#53013
01/15/2002 11:20 PM
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Experts Suggest Bush Receive Additional
Tests to Rule Out Heart Problems
Anyone seen Cheney?
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#53014
01/16/2002 1:00 AM
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Choked on a pretzel, huh?
I think he fell down drunk...that the abrasion on his face was too obvious to conceal completely with make-up, and so they had to spin it. Then President Bush commented the next day on-camera that his glasses did that. Oops...wasn't 'sposed to say that, was he?...'sposed to just stick with the good ol' 'mother-said' jokes. Only a carpet-burn or table abrasion could produce an injury like that...and the force of a good fall...not a faint from a couch. Strickly a one-issue, non-partisan observation...but I do hope somebody else is holding the nuclear button
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#53015
01/16/2002 1:37 AM
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A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his GPS. "You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."
"You must be a republican," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The man responded, "You must be a democrat." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault.
political shots go both ways.
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#53016
01/16/2002 2:11 AM
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political shots go both ways.Of course! Putting the spin on to conceal Presidential health and personal problems is a time-honored tradition! All parties equally guilty...and that includes the Whigs! 
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#53017
01/16/2002 6:43 AM
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This is an argument about being right when you claim to be to the right of the extreme right, right? 
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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#53018
01/16/2002 11:04 AM
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Jeez, I just asked if anyone had seen Cheney! Innocent question enough, I supposed. And yes, if you keep turning right, right, right, or left, left, left you come full circle. If you do it fast, you are spinning. Then you get dizzy and fall down. I thought everybody knew that  .
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#53019
01/16/2002 12:54 PM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 1,027
old hand
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old hand
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They did not tell, after all, what he used to wash down the pretzel... Nitroglycerol is still used for some heart conditions..
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#53020
01/16/2002 4:01 PM
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Why do I suspect it was more likely to be a large quantity of bourbon (or similar)?
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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#53021
01/16/2002 4:10 PM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 866
old hand
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old hand
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> Choked on a pretzel, huh?
Cynical B's of the World Unite!!
WO'N I so agree with you!!
stales
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#53022
01/16/2002 4:47 PM
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I think he fell down drunk I so agree with you!!
Cross-threading to last week's theme of words from sports:
We used to take cheap shots at fellow ayleurs; I suppose it is a form of progress that we are now instead taking them at third parties. [bemused smile -e] Insofar as I can tell, however, there is reason (except idle speculation) to believe that "shots" of alcohol were involved.
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#53023
01/16/2002 7:18 PM
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Cheap shots, eh? Well, I suppose it could have been cheap bourbon. On the other hand they probably just use pretzel logic in the White House. 
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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#53024
01/17/2002 10:23 PM
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CK, you have again exemplified my point.
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#53025
01/17/2002 10:57 PM
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#53026
01/18/2002 3:49 AM
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Don't make a bet on it Max -- you'll lose. We can talk, if you like, about the difference between (a) a satire (and btw, your link's satire is absolutely inspired, both in concept and in implementation); and (b) a cheap shot.
but for now: your political sympathies, made very obvious by your utterly humourless response to this thread Sorry Max... you're jumping to an unwarranted (and mistaken) conclusion as to my political sympathies. You may not agree with my position that the above are cheap shots -- but why not respond to it, instead of making an ad hominem claim against me for having taken that position?
I simply prefer reasoned discussion, and decry an adjectival attack without factual support -- regardless of whether the party attacked is my friend, or a stranger to me, or my enemy.* I have no doubt that you do too. IMHO -- admittedly a debatable one -- that is what is at issue here.
I hope and believe that if you were to review my postings over the last months, you will find them quite consistent and forthright in that principle.
*Several years ago a suburb near me sought to restrain a group from parading and speaking in their public streets. I contributed financially toward defending the group's right of free speech. I contributed although it was a group distasteful to me: the nazis.
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#53027
01/18/2002 5:03 AM
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Posts: 3,409
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#53028
01/18/2002 7:42 AM
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Lets see what Ogden Nash has to say: AND THREE-HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SIX
IN LEAP YEAR
Some people shave before bathing,
And about people who bathe before shaving they are scathing,
While those who bathe before shaving,
Well, they imply that those who shave before bathing are
misbehaving.
Suppose you shave before bathing, well the advantage is that
you don't have to make a special job of washing the
lather off afterwards, it just floats off with the rest of
your accumulations in the tub,
But the disadvantage is that before bathing your skin is hard
and dry and your beard confronts the razor like a grizzly
bear defends its cub.
