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I haven't done this before but I just received this e-mail and thought it would be appreciated by a few punsters in this group.
1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carri-on allowed per passenger."
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that
Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...what? (Oh, man, this is so good :)
A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was a man who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Joined: Jan 2001
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Dear satin: I enjoyed the puns and wish you would post more often. We are a bit short of talent these days.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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I love u 2 Dr. Bill [kiss] I know, I'm a little early for Valentines Day, but I work retail  .
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Feel free to liberally apply the Harrumph®, consuelo. This occasion certainly warrants it. (Enjoyed the puns, satin!  )
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Carpal Tunnel
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old hand
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old hand
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I like the tongue-in-cheek and wink with a smile approach myself.Thank you Satan, for one good pun hidden in the midst of nine bad ones. This brings to mind a punlike true story of several years back. A New York Post photographer was rushed to Long Island to photograph the scene of a ritualistic murder by a band of New Age devil worshipers. In a woodland clearing he found the site of their gory ceremonies and took many pictures. Back at the paper the Metro Editor and the photographer were looking at the newly developed pictures. Suddenly the Editor screamed, "You Idiot, we can't use these!" Beyond a bloody blanket and arcane paraphernalia was a big sandstone rock. And on it, painted in big red letters was the exaltation... SATIN LIVES. Until now I thought that stupid, now I know it was a warning. Yes... you do.  Helen, do you remember this?
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Carpal Tunnel
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Even as the misspelling of my sweet sisters' board name 'satin' may have evoked the memory of your 'pun', I assure you she is *no devil. She's been *honored that way before...  http://wordsmith.org/board/showflat.pl?Cat=&Board=announcements&Number=15266milum - So which one is it? No...I don't. 
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Carpal Tunnel
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Yes-- i remember the story of the Long Island Satin -ist.. the NYTimes latter did a story on them.. turns out they had killed an animal, (and that is bad) but they got caught because one of the kids was so upset about it, he confessed.. (the good news) they were playing at being bad.. and they where not very good at it.. no better than their spelling skills!
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Thanks, satin, I was forgetting what those cute little smiliecons we there for!
