Attitude and outlook do indeed play a very important role in how our lives go. To the quote, "Thy life is a mirror of the images that form in thy mind. Thinkest thou evil and evil is thine.", I would add: Thinkest thou joy, and joy is thine. Many times, I have seen an unexpected laugh turn anger into a responsive laugh.
I think it is vital to try and decide what the really important things are, and keep focused on them. (Something I'm not always good at.) I will share part of a letter I wrote to someone recently: "And some want to control everything in it. The way in which they do this depends on who they are. It sounds like your mother has not given up on joy--you said she enjoys the companionship where she is. But for those who only focus on what they have lost--I think the joy will be gone. They take fits if their meals are served a little late, or if, for ex., something is moved from where it belongs. That kind of thing. I wasn't talking about just the smallness of the focus, but the way in which it is done."
Control is a huge issue. We would all like to have control over everything that happens to us. But, of course, we don't. I've posted this before, but what my former pastor said bears repeating: There is nothing that can happen to a man that is as important as how he reacts to it. There are people who move on from great personal tragedy, after the grieving period, to dedicating themselves to a celebration of life (hi, Sweetie, you know who you are). I am not at all sure that I'd be able to do that. One of the things this involves is letting go. Not necessarily forgetting, but just...to stop focusing on how awful the thing was, and re-focus on, "Ok, how am I going to make my life better from this moment on?" We can look for the good in everything, and rejoice in it.
I don't mean ignore the bad things--not at all. They ARE going to happen. But one can acknowledge, and try to ameliorate, and still keep in mind some positives.
Now, I know this isn't always easy to do--it depends on the circumstances, for sure. I don't mean, say, right after the loss of a loved one. But, using that as an example, it is indeed possible to acknowledge "things will never be the same again", AND ALSO to say, "But wasn't it grand while it lasted?". This is where we have a choice. We can choose to completely wallow in misery, or we can acknowledge the misery AND ALSO recognize that we do have the power to do other things as well.
There are times when one may choose to wallow--heck, I love a good old self-pity wallow as much as the next person! But I think, if we do that, it is good to recognize that it IS a choice we have made, and hopefully underlying that recognition will be the implication that this is going to be a temporary state. Focusing on being miserable is counter-productive; that's all there is to it.
Even when you see no end to the misery (my Dear, my Dear, you know who YOU are), PLEASE try to remember: you DO have a choice. You really do. It isn't dependent upon others to "make" you happy--that will come from within you. You can trust me on this--I've been on both sides.