Well then, suppose you bathe before shaving, well the
advantage is that after bathing your skin is soft and moist,
and your beard positively begs for the blade,
But the disadvantage is that to get the lather off you have to
wash your face all over again at the basin almost immediately
after washing it in the tub, which is a duplication of effort that
leaves me spotless but dismayed.
The referee reports, gentlemen, that Fate has loaded the dice,
Since your only choice is between walking around all day
with a sore chin or washing your face twice.
Ogden Nash
IF FUN IS FUN, ISN'T THAT ENOUGH?
Child, the temptation please resist
To deify the humorist.
Simply because we're stuck with solons
Whose minds resemble lazy colons,
Do not assume our current jesters
Are therefore Solomons and Nestors.
Because the editorial column
Is ponderously trite and solemn
Don't think the wisdom of the ages
Awaits you in the comic pages.
There is no proof that Plato's brain
Weighed less than that of Swift or Twain.
If funny men are sometimes right
It's second guessing, not second sight;
They apply their caustic common sense
After, and not before, events.
Since human nature's a fait accompli
They puncture it regularly and promptly.
Some are sophisticates, some earthy,
And none are totally trustworthy;
They'll sell their birthright every time
To make a point or turn a rhyme.
This motto, child, is my bequest:
There's many a false word spoken in jest.
Ogden Nash
LOVE UNDER THE REPUBLICANS (OR DEMOCRATS)
Come live with me and be my love
And we will all the pleasure prove
Of a marriage conducted with economy
In the Twentieth Century Anno Donomy.
We'll live in a dear little walk-up flat
With practically room to swing a cat
And a potted cactus to give it hauteur
And a bathtub equipped with dark brown water.
We'll eat, without undue discouragement,
Foods low in cost but high in nourishment
And quaff with pleasure, while chatting wittily,
The peculiar wine of Little Italy.
We'll remind each other it's smart to be thrifty
And buy our clothes for something-fifty.
We'll stand in line on holidays
For seats at unpopular matinees,
And every Sunday we'l have a lark
And take a walk in Central Park.
And one of these days not too remote
I'll probably up and cut your throat.
Ogden Nash
All poems © 1952 by Ogden Nash Cheers!
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#53029
01/18/2002 12:42 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
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the difference between (a) a satire and (b) a cheap shot.
Satire involves creative work on the part of the person instigating the barb. In a cheap shot all the work is done by the target.
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#53030
01/18/2002 6:22 PM
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605
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good-natured fun, which is all that this thread was.
IYHO, calling someone a falling-down drunk is "good natured fun"?
the notion that the most powerful man in the world can nearly be shuffled off this mortal coil by a pretzel is funny Agreed. and it it based on fact. But the above claims that said most-powerful man was falling-down drunk (to which my comments are explicitly directed) are IMHO not funny or good natured.
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#53031
01/18/2002 6:55 PM
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Posts: 6,511
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Some of you may have already seen this bit o' Brit humo(u)r, but I post it for those who haven't. Rubrick E'd it to me the other day: http://www.thebrainstrust.co.uk/pretzel.php
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#53032
01/18/2002 7:26 PM
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Posts: 4,189
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YHO, calling someone a falling-down drunk is "good natured fun"?
But the above claims that said most-powerful man was falling-down drunk (to which my comments are explicitly directed) are IMHO not funny or good natured.
Sanctimony...it's in the dictionary. Some folks should look it up.
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#53033
01/18/2002 7:57 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
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calling someone a falling-down drunk
and saying that someone
was falling-down drunk
are two different things. The former implies a habitual condition and the latter a passing state.
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#53034
01/18/2002 9:36 PM
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 131
member
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member
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If the mark on George's cheek is a carpet burn from falling down drunk..........at least his carpet burns are visible. Our most recent president likely had one or two good'uns on his knees at times that the public was not privy to. Don't ya think?
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#53035
01/18/2002 9:39 PM
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Posts: 3,409
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#53036
01/18/2002 9:47 PM
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#53037
01/18/2002 10:03 PM
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No apology needed, Max. Ya see, my difficulty was that I wanted to lampoon a Kiwi in return -- but couldn't think of any other than the honorable Kiwi's of the board! so how else could I riposte to CK?
