downstairs... I was finally done and went to open the door, dreaming of
the bathroom. The handle opened, the door opened a bit, and then wouldn't
budge. I realized after banging it a bit that the hasp had shut itself,
and even though there was no lock holding it shut, it didn't seem to want
to come open again. Now, Dag was at work already. There are windows in
the basement but they're high up relative to the floor, and probably a lot
of trouble to take apart. And I had to pee. So I kicked the door a bit,
bracing myself on the door frame because there are actually four steps
down to the basement floor from the doorway. It still didn't open. I was
worried about falling backward down the stairs, too, so I just grabbed the
door frame, and gave a good hard front snap kick with all my might to the
spot where I knew the hasp was. The door broke, and a piece six inches
wide and the height of the door went flying at the house next to us.
Great! I was out - but the door was broken. The door is about four feet
tall, and I'd broken off a whole vertical section, about a 2-by-6, where
the handle had been. I could see that it was a tongue-and-groove sort of
thing, and I'd blasted off the whole section. Our bikes are down there,
and the lawnmower. Not much else of value, but still, an open, flapping
half-door just invites trouble. I went upstairs and to the bathroom, and
called Dag at work (told the lady at the front desk that yes, it was more
or less an emergency). What the hell was I going to do about the door?
Well, we decided I should try to fix it, maybe by covering up the hole
with wood. I went back down and managed to fit the destroyed piece back
onto the door. Hammered it together, the wood was rotten so it was a bit
of a mess. (That's why it broke in the first place!) Then I got some
bits of wood, 1x4 and 1x6, and some nails which we'd salvaged from the
basement, and hammered them across the wound, inside and out, so the
broken piece was more or less fit together like a puzzle, with pieces of
wood across it to keep it from breaking off again. All this in wind (50
km/h gusting to 90 km/h, blowing the door out of my hands) and more or
less pouring rain. Unfortunately, I also bent the hinges, so it doesn't
quite close as well as it used to. Now the only thing holding it shut is
the padlock. I'm afraid to force it into the frame because the wood is so
weak it might break again when I try and open it. (Actually, it's
possible that the door is now far sturdier than it used to be...) The
hasp is slightly bent but held up very well (which is why I couldn't get
out!) The repair job was greatly hampered by our lack of useful bits of
wood and nails.
*********
Just so you all know, I love fixing things, building things, designing things. I'm the one who took the sink apart when the drain was clogged, defrosted the frozen water pipes, emptied the eavestroughs, put up the Christmas lights, etc. I also love navigating, and maps. (Maybe because my mom let me navigate across Saskatchewan when I was about nine.) And you should have seen me hauling gear down to the boat every day during our field trip last summer! "Haul and stow, haul and stow, haul and haul and stow" because our motto.
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#60780
03/21/2002 5:19 PM
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400 |
bean, all i have to say is, guys, never postition yourself between a woman who has to pee and a bathroom! It is a danger zone. And when she says "we need to stop for tourist information" (my mother in laws euphonism) you better stop.
(this is the real reason Rhu and his wife won rally races. they would stop at pubs, rhu would have a pint, and the misses a cuppa, and off they would go again.. a scant 20 minutes after a cup a tea, she had to go again, and finding the next pub, and fast, was very important! she would put the pedal to the metal, and zip round those narrow, curving roads! Rhu thought she was rally racing, in reality, she was intent on spending a penny!)
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#60781
03/22/2002 12:34 AM
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Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 688
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Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 688 |
Then there is the guy my husband works with...the power was out overnight and was still out come morning. Now, Kevin didn't want to be late for work but his car was in the garage and the door opener wouldn't work without electric. Being the smart fellow he is, he unscrewed the garage door opener from the ceiling and disconnected it, taking down the chain, et al, so that the door would move. He ended up just a few minutes late for work, but with a smile on his face, proud of his accomplishment. When my husband noticed him sneak in, he asked what had happened. Kevin told the story of his superior intelligence in getting out of the garage. Joe just looked at him. "Kevin, did you notice a red handle hanging down?" "Yep, what's it for?" "Did you read the tag on it?" "No, I didn't have time. What does it say?"?" "It says: 'Pull to release door in a power outage.' "
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#60782
03/22/2002 2:14 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803 |
"Did you read the tag on it?"
Directions? We don' need no steenkin directions!
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#60783
03/22/2002 2:31 PM
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636 |
Oh, Lord. Where do I start? Shame on you, BYB. I have driven and hitch-hiked all over tarnation and here I am, the unlost Consuelo. I once had a boyfriend that one of our most amusing entertainments was to get good and lost, locate a small town for lunch and then find out where we were so we could get home again. He always drove. Speaks for itself, doesn't it? I agree that ability must reside in the X chromosome. I have 2[smug-e]
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#60784
03/22/2002 3:04 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858 |
I like the Indian's version. "Me not lost. Tepee lost."
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