The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are
asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following
were some of this year's [2002 - edit] winning entries:



1. abdicate (v.): to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach

2. balderdash (n.): a rapidly receding hairline

3. circumvent (n.): the opening in the front of boxer shorts

4. coffee (n.): a person who is coughed upon

5. esplanade (v.): to attempt an explanation while drunk

6. flabbergasted (adj.): appalled over how much weight you have gained

7. flatulence (n.): the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
run over by a steamroller

8. frisbeetarianism (n.): the belief that, when you die, your soul goes
up on the roof and gets stuck there

9. gargoyle (n.): an olive-flavored mouthwash

10. lymph (v.): to walk with a lisp

11. negligent (adj.): describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightie.

12. oyster (n.): a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish
expressions

13. pokemon (n): a Jamaican proctologist.

14. rectitude (n.): the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
proctologist immediately before he examines you

15. testicle (n.): a humorous question on an exam

16. willy-nilly (adj.): impotent