[muttering -e: Unfortunately, the net does not have the Odgen Nash poem illustrating that CK, like any comic, has the difficulty of dealing with oversensive hearers like me. ... poem to be added by edit, once I find it the old fashioned way. [mutter]]
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#53038
01/18/2002 10:05 PM
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bush·whack (bshhwk, -wk)
v. bush·whacked, bush·whack·ing, bush·whacks
v. intr.
1. To make one's way through thick woods by cutting away bushes and branches.(You can get some nasty bruises doing that!)
2. To travel through or live in the woods.Hi, K.
3. To fight as a guerrilla in the woods. courtesy of Dictionary.com
What an interesting word for a wood nymph to useI still wonder if anyone has seen Cheney.
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#53039
01/18/2002 10:23 PM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511
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I still wonder if anyone has seen Cheney.
Don't say I told you, but Elvis told me he saw him.
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#53040
01/18/2002 10:24 PM
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Posts: 3,146
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No apology needed, Max. Ya see, my difficulty was that I wanted to lampoon a Kiwi in return -- but couldn't think of any other than the honorable Kiwi's of the board! so how else could I riposte to CK?
Ah, well, most comics also know that you can only lampoon people who are well-known. And there also has to be an element of perceived truth in the statements. Implying that the Pope is a sex-maniac wouldn't work, for instance, because no one in his or her right mind would believe it. Now, hands-up those who ...
Consuelo, Cheney is probably drinking Wsieber's nitro-glycerine. Gulping it down in bucketsful, I'd say.
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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#53041
01/18/2002 10:45 PM
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CK, I at first thought the following was contrary to your post's papal point, but on second thought I realize that it proves your point:
Many years ago, members of a group of literati challenged each other to devise the most sensational newspaper-headline possible. The winning entry, by Dorothy Parker, was POPE ELOPES!
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#53042
01/19/2002 1:01 AM
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11,074 Likes: 2
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Ah, well, most comics also know that you can only lampoon people who are well-known. And there also has to be an element of perceived truth in the statements. Implying that the Pope is a sex-maniac wouldn't work, for instance, because no one in his or her right mind would believe it.
Oh? Then why is there a joke whose punchline goes, "Oh, 20,000 lire, same as in town !"?
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#53043
01/19/2002 4:56 AM
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Posts: 3,146
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Bear in mind that I'm talking about lampooning, not outright "joking" or satire. The headline competition was just that - no truth expected. The blowjob joke (the way I heard it) was about a Catholic priest, not the Pope. Doesn't work for me under those circumstances, at least not as well.
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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#53044
01/19/2002 1:35 PM
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Posts: 3,439
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Then there's the New Hampshire story about the man in a hot air balloon who yells down to a farmer in his field :
"Where am I?"
To which the farmer replies :
"You're in a balloon, ya durn fool!"
It's all in the perspective!
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#53045
01/20/2002 2:42 AM
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 1,094
old hand
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old hand
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I still wonder if anyone has seen Cheney.
Isn't it possible that people are just a little hyper-sensitive about the whereabouts of Cheney because they think that he should be a central figure in the administration? I'm sure he's doing his part, but he's mentioned that he doesn't care to be much of a public figure because he has no further aspirations. Also, I don't exactly recall Gore being that visible until later in the administration when he was trying to distract attention from Clinton's fiasco and knew he was going to run for president.
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#53046
01/20/2002 7:29 AM
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Posts: 3,146
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Well, without LIU, I'd have to say that Gore was pretty visible from Day One. He always seemed to have some agenda or another - the information superhighway (remember that? ) or the environment. Good, safe, fairly apolitical things which enabled him to be visible without being seen to be trying to steal Clinton's thunder. And I wouldn't characterise Clinton's presidency as a fiasco. He was certainly well-regarded as a president in Zild. And he did keep us all entertained as a human, didn't he? I'm sure that many men watched monicagate with a "there but for the grace of god go I" attitude! When he visited New Zealand he impressed everyone he met, apparently. Pretty much unreservedly. And he liked New Zealand, and that showed. All kind of self-perpetuating. I seem to remember some comment from Cheney about his health, but I can't remember if he said that that was why he was keeping his head down. I can think of any number of reasons why he might be doing that.
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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#53047
01/20/2002 5:31 PM
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400
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speaking of lampoons, did any of the state side contributers see last nights SNL?
they suggested that it was a domestic dispute--cheney played the part of the bully husband, dubya, the abuse wife.. alcohol was involved.. the secret service were reduced to "cops".
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#53048
01/20/2002 7:10 PM
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Posts: 4,189
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