PS Some say "fugly" but I'm too polite ta explain.
Now, ya don't need to explain Fugly to me GTed, but can you explain pot ugly? Ugly as a pot? Have to be on pot to cope with how ugly? Pot made ya ugly? Help!!
How about "Face that would scare a dog out of a butcher shop" or "Ugly as a hat full of holes" ? I can't take credit for these though, found them on http://www.clichesite.com/index.asp - a cliche for every occasion . The site gives an origin (these are both Oz) but not really a good definition of how they came to be.
He's got a face like a bag of spanners she's got a face like a smacked arse and finally (said of UK golfer Colin Montgomerie) He's got a face like a Bulldog chewing a wasp( hornet)
I was walking with a younger colleague when glimpsing a female whose facial features he thought more appropriate in a stable he muttered, "Whoa! Tough helmet!"
Frankly, I found her quite attractive and naturally assumed his tenebrous remark was complimentary. "Yea, she *IS* very pretty in a bookish way," I said, "but let's pretend we're civilized and try not to be obvious while we're staring." With a scrunched forehead, and one raised brow, he eyed me suspisciously and said "Geez! Have you no taste in women? *What* do you consider a good-lookin' woman?"
"Well, I kinda go in for the school-marm look, a woman in a long dress down to her ankles, hair in a bun, a ruler in one hand that she slaps smartly in the other, and a gleam in her bespectacled eye that says she just might use it."
Complete silence for a few moments and finally in a tone of utter disgust, "God ... You're a perve!"
In any case, "tough helmet" which I assume translates as "a face like a sea-hag."
Moe: [gasps] Am I really that ugly? Carl: Moe, it's all relative. Is Lenny really that dumb? [Lenny looks grief-stricken] Is Barney that drunk? [Barney is saddened] Is Homer really that lazy, bald, and fat? [Homer also looks stricken] Moe: Oh, my God, it's worse than I thought! [Moe and all the bar patrons except Carl literally cry in their beers] Carl:[to the camera] See, this is why I don't talk much.
- The guys try to console Moe by pointing out he's not as ugly as the people at White Castle.
Moe: Aw, c'mon, look at me, I'm a gargoyle. What with the cauliflower ear there, and the lizard lips ... Carl: ... little rat eyes ... Homer: ... caveman brow ... Lenny: ... don't forget that fish mouth. Moe: Okay, I get it. I ain't pleasant to look at. Lenny: Or listen to. Carl: Or be with.
---------------------------
... and if that ain't funny enough...
---------------------------
[the scene flashes back to many years ago. Moe has his old face, an afro-like hairstyle and big sideburns] Moe: It all goes back to my acting days. I was auditioning for the role of Dr. Tad Winslow on the hit soap, "It Never Ends." [reading from a script] Angela, I'm afraid I -- Producer: [interrupting] Thank you; next! [dejected, Moe leaves] [to Casting producer] What were you thinking? Casting: Well, you said you wanted gritty. In other words, ugly. Producer: I wanted Mary Ann on "Gilligan's Island" ugly, not Cornelius on "Planet of the Apes" ugly. TV-ugly, not ... ugly-ugly. [Moe is behind one of the sets, eavesdropping with a stethoscope. Naturally, he is shattered by what he hears] [flash back to the present] Moe: I've been called ugly, pug-ugly, fugly, pug-fugly, but never ugly-ugly. Homer: Well, it's time to get some closure ... extreme closure.
As a beauty I’m not a great star. Others are handsomer far; But my face—I don’t mind it Because I’m behind it; It’s the folks out in front that I jar. ATTRIBUTION: A.H. Euwer (1877–?), U.S. author, illustrator. Limeratomy.
For those who found Rhu post about Rhubard and dung bad, don't read this bit-- a traditional american folk song (from the south!) has this to say about NY gals --not their looks, but their cooking!
New York girls blow their nose in corn bread, and call it pumpkin pie!
one of my favorite friends is the *king of quips, and he uses the one about the ugly tree, but he says 'and hit every branch on the way down'. i've also heard him utter 'i've seen better legs on a pool table' more than once =) (OUCH!)
didn't we once have a thread about creative insults? fun stuff~ my favorite is saying that a person comes "from the shallow end of the gene pool".
what's the proper term for these things anyhow? quips? idioms? cliches? does anyone use the word "jape"? what exactly does that mean...a one-liner?
ps to hev: i love the cliche site ~ thanks! my favorite is "he's a bubble shy of plumb" =)
Oh i know lots of thoses-- only they are always formed up like this..
When god was handing out good Looks, she thought he said books, and she didn't read...
when god was handing out brains, he thought he said trains, and he already had a set.. and lots of others.. good sense, park bench money, honey (but not usually god who was handing that out..) grace,plaice (didn't like fish..)
rhyming slang comments where very common.. to a young woman sasheying down the avenue Shake it, but don't break it, took your mother 9 months to make it.. is one that comes to mind.
when god was handing out brains, he thought he said trains, and he already had a set
Helen, I'm so pleased you expanded the subject! We'd been talking about limited facial beauty, but a whole new set of entertaining phrases are available to describe limited brain-power. Just to get the ball rolling ...
as dumb as a doorknob has the I.Q. of a watermelon couldn't track an elephant in three feet of snow
"He was sooooooo ugly, we had ta tie a pork chop around his neck, just ta git the dog ta play with him!" As spoken by my former mother-in-law describing my first husband as a baby.
Another bit about stupidity that I've always favored (and that I fear I've posted some time in the distant past): "Too stupid to pour piss out of a boot," or, slightly unwieldy but even more damning: "Too stupid to pour piss out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel."
At the risk of entering the political realm, I'll repeat something I know I've posted before, said about our beloved Prez by a fellow Texan: "If ignorance ever hits $40 a barrel, I want drilling rights on that man's head."
This just in, by e-mail. Not up to our usual standards, but worth quoting.
The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead. The lights are on, but nobody's home. All foam, no beer. The cheese slid off her cracker. Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. As smart as bait. Chimney's clogged. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash. Doesn't have all her cornflakes in one box. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels. Missing a few buttons on his remote control. No grain in the silo. Receiver is off the hook. Skylight leaks a little. Slinky's kinked. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. 24 cents short of a quarter. A few feathers short of a whole duck.
Disclaimer: Wordsmith.org is not responsible for views expressed on this site.
Use of this forum is at your own risk and liability - you agree to
hold Wordsmith.org and its associates harmless as a condition of using it.
. The site gives an origin (these are both Oz) but not really a good definition of how they came to be.
)
